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Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Chrissy Teigen Trying To Not Fall Asleep While Breastfeeding Is All Of Us


Chrissy Teigen is getting a crash course in what it looks like to be a mom of three these days. In a recent video she shared on her Instagram Story, the Cravings cookbook author essentially summed up life as a breastfeeding mom with little kids running around. Or in this case, incessantly counting in your ear while you try to stay awake.

Teigen and her husband John Legend welcomed their baby girl Esti Maxine Stephens earlier in January, making 7-year-old Luna and 4-year-old Miles a big sister and brother. Esti’s arrival also means that 4-year-old Miles has gone from being the baby of the family to being a middle child. Now far be it from me to typecast middle children, but a recent video Teigen shared on her Instagram Story has me thinking that Miles is already embracing his new role.

In the video, Teigen is breastfeeding Esti while Miles counts beside her. As he continues to count his way up past 170, which is in itself an impressive feat for a 4-year-old child, her eyes droop. She looks exhausted. Her baby continues to feed. And her middle child Miles continues to count, completely unconcerned about his mother’s clear exhaustion.

Introducing baby Esti into their family has obviously changed some dynamics, as happens in all families when a new baby arrives, and from the sounds of it things are generally going pretty well. Teigen wrote that “the house is bustling and our family could not be happier,” when Esti first arrived, adding that her husband “sheds nightly tears of joy seeing Luna and Miles so full of love, and I am learning you still need diapers with a c section!? We are in bliss. Thank you for all the love and well wishes - we feel it all! X.”

In the weeks since Esti’s birth, Miles certainly does seem to be bonding with his little sister. He was walking her around the house in her stroller and holding her tenderly in some of his mom’s posts on social media.

But when he wants to show off his counting, he’s going to make it happen. Whether his mom is falling asleep while breastfeeding his baby sister or not.


27 Perfect Valentine's Day 2023 Gifts For New Moms


February 14 is a day to embrace all things love, and it’s a great time to show the new mom in your life that you’re thinking of her. Unlike Christmas, a Valentine’s Day gift often comes as a total surprise, which makes it all the sweeter. Yes, postpartum she probably really wants a full night sleep, a clean house, and a long shower, but the Valentine’s Day gifts for new moms on this list will help make those early days of parenthood, when she’s trying to balance her own recovery with caring for her baby, just a bit smoother.

One of the ideas I’ve really started to embrace is that the best gifts are often elevated versions of something she already has. Sure, everyone has sweatpants, but does your wife, partner, friend, or sister have buttery soft joggers that won’t leave an imprint in her stomach? She may have slippers, a bath soak, or a throw blanket, but they’re probably not as luxe as the self-care essentials on this list.

She’ll be inundated with gifts for the baby, but this Valentine’s Day makes it all about mom. Whether it’s classic chocolate, a candle that smells like the sea (so it doubles as a mini vacation), or a flower delivery service, the gifts on this list will make her body, her shower, and her home feel a little cozier and a little more indulgent, which is great because she’ll be spending a lot of time in these three places.

A sherpa robe

Women's Sherpa Robe Jacket
Monica + Andy

Channel a very chic teddy bear with this sherpa robe from Monica + Andy which can definitely be worn outside for a quick stroll or to check the mail. It’s actually cute (and warm) enough to even wear as a coat. I didn’t fully appreciate the joy of a robe until I was breastfeeding and pumping around the clock and I needed a wearable blanket . She can breastfeed her baby and tuck their body inside the soft fleece material so everyone stays cozy and warm but still gets skin-to-skin. Plus the cream color is ideal for hiding spit-up

A classic crew neck

The Classic Crew
TKees

Like the celeb-loved flip flops TKEES is best known for, this classic crew neck sweatshirt comes in a wide variety of tan shades, plus classic colors like navy, gray, or cream. The relaxed fit is cozy and warm and can be worn for lounging around the house or paired with jeans and maybe a French tuck if she’s feeling it for going out. Be sure to check out the size guide before buying this as the largest size six correlates to a typical 16-18.

Luxe shampoo

Detox Shampoo
Ouai

While a gift to the spa or hair salon may be well-intentioned, what new moms could really use are products that make her home shower feel a little more special. In those early days, showers are something holy: They’re a place where she can cry, get clean, not hear the baby cry (though she’ll definitely still hear phantom cries.) This shampoo from Ouai not only smells amazing, but the detox formula removes build-up from the scalp so hair looks cleaner for longer, which is good news for someone who may be stretching out the time between showers.

A case of sparkling waters

Sanzo 12-Pack Sampler
Sanzo

Move over La Croix (but not too far over, we still like you) because Sanzo is making seltzer even more exciting. New moms are always thirsty thanks to hormonal changes, and this variety pack of Sanzo sparkling water is way more fun that tap water. They’ll get to try each of these South Asian inspired flavors: lychee, calamansi (sort of a lime-meets-tangerine), mango, and yuzu.

A robot vacuum

D9 Intelligent Robot Vacuum
Neato

I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten through my own postpartum period without my robot vacuum, especially as someone with a black dog and light wood floors. The new mom in your life and her partner probably won’t have a ton of time or energy to clean any time soon which is why a robot vacuum is so key: you don’t have to ask someone who comes to see the baby to vacuum the floors, which may feel weird, and you don’t have to pay a house cleaning service.

This robot vacuum from Neato Robotics captures fine dust and as much 99.97% of allergens which she’ll appreciate whether she has a brand new baby or a little crawler who’s into everything. The price shown is for the D9, their middle option which can clean up to 1600 square feet on a single charge, with 200 minutes of runtime.

Fourth trimester support cards

The Fourth Trimester Cards
Amazon

These fourth trimester cards are like a support system in a box. These are small enough to hold in one hand while she’s nursing or rocking her baby. The cards which offer everything from healing recipes, to ideas for meditating while breastfeeding, or simple exercises designed to help new moms let go of perfection or embrace change. Written by birth doula Kimberly Ann Johnson, there is no shortage of compassion, wisdom, and practical ideas for those first 40 days and beyond.

A hydrating lip balm

One Lip Wonder
Fleur & Bee

Winter is rough on the lips to begin with, then add in hormonal changes and dryness associated with breastfeeding and her mouth will be parched and flaky in no time. This lip treatment from Fleur & Bee is one of the few things that actually helped heal my dry lips postpartum. The vegan, cruelty-free product is made of a base of castor seed and coconut oils for a luxe texture that absorbs into the lips (it works best if lips are slightly damp to begin with). It’s also packaged in glass which means one less little plastic thing in the house.

Initial necklace

Initial Tag Necklace
Ten Wilde

Receiving a piece of jewelry with her baby’s first initial seems like a rite of passage for most new moms. This initial tag necklace from Ten Wilde looks elevated without breaking the bank, and it’s available in two lengths (18 or 20 inch). If she’s more into astrology (or she already has an initial piece), there are also cute zodiac necklaces available.

An e-book subscription

Scribd Subscription
Scribd

Any mom can typically rattle off a list of TV shows they watched on maternity leave, but sometimes shows get old or too loud in the middle of the night. Even soft cover books are difficult to hold while feeding a baby, so a an e-book subscription will be a hit for the mom who loves to read. The price shown is for six months of Scribd, a subscription platform that connects users instantly with millions of ebooks, audio books, magazines, and podcasts. They won’t need to wait for books (as is often the case with ebook library rentals) and best of all, they don’t need a special reading device, just a smartphone, tablet, or any web browser (though if they already have a Kindle they can read Scribd books there as well).

A soft nursing bra

The Everything Bra
Bodily

As a new mom myself, this was my absolute favorite nursing bra (to the point where I’d do laundry just to have it ready for the next day). The non-toxic fabric is soft and stretchy and feels kind of like your best worn in T-shirt. The thick band around the ribs is supportive while still being comfy, and the bra comes in a bunch of colors. If you’re looking for a luxe yet useful item she may not buy herself, The Everything Bra from Bodily is it.

Cozy joggers

Salutation Joggers
Athleta

With their buttery soft material that still manages to be supportive, these joggers from Athleta will become an everyday favorite. Whether she’s on the couch, attempting to do 10 minutes of online yoga while the baby sleeps (heavy on the savasana), or running errands, these will be the go-to. In addition to basic black and navy, these come in a fun rotating cast of seasonal colors (and older colors often go on sale).

Lactation brownies

Emergency Lactation Brownies
Milky Mama

Sure chocolate is a classic Valentine’s Day gift, but this treat is actually as helpful as it is tasty. Milky Mama chocolate brownies are chock-full of ingredients like Brewer’s yeast and flax that promote milk production. Plus they are genuinely delicious; my husband was downing these before he realized what they were (and no, he did not lactate). They’re individually wrapped too which makes the perfect for taking on-the-go or throwing in the diaper bag for those postpartum hunger attacks.

Flower delivery service

Flower Subscriptions
Bouqs

Instead of classic Valentine’s Day roses, try a gift that keeps on giving: this flower delivery service. One of the cool things about a Bouqs subscription is that it’s super customizable: you pay by the stem (10-16 stems is $44) and you can decide how often you want delivery. The recipient can also choose to send their bouquet to someone else instead, a godsend for new moms who forgot a friend’s or in-laws birthday. Parents of new babies are home a lot (just really so much and fresh flowers is an easy way to warm up the house. Just note that these ship straight from the farm and often require some cutting and arranging which is fun and creative but may not be everyone’s cup of tea.

A baby bunting that makes getting out of the house so much easier.

Nido Cloud
7AM Enfant

Okay fine, this 7AM Enfant Nido Cloud seems like a gift for the baby, but really it’s a gift to new parents who don’t want to wrangle their fragile new babies into tons of layers. This is something I own and use daily, and anyone with a winter baby who lives somewhere even a little chilly will appreciate it. There is a circular piece of fabric in the back that you can velcro on and off; when it’s off, it creates a hole where car seat straps pop through, so you’re never buckling over bulky fabric. Instead, the straps lay flat against the baby, but they’re snuggled up and warm. Just tell her to be prepared for adults to stop her every time she goes out to jokingly ask if thus comes in adult sizes.

A CBD bath soak

Homebody I Rose Above It Pearlescent CBD Bath Soak
Ulta

As the name of this CBD bath soak from Homebody suggests, she’s probably a bit of a homebody at the moment, and this floral smelling soak will take her bath to the next level, and it’ll become the answer to the question, “what do I do in my thirty minutes of free time?”

Valerian root and magnesium help the body relax (and may make mom sleep a little more soundly in the windows she does get to doze), rosemary and rose oil smell earthy and lightly sweet, and biodegradable glitter just makes the whole experience a little more fun. She may be advised against taking CBD if she’s breastfeeding, but soaking in it is NBD, plus this will help relieve menstrual cramps when her period comes back.

A scented candle

Cedar & Saffron Candle
Salt & Stone

New moms may not have the time or desire to clean, but lighting a candle (and maybe letting the robot vacuum do its thing) can go a long way in making the house feel calm and tidy. This luxe candle from Salt & Stone has hints of spicy saffron, honeyed neroli, surf wax, oakmoss ,and cedarwood; basically it smells like the forest meets the sea, which is great because she probably won’t be doing much traveling outside of a five mile radius.

There’s also the option to buy a candle trio for the mom who really loves her scents.

A heated throw blanket

PureRadiance™ Luxury Heated Throw Blanket
Pure Enrichment

You can’t go wrong with a heated throw blanket for making early morning nursing sessions or a much-needed nap a little cozier. A full night sleep may be a distant memory for every new mom, but this chic throw made of faux fur and fleece sherpa will make resting and nursing feel more decadent. A detchable controller makes it easy to cycle through six different heat settings, plus it’s key when she’s nap-trapped or has a baby attached to her.

A special chocolate bar

Dark Chocolate Almonds & Salt
oodaalolly

Give the new mom in your life the gift of an expensive chocolate bar she probably wouldn’t splurge on for herself. This quilted imprint in this dark chocolate and salted almond bar from oodaalolly is almost too pretty to break apart (but she can still admire the wrapper once the chocolate is devoured). Salty and sweet are a perfect pick-me-up or middle of the night treat.

A roomy bag

POPUPS Neoprene Large Tote Bag
Amazon

Not quite a diaper bag or a purse, this roomy neoprene tote bag by POPUPS will instead become a go-to bag for all kinds of occasions. It’s waterproof and machine-washable (plus it air dries quickly) and it has snaps so it can open up wide or snap closed for a smaller bag. A metal hook keeps it semi-closed so things aren’t spilling over the top. Pockets plus a detachable mini bag keep everything organized. She can use this to schlep groceries (because it turns out it’s nearly impossible to wield a cart or hold a basket while pushing a stroller), a weekend trip, or a beach bag. I use to this bag to take all my son’s stuff to his nanny and it holds a ton. It’s available in solids and a fun prints.

Wireless noise cancelling earbuds

QuietComfort® Earbuds II
Bose

She’ll be able to listen to podcasts in the middle of the night without disturbing her nursing baby (or her spouse who is in a rage-inducing deep sleep) with this noise-cancelling headphones from Bose. These high-tech earbuds learn the contours of your exact ear so sound performance is optimal for your specific ear shape. These will be a must-have if she decides to sleep train with cry it out, too.

A hooded romper

Rose Romper
Lovello Elizabeth

Who has time for two-piece outfits? This cute romper from Lovello Elizabeth will become a go-to piece for lounging. It’s comfy enough to sleep in, but also cute enough to run errands in, and the zipper front makes nursing a breeze. It’s available in several colors (you won’t find any black or navy here) and it has a bit of spandex for a slight stretch.

One-step hair styling

Blowout Pro Hair Kit
FoxyBae

Getting a blow out at the salon is pretty much impossible in those early days of motherhood, but this Blowout Pro Hair Kit from FoxyBae makes it easy to get shiny, bouncy results at home. It comes with a styling cream and heat protectant, and of course the round blow dry brush. From personal experience, this works best on hair that’s about 80% dry. Working section by section, she can either brush hair straight by using it like a normal brush, or using a “motorcycle vroom motion” (a stylist once told me this) wrap sections of hair around the brush toward the head for bends and waves. Hair will not only be dry, but it will look polished in no time, which is great when you’re only washing your hair once or twice a week, and nothing else in life feels especially put together.

A water bottle

Water Bottle
Roam Loud

Breastfeeding moms are advised to drink a wild amount of water (like 16 cups per day) and a trusty water bottle is a must-have. This bottle from Roam Loud keeps water cool for 12 hours (or warm for up to six hours), and it has a wide mouth for easy drinking.

A set of new-mom essentials

The Mama Gift Set
Tubby Todd

You may know Tubby Todd as primarily a kids brand (their All Over Ointment is a godsend for diaper rash and baby acne) but they have luxe products for moms too. This trio includes a nourishing hand cream that has the uplifting scent of ginger and lime, an organic nipple balm for those early days of nursing, and a belly oil that can be used beyond pregnancy to help the skin’s elasticity. These products are formulated with sensitive skin in mind, so they should work for anyone.

A grippy slipper

Women's Gripper Slipper
Bombas

This Bombas sock-slipper hybrid is a must-have for new moms, even if she already has slippers. There’s nothing quite as daunting as carry a tiny baby down the stairs the first few times, and these are soft yet resilient with an anti-skid grip bottom that actually works. The small tab on the back makes it easy to pull these on and off, and they come in a ton of great colors. As a related side note, Bombas also makes socks for babies that somehow actually stay on, and toddler socks that just like these slippers are really great for gripping the floor.

A Valentine’s Day throw blanket

Be Mine Blanket
Tula

The mom who can’t resist a holiday photo shoot will love this soft throw blanket from Tula. Candy hearts may taste like chalk but they make a seriously cute pattern or backdrop for a Valentine’s Day photo. It’s made of a super soft natural Oeko-Tex bamboo fabric that won’t irritate baby’s skin (even when waiting for mom to get the shot). This rolls up small and it’s easy to take on-the-go.

Soft leggings

Naked Legging
Diosa Fit

In those early days of new parenthood, leggings start to feel like formalwear (or at least a definite step-up from spit up stained sweats). These leggings from Diosa Fit are made with a super soft, slightly compressive material that holds you in without being restrictive or uncomfortable. They come in a couple colors like this sky blue or lilac, but also classic neutrals like black or an espresso brown.

When it comes to finding the best Valentine’s Day gifts for new moms, you can’t go wrong with the gifts on this list. Anything that makes her day (and night; they blur) a little easier will be appreciated. One of the best gifts anyone can receive is an elevated version of something they already use, so don’t skip the fancy water bottle or the luxe slippers just because you think she already has one. And if you really want to go the extra mile, add in some free babysitting so she can nap or shower without worrying.


Jinger Duggar On Motherhood, Faith, & Her New Memoir 'Becoming Free Indeed'


Growing up, Jinger Duggar Vuolo thought she knew exactly what life had in store for her. “Within the setting that I was raised in, it was just assumed that you would get married young, and have as many kids as God would bless you with, and so any form of birth control was out of the picture,” she explains to me by Zoom. “You don’t think too much about because it’s just what I knew was my future.” But in her new memoir, Becoming Free Indeed, Vuolo disentangles what she was taught growing up from what her faith — not one faith leader claiming to speak for God — has to say on the matter. “Being a mom is not what needs to identify you as having God’s favor and blessing on your life,” she tells me. “I realized that’s not all I’m called to be.”

Vuolo grew up the sixth of what would ultimately be 19 children born to Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar. From 2007 to 2020, she appeared on TLC series and specials, including 19 Kids and Counting and then Counting On, a series that focused on the older Duggar siblings as they started their own families.

Vuolo speaks warmly of her family, especially her mother and older sisters. While she admits some differences (frankly not having some differences within a family of 21 would be eerie), she describes her childhood as sweet and happy.

But for as positive as she is regarding her family (with a brief exception where she acknowledges her brother, Josh, who is currently serving prison time for possession of child pornography, as “a hypocrite”), her condemnation of the religious organization she was raised in is full-throated and, indeed, goes much farther than I’d anticipated.

The Duggars were champions of the Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP), a deeply conservative, idiosyncratic Christian organization that has been described as a cult. IBLP was founded by Bill Gothard, who has been accused of sexual harassment and assault by more than 30 women. Vuolo describes him as the most influential person in her young life aside from her parents.

“Bill Gothard taught that life was a very delicate cause and effect sequence,” she explains. “So he said, ‘If you live by these principles, your life will be blessed. It will be a success. Everything you do will prosper. And if you don't, then your life will be one disaster after another.’ So I did believe that that’s how life worked.”

This belief of inputs from the faithful and outputs from the divine were so stringent that any misfortune that befell someone — from illness to sexual assault — was seen as divine punishment, whether or not an individual even realized they were “sinning.” Even worse was when the “input” expected from her wasn’t clear. Does God want her to stay inside and study her Bible, or does He want her to spend time with her family? Both aspects are part of her Christian values, but what if she chose poorly?

“Situations like that would cause so much fear and anxiety in me it was crippling,” she says. “That’s so damaging, and especially when you’re a young teen, you’re trying to go about your life, figure out life, and it’s not easy because I was so afraid of a lot of things. Basically everything.”

Fear didn’t stop with what you yourself did, either: even exposure to something considered taboo could bring on punishment.

“For instance,” she shares, “one story [Gothard] told was about a young kid who listened to rock music and he was killed in a car accident because of it. There was one time I was writing to a Bill Gothard seminar and somebody turned on rock music, and I was sure we were probably going to get into a car accident and die. That's the type of thinking that you get into, and it is so destructive.”

But starting in the 2010s, through both her relationship with her now-husband Jeremy Vuolo (a former pastor at Grace Community Church in Laredo, Texas and current divinity student) and her brother-in-law, Ben Seewald — faithful people whose religious views diverged from the Duggars’ more rigid practices — Vuolo began to question the “fear-based superstitious teachings” she’d been raised to believe.

This included many of the “harmful” ideas IBLP had about women, including the idea that her purpose in life was to have “as many [children] as the Lord wants to give us.”

“The Bible does speak about children being a blessing from God, but what does that mean?” she muses. “Does that mean that because anything is a blessing from God, I have to have as much of it as possible? Or is there a liberty for Christians to choose how many kids they want?”

She began to acknowledge that under Gothard’s teachings, women were often trapped in “abusive” situations. Those who struggled with infertility were riddled with sorrow, guilt, and no sense of purpose because IBLP principles didn’t allow for any purpose outside of motherhood. Women who could have children found themselves overwhelmed, in dire financial straits (any kind of debt, including a mortgage, is considered a sin in IBLP) and sometimes even in physical danger in order to allow the Lord to “bless” them as much as possible.

“It was so helpful for me to be able to go back to the Bible and realize, okay, [motherhood] is not my only identity. My first identity is being the person made in the image of God.”

Ultimately, the Vuolos decided to wait a year after getting married to have children, and are currently parents to Felicity, 4, and Evangeline, 2. “We’ll see about the future; maybe number three eventually but we’re just enjoying our girls right now,” she shares.

“I’m so grateful too now, looking at my girls’ lives,” she says. “I think the beautiful thing is not sheltering them from the world around them, but having them see that it’s a sweet opportunity to be able to engage with those around you.”

As for herself, she knows that disentangling her upbringing from her true faith, and how she wants to move into the future, is still only in its “early stages,” but she’s grateful to be in “a healthy place to process” it all. While her sense of freedom almost certainly doesn’t line up with the expectations of more secular onlookers, she’s done with trying to live up to others’ expectations.

“A huge part of my story is that everybody has an expectation on how they want me to live,” she says. “And so I know that some people will say it’s a disappointment that I don’t throw off everything, but at the same time ... I have let go of more than probably a lot of people would expect.”

Becoming Free Indeed, Vuolo’s third book, is out Jan. 31, 2023.


How To Find Covid Vaccines For Kids Under 5, If You've Had Trouble


“We almost made it,” I thought, as I sat with my 14-month-old son in the emergency room. He was stripped down to his diaper and sprawled against me, simultaneously shivering and sweating profusely. He was barely responsive, half asleep (it was after 11 p.m.) and half delirious (his fever was 104). I was fanning him with our check-in paperwork, silently begging the Motrin I’d given him to work its magic already. We had been fighting high fevers for over a week, and that night, we seemed to be losing.

My son tested positive for Covid on May 25, 2022. It was his first bout. His fever had come and gone a few times in the 10 days he’d been sick, which concerned the doctors. They ran labs for MIS-C, an inflammatory condition some children develop after Covid that affects major organs. While we waited for the results, we watched sensory videos on my phone and named the zoo animals on his tiny hospital gown. To our relief, his long-lasting symptoms were caused by ear infections, and not some nebulous, frightening illness we knew nothing about.

Less than a month later, in June of last year, the Pfizer vaccine was finally approved for infants as young as 6 months by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). It’s recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and bivalent boosters became available in December 2022 to protect against newer variants. And despite my best efforts, I still can’t find anyone to give my son his first shot. He is nearly 2, and supposed to be protected from Covid-19 by now, but something about our system is failing him.

He’s not alone. The CDC’s Covid vaccine tracker reports that only 6.9% of kids 2 years or younger have received their first Covid shot, and only 9.8% of children between 2 and 4 years old have had theirs. The AAP estimates that’s about 15.2 million children who have not had their first dose yet. While there are, of course, families who have chosen to forgo vaccinating their children, there’s a sizable group of parents still searching for shots. Why can’t they find them?

Where we live, in Jacksonville, Florida, there are no nearby pediatricians carrying Covid vaccines in their offices. Ours referred us to our local pharmacies or health department. Vaccines.gov also directs us to nearby Walgreens locations and CVS locations. But when you actually try to book an appointment, the problems begin.

According to the Walgreens website, “Walgreens pharmacists are authorized to administer Covid-19 vaccinations to children ages 3 and older. … For parents or guardians seeking a Covid-19 vaccine for their child under the age of 3, we encourage reaching out to their pediatrician.” As for CVS, since the vaccine’s approval, their pharmacy has offered Covid vaccinations to children 5 and up, and those with MinuteClinics (staffed by family nurse practitioners, physician associates, and nurses) can give them to children as young as 18 months, a CVS representative tells Romper. There are more than 9,000 CVS pharmacies nationwide; only 1,100 have MinuteClinics.

So, if your pediatrician doesn’t offer Covid shots, and nearby pharmacies can’t administer them to your child, can you turn to nearby hospitals or health departments? That depends on where you live. Whether your local children’s hospital and health department administer vaccines varies by region (and in some states, local health departments have been barred from stocking vaccines at all, The Washington Post reports).

This is not the first time families have struggled to access vaccines recommended to them by health authorities — pregnant people were turned away from Covid vaccine sites at alarming rates, even after shots were approved for them in December 2020. Once again, parents are navigating a broken health system to find vaccines, all while the health system shouts back, “Get your children vaccinated! Prevent those illnesses! Don’t delay!”

What is a vaccine desert, and how do I know if I’m in one?

If you’ve tried your doctor’s office and local pharmacies and come up empty-handed, you might live in a vaccine desert. “There’s this false belief that vaccines are available everywhere for everyone, and that’s just not the case for children under 5,” says Dr. Michelle Fiscus, chief medical officer of the Association of Immunization Managers. “The problem is when you get into rural areas where you may not have a pediatric provider within a 30-minute drive, and maybe you’ve got a pharmacy, but they’re not trained to vaccinate kids that young. Deserts for kids at the really young ages are even larger.”

“Parents should not be driving 45 minutes to get a dose of a vaccine, a free vaccine that the federal government provides you,” adds Dr. Rebecca Weintraub, director of Better Evidence at Ariadne Labs and founding director of the Global Health Delivery Project at Harvard University. “Like any other vaccine, you should be able to get this in your doctor’s office near your home or workplace. That means you’re dealing with a regional vaccine desert.”

The CDC reports that only 6.9% of kids 2 years or younger have received their first Covid shot, and only 9.8% of children between 2 and 4 years old have had theirs.

To help address the issue, Weintraub created Vaccineplanner.org with Boston Children’s Hospital and Google Health. The online tool allows you to enter your zip code, whether you drive or use public transportation, and the age of the person who needs to be vaccinated. It will shade the map in areas where you have to travel more than 30 minutes to find a shot, and identify possible sites within the desert for you to contact and maybe, just maybe, find your child a vaccine.

Why do vaccine deserts for young children exist?

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. On June 9, 2022, the White House issued a statement detailing their vaccine rollout plan for children 5 and younger. Their goal, they said, was to make “vaccinations available in convenient places parents and families know and trust.” The announcement promised that vaccinations would be available at pediatricians’ and other doctors’ offices, community health centers, rural health clinics, children’s hospitals, public health clinics, local pharmacies, and other community-based organizations. Eighty-five percent of children under the age of 5 lived within 5 miles of a potential vaccination site, it said, and “every child—including those who may not have a pediatrician or primary care provider—[would have] access to the vaccine.”

The network of different providers was the key to this plan. “At the beginning of the under-5 rollout in June, the Biden administration called on pediatricians and other health care providers to offer vaccines for kids, as these are the places kids are most familiar with receiving vaccines,” Weintraub says.

There are a number of reasons this didn’t work. First, pediatricians’ offices are already short-staffed and overburdened. “It’s a time scarcity issue. The staff at these clinics, their schedules are jam-packed and there’s not sufficient staffing to help,” Weintraub says. “We have to train more people to vaccinate young children if we want to close this gap.”

Additionally, the way vaccines are packaged means many offices struggle with how to administer them efficiently. Pediatric Covid vaccines, like the adult versions, are packaged in vials that hold multiple doses. Once you open a vial, all the doses must be used the same day or they expire. “With decreasing enthusiasm among parents, you have concern about popping open a vial of a vaccine for one dose when the second might not be used, at a cost of $110 to $120 per dose,” Fiscus says. “They also have to carry vaccines for every age group in their practice, including boosters. They’re all just sitting in your fridge and you’re hoping you have enough demand.”

Then there’s the pharmacies, which aren’t allowed or equipped to vaccinate children under 3. “It’s not ideal for a pharmacist to wrangle a 3-year-old in the store, and most pharmacies don’t have a space for them. We also have to vaccinate a child in the thighs instead of the arm,” Fiscus says. At the time of this reporting, Weintraub’s team believes there are around 39,000 vaccination sites nationwide for kids under 5; most of these are pharmacies, many of which can’t vaccinate kids 3 and younger, and only around 11,000 currently have the vaccine in stock.

To make matters worse, certain states are actively making it harder to administer vaccines. “You can live not just in a desert, you can live in a bad state,” says Dr. Tommy Schechtman, president and CEO of Pediatric Partners in West Palm Beach, Florida. According to the AAP, “child vaccination rates vary widely across states, ranging from 2% to 39% receiving their first dose.” Weintraub seconded this, noting 29% of kids in Washington, D.C. have received their first dose compared to 1.7% in Mississippi.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, for example, refused to preorder the vaccines, before prohibiting county health departments from administering shots or distributing them to pediatricians near the end of 2022. This has a profound effect, says Schechtman. “When you’re a small office ordering small amounts of vaccines, it’s difficult to order what you need through the state. If I needed 10 vaccines for my office, I could go pick it up at the warehouse of the local health department. But the governor stopped that months ago, so now access to the vaccines has been made much more difficult. Instead of making it easier, which is the purpose of a federal program, our state has made it harder. Certainly who’s being impacted the most are minority groups.”

Vaccine access for kids may get worse before it gets better. In the coming months, government vaccination programs will end and Covid vaccines will become commercially available. “When these vaccines become commercialized, we throw a lot of other challenges into the mix in terms of equity and access,” Fiscus says. “Right now if you’re uninsured, underinsured, or on Medicaid, you can get a vaccine. When they become commercial, the way the system exists right now, if you’re a child covered under Medicaid, or under- or uninsured, you get vaccines through the CDC’s Vaccines for Children program, but not all VFC providers are offering Covid vaccines. You end up with this venn diagram where only a portion of access points remain once the vaccines become commercialized.”

Now that my son is 18 months old, he finally has an appointment for his first dose. When all families with young children will feel that sense of relief, no one can really say.

Experts are trying to eliminate vaccine deserts, but it’s going to take time. The Association of Immunization Managers, led by Fiscus, have funding from the CDC to gather data over the next nine months about how vaccine deserts form. This spring, they’re hosting meetings across the country with representatives from the AAP, Medicaid, pharmacy associations, and more to find solutions. “We need to really get teams to sit down and troubleshoot what their barriers are to vaccinating kids against Covid. There are so many layers to getting kids vaccinated. Lots of this crosstalk has to happen between organizations,” Fiscus says.

For example, in most states, Medicaid doesn’t pay pharmacists for administering vaccines like they would any other medical provider, Fiscus explains. “So, if we can get pharmacies and Medicaid to sit down and figure out how to get states to recognize pharmacists as vaccinating providers — they’ve vaccinated more than half the people in the country against Covid — there should be some way to make it worthwhile to engage pharmacists in those efforts.”

Schectman tells Romper he feels pediatricians should be the ones vaccinating children; they have the training to work with young children, and can take their entire medical history into account during the visit. Fiscus points out, though, that American children are roughly 37 million doses behind on their vaccines, and even pediatricians who want to administer the shots may need pharmacists’ support to catch up.

Where can I find pediatric Covid vaccines for kids under 5?

While systemic change lumbers along, if you’re having difficulty locating a Covid vaccine for your infant or toddler, Schectman encourages parents to call their local children’s hospital to ask about nearby vaccine sites. Weintraub recommends checking Vaccineplanner.org and calling local health departments. Even if they aren’t administering vaccines, they may be able to connect you with someone who does.

“You could be vaccinated by a family medicine doctor, for example,” she says. “There may be doctors in your area other than your pediatrician. It may also come down to asking a different pediatrician in the practice. Also, it matters for parents to call their representatives and say, ‘I cannot access a vaccine close to my home or work.’ We are not at the end of this, and I feel for working parents.”

Ultimately, it’s hard to know who to blame. Which is exactly what you want to do when every time your child comes home with another daycare virus, you wait to see if it’s the virus. The health care system is overwhelmed and burned out. Politicians are complicating vaccine access in an already fraught health care system. And as usual, America’s parents are left without adequate support, hoping that maybe one day, years after it was promised, the bare minimum of protection will be available to our children. All of them.

Now that my son is over 18 months old, he finally has a MinuteClinic appointment for his first dose. When all families with young children will feel that sense of relief, well, it seems no one can really say. So, parents will do what we do. We’ll be here, refreshing websites, calling around, looking for a vial in a haystack.

Experts:

Dr. Rebecca Weintraub, director of Better Evidence at Ariadne Labs and founding director of the Global Health Delivery Project at Harvard University, assistant professor in the Department of Global Health and Social Medicine at Harvard Medical School, and an associate physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital

Dr. Michelle Fiscus, board-certified pediatrician and chief medical officer of the Association of Immunization Managers

Dr. Tommy Schechtman, MSPH, FAAP, president and CEO of Pediatric Partners in West Palm Beach, Florida, and former president of the Florida Chapter of the AAP


How To Use Comedy To Teach Girls Self-Confidence: Empower Girls By Making Them Funny


When I was a little girl growing up in Indiana, I had a perm that looked like two poodles making frenzied, furious love to each other. I also had six brothers, who were, I felt, rather disgusting. One of them once used a decorative hand towel when no toilet paper could be found, and then to escape shame, threw the towel out onto our roof. The towel later reappeared on a particularly windy day, when it blew off and landed at the feet of a visiting nun.

This is all a very roundabout way of saying that I learned early on the necessity of a good sense of humor. It was either laugh or spend my days quietly gagging over the actions of my siblings. Humor was a survival mechanism. It was also — I noticed — a way of making my voice heard in a roiling sea of testosterone.

Being funny is often equated with being loud. And the sad truth is that little girls are not always encouraged to “be loud.” We have our “Girl Power!” tees and our “The Future is Female!” totes, but it often feels like “loud” is still considered the domain of men and boys. And when little girls are loud or demanding? It’s something deemed worthy of a TikTok trend.

Now, more than ever, girls need to be taught that their voices matter. This doesn’t happen by accident.

As girls get older, the impulse to speak up and be heard starts to decrease. “Between the ages of 8 and 14, girls’ confidence levels nose-dive by 30 percent,” one study concluded. Self-confidence of girls drops dramatically in puberty for all of the reasons you’d expect: the tumult that comes with body changes, a desire for perfectionism, and a fear of failure.

Could comedy be the key to changing this? OK, I must admit, just typing that made me laugh. We’re living in a time where women’s reproductive rights are being dumped in the trash and set aflame, and where we must repeatedly watch male super creeps rise out of their creep pits to receive golden awards and accolades. So the idea of a tight five saving the day maybe sounds a bit... ambitious. But, as Midge Maisel once said, “Comedy is fueled by oppression, by the lack of power, by sadness and disappointment, by abandonment and humiliation. Now, who the hell does that describe more than women? Judging by those standards, only women should be funny.”

One thing is for certain: Now, more than ever, girls need to be taught that their voices matter. This doesn’t happen by accident. And for many it doesn’t even happen with encouragement of the more straight-ahead variety. But what if we try to teach girls how to nurture their inner Amy Schumer?

Contrary to popular opinion, being funny is a skill that can be taught — or at the very least developed. Let’s start with Lynn Harris, founder of Gold Comedy, a comedy school and community, and content studio for women, girls, and nonbinary folks. Gold Comedy is a place for the “comedy committed,” says Harris, those wishing to make an actual career of comedy. But it’s also for the “comedy curious … those who just like comedy, and recognize comedy as a life skill.” And Harris firmly believes in comedy as a life skill: “Comedy is power, because when you make people laugh, you make people listen.”

While Gold Comedy is now multigenerational, with members of all ages, Harris initially founded the school with teen girls in mind. A longtime comedian herself, she was often the only woman performing in a club. “If you look historically at who has controlled and dominated comedy, it’s white dudes,” she says. “They’ve had a monopoly on that power. And even though things are changing, I want to accelerate that change. The more women do comedy, the more women define comedy. And more funny women starts with more funny young women.”

Harris recalled for me a recent fourth-grade birthday party that she attended. The birthday boy had requested a stand-up to perform, and Harris had helped the parents book a comedian, someone who just happened to be female. After the comic’s set, she invited the birthday guests to come up and share a joke in the microphone.

No girl would get up at the mic and not be prepared. We’re too conditioned to be like, ‘You got to get it right. Don’t do it unless it’s perfect!’

“None of the girls came up. Not one,” Harris sighs. “Meanwhile, some of the boys would get up before they even knew what they were going to say, and would just stand at the mic giggling. But not the girls. Does it mean there’s something wrong with the girls? No. It means there’s something wrong with the culture. No girl would get up and not be prepared. We’re too conditioned to be like, ‘You got to get it right. Don’t do it unless it’s perfect!’ We’re not trained to be goofballs. And these kids had literally just had a female comic in front of them telling jokes!”

Harris hopes Gold Comedy can help change that. Along with classes, the school also functions as a sort of online club — a safe space for everyone to try and fail and try again. “Comedy increases confidence, and smashes perfectionism,” Harris says. “It also gives you a way to deal with the tough stuff.”

And Harris is right: Comedy can be a survival skill, a way of dealing with the difficult blows life sends your way, which, for an adolescent girl, can be particularly nasty, as they often are directly related to one’s physical appearance. Writer Julieanne Smolinski (who helped write and co-producer the stellar series Grace and Frankie) shared with me that she was one of those kids “who developed a sense of humor out of necessity”: “I moved around a lot growing up, and the one thing my ever-divorcing parents ever agreed on was that it was important to dress their 8-year-old like a paralegal in deep menopause. I was nearsighted, I had a bone deformity and weird teeth. I definitely used humor for survival before it became ‘fun’ per se.”

Smolinski said there was a kid on her block who — charmer that he was! — called her “horse.” And one morning, he went so far as to fill a paper bag with oats and bring it to the bus stop to taunt her with it in front of the other kids.

“At the time of course, I was liquefied with shame,” she says. “But if you think about it, I should have just pointed out, what kind of stone-cold dweeb brings a prop? You made time between homework and hockey practice and having what I assume is a bad relationship with your dad to make a mean craft? And I’m the one begging my mom to let me transfer schools?”

Beyond self-defense, comedy can also be a path to leadership. Jenny Raymond helped found Funny Girls, an organization that helps educators use the tools of improv to shape leadership skills in third- to eighth-grade girls. The impetus for the project came after reading an article in The New York Times where someone was quoted as saying that women aren’t electable because they aren’t funny. It was something that resonated with Raymond, as she clearly recalled her own childhood run for student council. “I had a long speech detailing a list of everything I would do,” she says. Meanwhile, her male opponent got up, made one dumb Star Wars joke, and ended up winning the election.

We discovered that 9 out of 10 girls thinks anyone can have leadership skills, but only 1 out of 5 thinks that she has them.

“There’s a symbiotic relationship between warmth and strength,” Raymond explains. “And when you think about learning leadership skills, lots of things are oriented for women around strength. But this idea of building a natural presence … had I just been myself up there that day and said things in my own voice, it might have been a different story. But I was constricted by what I thought I should sound like.”

To launch Funny Girls, Raymond consulted comedians, child development specialists, and teachers. “We realized this confidence gap with girls starts rearing its head between the ages of 8 and 13,” Raymond says. “We discovered that 9 out of 10 girls thinks anyone can have leadership skills, but only 1 out of 5 thinks that she has them. It’s this thing of, sure, anyone can be a leader. Just not me.”

At Funny Girls, the participants are led through a series of improv exercises, then asked to reflect on the experience. One example Raymond gave was a game called “Dolphin Trainer,” where one girl pretends to be the dolphin, and the other is the trainer. But they aren’t allowed to speak. The trainer must somehow communicate to the dolphin the trick she wants her to perform without using words. As you might expect, it can get pretty silly. “Someone always ends up rolling around on the floor,” Raymond laughs. But after the rolling around, etc., the girls are asked to debrief with writing exercises, and discuss their takeaways.

“We give boys all of this leeway to be irreverent and silly. So I try in my parenting to let my girls have the same space.” —Tracey Wigfield

“It brings home this idea that they cannot keep doing the same things over and over, just louder and bigger, and expect different results,” Raymond explains. “They have to explore going high, going low, trying all of these different pivots. It’s a lesson in resiliency. And it’s really wonderful seeing the girls do it and having fun, and then having these aha moments. They make the connections, and connect that skill to themselves and to leadership.”

At the end of the program, the girls put on a showcase for friends and family, and share what they’ve learned. “They say things like, ‘I didn’t know I had it in me! I didn’t know I had something to say like this,’” Raymond says. “And that’s the underpinning of it all, this idea of having something to say. Hearing that, I mean, our hearts are full. That’s what we’re here to do, to change that perception of self, into ‘I am a leader, and I have something to say!’”

Of course, not everything a girl has to say will be a groundbreaking emotional insight or thoughtful declaration of the self. Sometimes girls just want to make a butt joke. Comedy writer Tracey Wigfield has written madcap hilarity for the likes of 30 Rock and The Mindy Project, but she admits that as a mom, she still sometimes has the urge to censor her little girls. “Having daughters myself, they’re always saying disgusting things, and there’s an impulse to say, ‘Don’t say that!’” Wigfield says. “But I think with girls especially, it can be good to try and quiet that voice as a parent, and let them say what they want to say. I don’t know if that will result in my children being monsters or shock jocks on the radio or something. But we give boys all of this leeway to be irreverent and silly. So I try in my parenting to let them have the same space.”

How to Help Nurture Your Girls’ Funny

Along with classes and clubs, there are other small ways to help cultivate your daughter’s comedic voice, and that of course would be by injecting a few choice tidbits into her media diet. Exposing girls to classic, female-driven comedies can be a great way to share a hilarious little history lesson. And I don’t just mean the standard go-tos, like Mean Girls and Bridesmaids. Screening some classic comedies, like Private Benjamin, or 9-5, can give a real sense of how women have always used comedy as a means of pushing back.

And of course, there are books! There’s Funny Girls, a middle-grade anthology featuring “a collection of uproarious stories, rollicking comics, rib-tickling wit, and more, from 25 of today’s funniest female writers for kids.” It has chapters with tips on how to tell a good joke, funny comic strips, and just random stories of siblings getting Tic Tacs stuck in their noses.

There is also the adorable and uplifting Ginger Mancino, Kid Comedian, a middle-grade book about a tween stand-up who uses comedy as a means of navigating the challenges of middle school. It was written by my pal Wendi Aarons, whose quips and musings you have probably come across via Twitter. Aarons says that when she was approached about writing a middle-grade book, she knew immediately that she wanted to create a funny, awkward, girl character: “Someone who I would have embraced as a kid.”

Aarons told me one of her favorite sayings is, Don’t get mad, get funny. “It means that you can use your comedic voice to speak your truth and shed light on wrongdoings, much like comedians Wanda Sykes and George Carlin did,” she explains. “That sounds a little woo-woo, but it’s related to one of my other favorite sayings, ‘Humor is a rubber sword, it makes a point without drawing blood.’”

And it’s true. The ability to make others laugh — or to laugh at oneself — can be both a sword and a shield. In a world where one never knows when a desecrated hand towel might blow down around your ankles, or when some jerk might shake a bag of breakfast cereal in your face in an elaborate attempt to mock your dental malocclusion, laughter can be a lifeline.


Monday, January 30, 2023

Pediatricians Swallowed LEGO Heads To Reassure Parents


Kids love to swallow things that are not food. Things like LEGO heads, for instance, or any other small toy they can shove in their mouth because... well who knows why. Curiosity I suppose. The real question here is not about why kids do it necessarily but what happens to their bodies when they inevitably swallow a bunch of small toys. And six intrepid pediatricians have decided to take the bullet for science by swallowing LEGO heads themselves and documenting what happens to their bodies. Documenting poop for posterity. That’s dedication.

Dr. Andy Tagg and five other pediatricians at Western Health in Melbourne, Australia have seen many parents come to the emergency room after their little one swallowed a toy in an absolute panic. Dr. Tagg, who swallowed LEGO heads as a child himself, wanted to reassure parents that the majority of kids will just pass the toy in their stool as he did as a little boy. So he and his colleagues decided to just go ahead and swallow some LEGO heads and document what happened in the process and in their... findings, such as they were. They paid close attention to pre-ingestion bowel habits by developing a Stool Hardness and Transit (SHAT) score, and their results were documented under the Found and Retrieved Time (FART) score. I’m a bit worried they were having too much fun with this experiment.

Each of the LEGO heads was retrieved within 1.71 days, passing through an adult’s bowel system with no complications. It should be noted that the female pediatricians were “more accomplished at searching through their stools than males,” but with such a small case study this can’t be scientifically validated.

While swallowing a LEGO head is not ideal, the results of this study will hopefully put some parents at ease if their child happens to try it. That being said, Dr. Tagg warns that there are certain small objects that should absolutely raise red flags. Like those small button batteries that can so easily be swallowed, for instance. “Button batteries can actually burn through an esophagus in a couple of hours,” science journalist Sabrina Imbler told NPR. “So they're very, very dangerous—very different from swallowing a coin or a Lego head.”

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) observes that in the past two decades, reports of ingesting foreign objects have skyrocketed, though they note that this may just be a case of improved reporting. (AKA: parents in, say, 1985 were less likely to bring their kid to the ER for swallowing a penny than parents in 2015.) The AAP has more information on what to do if your child does indeed swallow a foreign object, but at least now you know that LEGO heads should realistically pass through their system.

Have fun looking for them.


Meghan Trainor Is Pregnant, Expecting Second Baby With Daryl Sabara


Nearly two years after giving birth to son Riley, Meghan Trainor has announced that she and husband Daryl Sabara are going to welcome their second baby. The singer shared her excitement about the arrival of baby number two with TODAY.

Trainor spoke to TODAY on a video call and her Spy Kids husband Sabara popped in to help her share their exciting development on Monday. “I’m pregnant!” Trainor enthused. “We did it!” The singer, who also revealed that they knew the sex of their baby but weren’t ready to share, went on to tell People that two babies are basically just the beginning as far as she was concerned. “What a blessing," the 29-year-old mom said of her second pregnancy. “I'm just so grateful I can get pregnant. And I'm like, 'I'm crushing it. This is amazing. This is my dreams.' I'm halfway there — I want four kids!”

Ahead of the formal announcement, she did drop fans a a hint on TikTok, showing the faces of her friends and family when she told them baby news. Apparently she’s been keeping this pregnancy a secret for awhile, because we see Christmas decor in the background of some of the clips!

Trainor revealed to Romper last summer that she was, indeed, planning to start trying to get that family of four started in the fall. Even turning their attic into a school room for their future children. She was, in fact, hoping for twins. “I would love twins,” she told Romper. “A two-for-one deal.”

And how does Riley, who was born in Feb. 2021 and is nearly two years old, feeling about becoming a big brother? “We try to tell him, 'There's a baby in the belly,' but then he points to his belly now and is like, 'Baby,’” Trainor told People. “And we're like, 'Oh no, it's not in yours — it's in Mama's belly!’”

The expectant mom took to Instagram on Monday as well with a photo of her kissing her sonogram photos and the message, “BABY #2 COMING THIS SUMMER.”

Trainor also told TODAY that she had written a book called Dear Future Mama, which will be out on April 25, a sort of fun guidebook for expectant mothers based on her own experiences during her first pregnancy. It’s a book she presumably would have appreciated herself while going through her first pregnancy during Covid-19.

“When I was pregnant, I felt very alone,” Trainor said of her first pregnancy experience. “It was also Covid times so I didn't have any friends that were pregnant with me, and I just remember being like, I don't want anyone else to feel like that. So now I can be your future bestie and I can help you and tell you all my TMI details of my pregnancy and how crazy it was.”

Now that she’s pregnant for a second time, we can only hope that she’ll be sharing more TMI details. So much fun.


25 Children's Books About Death & Grief


No parent relishes the moment when they’ll have to explain death to their child, but the moment comes nonetheless. Whether the catalyst is the death of a grandparent, another loved one, or even a beloved pet, there will come a time when it falls to us to explain a complex, emotionally fraught, and terrifying topic to a child. Many adults have a hard time wrapping their heads around mortality — breaking the news to your baby can be a doozy.

Thankfully, parents looking for a little help with the conversation will find a bounty of gentle, brilliant, often beautiful picture books on the subject. We turned to children’s librarians from the New York Public Library (NYPL) and Seattle Public Library (SPL) for help compiling this list of the 25 most beautiful, sensitive, and profound books about death for children. Perhaps your child seeks matter-of-fact answers or is more receptive to allusive, allegorical stories — either way, you’ll find the perfect book here.

How to explain death to a child

Books can help tremendously, but they can’t do the job for you. Whatever the circumstance, experts agree that parents and caregivers should try to answer children’s questions about death honestly and directly. “Use simple words appropriate for the child’s age and understanding,” advises Dr. Amanda Lowell, a licensed clinical psychologist at the Yale Child Study Center. “It is important to use the real words such as ‘dead’ and ‘died.’ Euphemisms including ‘lost,’ ‘passed away,’ ‘gone to sleep,’ or even ‘gone to a heaven’ may seem kinder or gentler (for us and for children), but can cause confusion for a child.”

Beyond that, the way the conversation goes will depend a lot on your circumstances and the child’s age. Infants and young toddlers may not understand what is going on, but can sense caregivers strong feelings, Lowell says, and “families should stick to their normal routine as much as possible and provide reassurance and comfort,” in the event of a death of a loved one.

Preschoolers, meanwhile, tend to be curious about death, and may have a lot of questions, Lowell says. However, they “do not understand its permanence or irreversibility,” she warms, so it is particularly important that caregivers use accurate words rather than euphemisms with this age group. For elementary school kids, Lowell suggests families give honest information over time, without overwhelming children. “Because school age children have a fuller understanding of death, may be anxious about others dying, and may ask hard questions,” Lowell encourages caregivers to “give information bit by bit, allowing them time in between to process and make sense of what they’ve heard and ask you any questions.”

Many of the children’s books about death on this list explore and teach about the idea of death at the slow, thoughtful pace that Lowell suggests, gently and tenderly exploring the concept of death and how it touches all our lives.

Children's books about the death of a grandparent

Grandpa’s Stories by Joseph Coelho

Grandpa’s Stories by Joseph Coelho
Amazon

With charming, colorful illustrations, this picture book about death tells the story of a little girls’ love for her grandfather. It’s both heart-warming and heart-breaking in its exploration of what it feels like — and means — to lose someone you love. “A breathtakingly beautiful picture book that allowed my 10 year old and me to have an honest, raw conversation about connections with family members. Wonderful book for loss,” wrote one Amazon reviewer.

Sylvester's Letters by Matthew Burgess

Sylvester's Letters by Matthew Burgess
Barnes & Noble

Recommended by children’s librarian at the NYPL, this new book about the death of a grandparent “centers enthusiasm, adventure, and an ebullient creativity rarely seen in books about loss,” as it tells the story of a young child trying to get a letter to a beloved grandparent who has died.

Grandad’s Island by Benji Davies

Grandad’s Island by Benji Davies
Amazon

“While not explicitly about death, this picture book is about a young boy whose grandfather moves to a distant island,” says Amanda Hua, children’s librarian at SPL. “The boy must then grapple with the idea that he will not see his grandfather anymore. The metaphor for death in this book could be a starting place for families with young children. I recommend this book for preschoolers and up.”

Dadaji's Paintbrush by Rashmi Sirdeshpande

Dadaji's Paintbrush by Rashmi Sirdeshpande
Amazon

A sweet, heart-warming story of the love between a little boy and his grandfather, this relatively new book — it came out in 2022 — was suggested by a children’s librarian at the NYPL. Reviewers rave about it, too, saying the tender book about the death of a grandparent is an “extraordinary work for every shelf.”

The best children’s books for explaining death, grief, and loss.

Always Remember by Cece Meng

Always Remember by Cece Meng
Amazon

This gentle story, suggested by a children’s librarian from the NYPL, tells of the death of an old sea turtle and the way in which the sea creatures who knew him will remember him. It offers comfort and context around the concept of the loss of a loved one for the whole family. One Amazon reviewer describes it as “perfect for processing grief when you are not religious.”

An Ordinary Day by Elana K. Arnold

An Ordinary Day by Elana K. Arnold
Amazon

Juxtaposing extraordinary days in the lives of families in a neighborhood — a birth, a death — with ordinary days, this simple picture book weaves the concept of death into the broader context of life as a whole. Gentle and careful, it offers a way to explain death to even the youngest children.

Death Is Stupid by Anastasia Higginbotham

Death Is Stupid by Anastasia Higginbotham
Amazon

Librarians from both the SPL and the NYPL highly recommended this book for children of all ages for its depiction of death and loss. “Part of Anastasia Higgenbotham’s Ordinary Terrible Things series, it is an honest look at unhelpful things people say to kids about death, and the reality of the complicated emotions kids experience when someone dies,” explains Dawn Rutherford, librarian at SPL. Amazon reviewers also rave about it. One reviewer explained their multi-faceted appreciation for the book this way: “This book offers the explanation I have felt too mature to admit: death is stupid...until I ordered this book, I wasn't sure how to make sense of the senseless for the children I love.”

I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat Thomas

I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat Thomas
Amazon

Part of a series, this is a very straight-forward and direct book created to help parents and caregivers explain death to kids ages 3 to 7. Recommended by children’s librarians at the NYPL, it’s a must-have for families with children who are curious about death or have experienced the death of a loved one.

What Happens When a Loved One Dies? Our First Talk about Death by Jillian Roberts

What Happens When a Loved One Dies? Our First Talk about Death by Jillian Roberts
Amazon

Written by a child psychologist, Dr. Jillian Roberts, this book is structured around questions about death phrased in the voice of a child. It’s direct and clear, and intended to “empower parents/caregivers to start conversations with young ones about difficult or challenging subject matter.” This one offers a straightforward approach if you’re worried a child needs more transparency than an allegory can provide.

I’ll Say Goodbye by by Pam Zollman

I’ll Say Goodbye by by Pam Zollman
Amazon

Focused on a young child who loses a beloved uncle to a terminal illness, this sweet and soothing picture book about death and grief is appropriate for children experiencing the loss of anyone beloved in their life. “It's a very relatable story since many children have family members with serious illnesses, and this book enables them to explore grief and this tough subject,” says one reviewer.

The Important Thing About Margaret Wise Brown by Mac Barnett

The Important Thing About Margaret Wise Brown by Mac Barnett
Amazon

“Even though it isn’t a book about death, Mac Barnett’s picture book biography has become my favorite book to give kids and families grieving a loss, because of how perfectly it captures the capricious nature of grief,” says Jesse O’Dunne, children’s librarian at SPL. “I’d recommend this book to children, teens and adults of all ages. It was in fact immensely helpful to me in processing the death of my father.”

Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?: Big Questions from Tiny Mortals About Death by Caitlin Doughty

Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?: Big Questions from Tiny Mortals About Death by Caitlin Doughty
Amazon

This book is definitely for older grade school and middle school kids, but we love it because it doesn't make a kid feel bad in the slightest for having morbid curiosities. Wonderful for normalizing conversations with your kids about death.

Cry, Heart, But Never Break by Glenn Ringtved

Cry, Heart, But Never Break by Glenn Ringtved
Amazon

It’s hard to say if this powerful, stark book is for children or adults. Translated from the original Danish, the book personifies death, who explains to some young children why it is time for him — gently, naturally — to take their grandmother. It frames death as the thing that gives life meaning. One reviewer explains the powerful role the book played in their family: “Maybe if my kids hadn't experienced such profound loss at such a young age I would have put this book away for later years. But their father is recently passed and that’s pretty freaking heavy and dark so our family needs these conversations to be prompted and held. In this book Death is so kind and loving. He patiently explains the value of life and the value of death without being definitively secular or religious...I’m trying to teach my children that as uncomfortable as grief can be, it’s necessary to help us process loss in a healthy way.”

Duck, Death, And The Tulip by Wolf Erlbruch

Duck, Death, And The Tulip by Wolf Erlbruch
Amazon

Duck and Death strike up a friendship. What follows is a quiet, gentle exploration of death and dying. “If you have a child already curious about death, I would recommend this,” says one reviewer. “It's also non-religious and does not include a concept of ‘god’ and, while raised, leaves the question of an afterlife unanswered.”

Masato’s Garden by Jerry Ruff

Masato’s Garden by Jerry Ruff
Amazon

Suggested by the librarians at the NYPL, this newly-released book about death explores the comfort of nature and taking time outside to reflect in times of loss and grief.

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurene Brown

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurene Brown
Amazon

Any child of the ‘80s may remember Laurene Brown’s Dinosaurs series of books, and When Dinosaurs Die has stood the test of time. As one reviewer explains, “as a parent, it helped me make sure I covered all of the important points. I had never thought to point out, for example, that dead people don't eat or see or hear anymore, but while reading the book realized that this might not be something that young kids would intuitively grasp.”

The Funeral by Matt James

The Funeral by Matt James
Amazon

NYPL librarians suggest this book for children who may be attending a funeral for the first time, as it explores the experience two children have at the funeral of their great uncle. The kids start out excited to have a day off school and see their family members gather, but the day changes as they encounter things they’ve never experienced before. One reviewer appreciated that the book “explains some basic aspects of a funeral and a service with a light air and an abundance of joy. I love reading this book to my 7 year old and two 3 year olds.”

The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr

The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr
Amazon

“I appreciate how this book simply and concretely acknowledges the complicated feelings surrounding grief,” says Beatriz Pascual-Wallace, a children’s librarian at SPL. “It can help set up a meaningful conversation with a child about feeling the loss of a loved one.” With colorful illustrations and a simple story, it’s an appropriate book to reach for if you need to explain death to a toddler or preschooler, but will resonate with bigger kids, too.

Children's books about the death of a pet

Big Cat, Little Cat by Elisha Cooper

Big Cat, Little Cat by Elisha Cooper
Amazon

“This gentle picture book introduces young children to the idea of death through the life cycle of pets,” says Amanda Hua, children’s librarian at SPL. “The older, big cat shows the little cat the ropes. One day the big cat is no longer around and the little cat must become the big cat for a new kitten. I would share with toddlers and up.”

I Miss My Pet: A First Look at When a Pet Dies by Pat Thomas

I Miss My Pet: A First Look at When a Pet Dies by Pat Thomas
Amazon

Straightforward and reassuring, this simple, direct non-fiction children’s book about the death of a pet was suggested by children’s librarians at the NYPL to explain death to the youngest children. It’s part of the same series as I Miss You: A First Look At Death.

A Stone for Sascha by Aaron Becker

A Stone for Sascha by Aaron Becker
Amazon

A stand out, wordless picture book for talking to your child about the death of a pet, this suggestion comes from librarians at the NYPL. One reviewer describes it as “an amazingly complex and thought provoking work of art” that both children and adults mourning the loss of a pet will enjoy.

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst
Amazon

This picture book from 1987 is “classic story of a kid losing a pet, and celebrating the love they shared,” says Dawn Rutherford, a librarian at SPL. It’s is perfect for explaining the death of a pet to kids aged 5 to 8.

Children's books about death of a parent or sibling

Missing Mommy by Rebecca Cobb

Missing Mommy by Rebecca Cobb
Amazon

This simple picture book, suggested by librarians at the NYPL, tackles an incredibly painful subject with gentleness, and may help open a dialogue with a young child who has lost their mother. Though it is written for younger children — preschoolers to age 8 — it will resonate with older kids, too. One reviewer describes it as a “great pathway for kids to start asking questions.”

Everett Anderson’s Goodbye by Lucille Clifton

Everett Anderson’s Goodbye by Lucille Clifton
Amazon

A classic picture book detailing the five stages of grief by poet Lucille Clifton, Everett Anderson’s Goodbye tells the story of a little boy as he tries to process the death of his father. Though it was written in the late ‘80s, the story — which essentially an illustrated poem — is simple and timeless.

Remembering Ethan by Lesléa Newman

Remembering Ethan by Lesléa Newman
Amazon

Remembering Ethan is told from the perspective of Ethan’s sister as she tries to understand her brother’s death and its effect on her family. Recommended by the librarians at the NYPL, the book handles an incredibly difficult subject with care and warmth. One reviewer wrote, “I’m a psychotherapist. This book is not only well-written and beautifully illustrated, but a psychologically sound way to help children and their parents address the difficulties of talking about death in the family. I would use it in my practice.”

While no parent relishes the moment when it is time to help their child think about the concept of death, dying and loss, hopefully it is comforting to know that so many wonderful authors and illustrators have created such beautiful, nuanced and tender books to make it even just a bit easier to explain death to children. May these books offer solace and support in your family’s most challenging moments.

Experts:

Dr. Amanda Lowell, Licensed Clinical Psychologist at the Yale Child Study Center

Children and teen staff at the New York Public Library’s Stavros Niarchos Foundation Library

Dawn Rutherford, librarian at the Seattle Public Library

Amanda Hua, a children’s librarian at the Seattle Public Library

Beatriz Pascual-Wallace, a children’s librarian at the Seattle Public Library

Jesse O’Dunne, a children’s librarian at the Seattle Public Library