15 Memorial Day "Thank You" Quotes To Honor Those Who Made The Ultimate Sacrifice

Memorial Day is commonly associated with hamburgers on the grill and water balloon fights on the lawn. But this 155-year-old holiday is really about honoring those we have lost in active military service. So while you're out having fun on the unofficial kickoff to summer, be sure to take a moment to remember all those throughout our country's history who have died in the line of duty. These Memorial Day thank you quotes — from a mix of past presidents, generals, military veterans, and others — can help one reflect on the patriotism and courage of our troops.

Since World War II, the nature of war and military service has changed, as has the number of Americans who are related to or friends with a military service member or veteran. Today, many of us do not have firsthand knowledge of the intense sacrifices our military personnel and their families have made. This makes it all the more important that we take time to honor the fallen, and to pay our respects to their gold star families.

Remember those who have empty chairs at the table, and those who fought so hard for the freedoms we too often take for granted. Some of these Memorial Day “thank you” quotes speak directly to the bravery of the troops, while others reflect on the American values they died defending.

"No man is entitled to the blessings of freedom unless he be vigilant in its preservation." — General Douglas MacArthur

And for some, that preservation meant performing the ultimate sacrifice. That’s why Douglas MacArthur, who was an American general during World War II as well as leading armed forces during the Korean War, believed that no one should take those freedoms for granted.

"Our flag does not fly because the wind moves it. It flies with the last breath of each soldier who died protecting it." — Unknown

It’s not known who made this heartbreaking (yet true) statement. But once you really let that sentiment sink in, chances are you’ll never look at a flag waving in the wind the same way again.

"America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination and unbeatable determination to do the job at hand." — Former President Harry S. Truman

Truman was the 33rd American president, in office at the end of World War II. He identifies courage and determination as core American values, which are certainly shared by the military service members who risk everything to defend our country.

"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived." — General George S. Patton, Jr.

Patton, a senior Army officer and commander during the second world war, urges Americans to take a celebratory and thankful view of those who died fighting for their country rather than mourn them.

"For it has been said, all that a man hath will he give for his life; and while all contribute of their substance the soldier puts his life at stake, and often yields it up in his country's cause. The highest merit, then, is due to the soldier." — Former President Abraham Lincoln

From remarks Lincon made during the Civil War, the former president eloquently describes the reason we honor the fallen on Memorial Day.

"We ask a lot of those who wear our uniform. We ask them to leave their loved ones, to travel great distances, to risk injury, even to be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice of their lives. They are dedicated. They are honorable. They represent the best of our country, and we are grateful." — Former President George W. Bush

In this 2001 speech at the beginning of the war in Afghanistan, the former president lists the sacrifices of those in uniform. He also explains why we look up to them as "the best" of America.

"America does not simply stand for stability or the absence of conflict, no matter what the cost. We stand for the more lasting peace that can only come through opportunity and freedom for people everywhere." — Former President Barack Obama

In his 2014 commencement speech at West Point, Obama identifies "lasting peace" as one of the American values our troops fight for. Obama also said he was "haunted" by the deaths and injuries of military personnel during his presidency, a reminder that the decision to go to war is not (or should not be) made lightly.

"History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid." — Former President Dwight D. Eisenhower

Former President Eisenhower, a five-star general in WWII, celebrates the essential bravery of those in uniform.

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few." — Winston Churchill

Churchill, Prime Minister of Britain during WWII, reminds us of all that we owe those who gave their lives to defend ours.

"Women have, officially or not, been part of the American armed forces for more than 150 years — with a history that stretches back to both the American Revolution and figures like Deborah Sampson, who bound her chest and fought the British under the name Robert Shurtleff." — Alessandra Codinha

This quote comes from a Vogue article featuring Jackie Nickerson's photos of female soldiers stationed in Hawaii.

"When I was bleeding to death... I didn’t care if the American troops risking their lives to help save me were gay, straight, transgender, black, white, or brown. All that mattered was they didn’t leave me behind.” — Illinois Senator Tammy Duckworth

In the spirit of supporting transgender troops who have given or are prepared to give their lives for their countries, Senator Duckworth reflects on her own experience in combat and the bonds of unity between troops, no matter their differences.

"Real courage was what our troops — my heroes — face everyday. Real courage is being willing to give up your right to everything you want for your future, your memories from your past, and even, if need be, your life to make a better place for others." — Gold Star Mom Debbie Lee

In a personal essay about the many kinds of courage required by military personnel and their families, Lee describes the night she found out her son had been the first Navy SEAL killed in Iraq. It's heartbreaking and, honestly, "thank you" will never be enough.

“A constitution, as important as it is, will mean nothing unless the people are yearning for liberty and freedom.” — Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Simple, eloquent, and to the point. Exactly what you’d expect from the brilliant mind of this late Supreme Court Justice.

“Freedom is never granted. It is earned by each generation… in the face of tyranny, cruelty, oppression, extremism, sometimes there is only one choice. When the world looks to America, America looks to you, and you never let her down.” — Hillary Rodham Clinton

A powerful reminder that what makes any country great is the united desire for truth, and the willingness to stand up for what is right, no matter the cost.

"Without memory, there is no culture. Without memory, there would be no civilization, no society, no future." — Elie Wiesel

A beautiful bit of wisdom from the renowned scholar and Holocaust survivor, reflecting on the vital importance of remembrance.

This Memorial Day, enjoy your three-day weekend and enjoy being with your family and friends by the grill, but don't forget to say "thank you" to those who deserve it. Whether you use one of these quotes or put more effort into your gratitude, know that veterans and other members of the armed forces appreciate what their brothers and sisters who sacrificed everything may not get to hear. Hug your loved ones, remember those who lost everything, and focus on more than just that sale on lawn mowers.

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What Age Is 'The Little Mermaid' Appropriate For? The Remake Is Rated PG

We’ve been waiting years for the latest live-action remake from Disney. After all, Millennials grew up on the animated Little Mermaid, and it’s exciting to be able to share that “seeing it in the theater” feeling with the kids in their life. But what changes were made to The Little Mermaid? And are those changes something we should be worried about? What age is Disney’s remake of The Little Mermaid appropriate for? Here’s what we know...

The Little Mermaid is rated PG.

But, also, everything seems to be PG these days. Encanto was PG and we can’t personally figure out what pushed that out of “G” territory, so what does that mean for The Little Mermaid? According to Common Sense Media, the movie is full of positive messages, role models, and diverse representation. But there’s also some mild violence and scariness that might be a problem for young viewers. (We’ll get to specifics in a minute.) Common Sense Media suggests that kids 8 and older should be fine with this content. As a basis of comparison, the original film is recommended for children ages 6 and older. Honestly, both of those recommendations feel a little high to us, generally speaking, but it’s never a bad idea to double check a movie’s specific scaries before heading to the theater...

If your child is scared of the ocean, proceed with caution.

One thing that might be especially creepy for young viewers is the depictions of the ocean, specifically sharks with pointy teeth, Ursula’s electric eels (and her underwater realm), and a big storm at see (complete with thunder and lightening, which might be a particular issue for kids who are prone to sensory overload). So, if you’re planning to head to the beach any time soon... maybe hold off until afterward? (Or at least be ready with information on the fact that sharks really don’t want to hurt humans... or, as far as we know, merfolk.) But if your child doesn’t have particular anxieties about these things, they’re not actually terribly scary.

The new Little Mermaid is a little more intense than the original.

While the content is more or less exactly the same, the fact that it’s live-action and not a cartoon might mean it’s a bit scarier for little kids. While a storm at sea, Max (Prince Eric’s dog) getting trapped, or Ursuala’s demise might be no big deal in a cartoon, seeing these things happen to “real” people and animals might make a bigger impression. That said, it’s a movie made with little ones in mind and, as such, is quite tame.

The live-action Little Mermaid has a star-studded cast

So there’s something for adults, too! Besides: what’s a Disney remake without more celebs than you can shake a stick at?

Halle Bailey plays Ariel with Jonah Hauer-King, who looks like the cartoon Prince Eric come to life, will play Prince Eric (convenient). Ariel’s pals Sebastian, Flounder, and Scuttle will be voiced by Daveed Diggs, Jacob Tremblay, and Awkwafina, respectively. Ariel’s antagonists, King Triton and Ursula the sea witch will be played by Javier Bardem and Melissa McCarthy. Lin-Manuel Miranda provided new and updated songs.

The TL;DR on the new Little Mermaid.

If your child loves the original, they’re probably going to be just fine with this remake. If they’re under 8, or especially sensitive, you might want to check Common Sense Media to see if it might touch on any particular fears or triggers they might have but, overall, this is a family-friendly movie.

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There's A Reason Your Postpartum Anxiety Went Undiagnosed

Officially, it is estimated that 1 in 5 people who give birth will experience a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD), an umbrella term for anxiety, depression, and other related mental health challenges that arise for many of us during pregnancy and the first year postpartum. However, everyone I’ve ever spoken to who works in the field of perinatal mental health suspects the real number is much higher.

Anecdotally, it is easier for me to think of the names of friends who had perinatal struggles than to think of someone who floated blithely into parenthood untouched by a hybrid of anxiety and depression. Most of us didn’t know what to call how we felt. It seemed like most of us were self-diagnosing, even if they were in therapy for it or on meds for it. “It.” It nagged at me.

We all knew the exact emotional place we’d visited. A uniquely perinatal place — often scary — and, without a doubt, specifically rooted in our matrescence. This haunted place sent the lucky ones among us to therapy or earned us an SSRI prescription. For some others — maybe even most others — it sat simmering under the surface of our lives, undiagnosed, unexamined, untreated.

From within the relative comfort and safety of hindsight, we made assumptive self-diagnoses. Maybe postpartum depression, maybe postpartum anxiety; maybe it was postpartum OCD. Swapping stories of intrusive thoughts, obsessive behaviors, extreme worries at bars and coffee shops. “I kept seeing visions of her head smash on the stairs like a watermelon!” “I know, right?” We laugh and soothe each other with the catharsis of shared experience. “Thank God we’re done having kids,” someone says. And the conversation pivots.

I had no name for what I’d been through, and she didn’t either, because there isn’t one.

Six months into therapy and nearly a year postpartum, I finally asked my therapist what my official diagnosis had been. This was when I learned that postpartum anxiety is not a stand-alone diagnosis. Despite their known prevalence, PMADs have not earned a stand-alone place in the “bible” of psychiatric diagnoses, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

“We’d probably call what you experienced an ‘adjustment disorder,’” my therapist explained with a shrug. “PMADs are not in the DSM.” I had no name for what I’d been through, and she didn’t either, because there isn’t one.

An “adjustment disorder.” I don’t know if that bugs you, but it really bugs me.

It also really bugs Paige Bellenbaum, LCSW, founding director at The Motherhood Center, who has been advocating for perinatal mental health for many years. Not having a diagnosis for the perinatal mental health conditions that practitioners know to be unique to that time period is, she tells me, “such a disservice, because it contributes to an absolute dearth of providers in all disciplines that have awareness of this issue. For example, OB-GYNs or general psychiatrists. Because it’s not there [in the DSM], it’s not taught. So people don’t understand what to look for, how to respond, what best practices are. All because, according to the DSM, they don’t exist.”

“Currently, the only mention of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders in the DSM is a specifier (‘with peripartum onset’), which is added to the diagnosis of major depression, indicating the onset was during pregnancy or the four weeks immediately following birth,” says Felicity Colangelo, LCSW, a perinatal therapist practicing in Maine. Jammed under “major depression,” with a duration window for “postpartum” that is ridiculously short — that’s what we get. Because so many cases of PMADs — up to 80%, according to The Motherhood Center — are understood to go undiagnosed and, therefore, untreated, data is hard to come by. Still, what we do know is staggering: We know that PMADs are the single most common complication associated with childbirth and a top reason for maternal mortality in the United States. We know that untreated PMADs are estimated to cost more than $14 billion a year.

“We’ve come a long way and we still have more to go,” Dr. Jacquelyn Knapp, assistant professor of psychiatry and obstetrics and gynecology, at the Oregon Health & Science University School of Medicine, tells me. What Knapp is referring to when she says “we’ve come a long way,” in the DSM-5 (the current edition of the DSM), is as follows:

“The postpartum period is unique with respect to the degree of neuroendocrine alterations and psychosocial adjustments, the potential impact of breast-feeding on treatment planning, and the long-term implications of a history of postpartum mood disorders on subsequent family planning.”

A tiny specifier, tucked under major depressive disorder, that actually speaks volumes. “They’re basically saying the brain changes. That everything in your life is changed — mood, hormones, your ability to be a person in the world. Your whole life is impacted,” Colangelo tells me, noting that the language is so strong, so powerful, that it’s almost (emphasis on almost!) funny that they could acknowledge all of this and still not feel compelled to give PMADs their own diagnosis.

If this feels like nothing but a little question of semantics, not relevant to lived experience, stay with me. First, and maybe most obviously, a clear and accurate PMAD-specific diagnosis would be validating to people who experience PMADs. The charity Every Mother Counts, which is focused on reducing the global maternal mortality rate, has a simple tagline on its website that sums it up nicely: “Name it to tame it.” That’s what I was asking for, I think, when I asked my psychologist to tell me what my actual official diagnosis was. And why it was painful not to get one.

Beyond the importance of validating the experience of the countless women who experience PMADs, singling them out as unique and specific in the DSM would mean that they would be taught in fields where they urgently need to be taught.

Colangelo considers the DSM absence to be a huge piece of why we’re not diagnosing folks. “When birthing people go into their provider and say ‘I feel really sad and I’m crying a lot,’ they often hear: ‘Oh, that’s baby blues. Just ride it out.’ I hear that a lot still, unfortunately.” If a more inclusive spectrum of PMADs — one that included things postpartum anxiety and postpartum OCD — were defined in the DSM, people would almost certainly be more likely to get their needs met because therapists, primary care physicians, and OBs would know to be on the lookout for them. As it stands, many women have no idea what they’re suffering from is treatable because it looks and feels nothing like what is typically thought of as “major depression.”

Across the board, doctors would take PMADs more seriously because they would know them from “the bible,” from school, from the official, statistical manual of diagnoses. Naming them would legitimize and — one hopes — destigmatize.

Positive outcomes are entirely within reach, but people who are suffering must reach out, and it’s very hard to ask for help if you don’t even know what to call the thing you need help with.

Here, now, we do not have the appropriate language, or official diagnosis — and the awareness and training that would follow — for PMADs. Because of that, we have huge numbers of pregnant and postpartum people suffering silently, untreated, underreported. Underreporting also perpetuates and enables the stigma around postpartum mood disorders of all types. From this vantage, it’s easy to see why we still are where we are.

What data we do have, though, show clearly that the effects of undiagnosed PMADs take a huge toll on families and society as a whole. “Scientific research suggests that there’s a whole litany of adverse impacts for women who experience untreated perinatal mood and anxiety disorders during pregnancy,” Bellenbaum tells me. “Women who are depressed are more likely to have early term deliveries; have higher preeclampsia rates, lower birth rates, higher [chance of] NICU stays. When we look at the immediate postpartum in infancy, we know there can be higher SIDS rates. When we look at Mom over time, perpetual and continual untreated PMADs can lead to bonding and attachment issues, to long-term health complications and mental health issues. It can also be generational and passed down in the sense that, for that child as they get older, there can be cognitive, developmental, neurological issues; lower education attainment; higher substance use rate. We have all this data that shows us the probability of adverse outcomes if PMADs are undiagnosed and untreated.”

Every reproductive psychologist and perinatal mental health care provider I spoke to reiterated the power of timely diagnosis and treatment. Positive outcomes are entirely within reach, but people who are suffering must reach out, and it’s very hard to ask for help if you don’t even know what to call the thing you need help with. “We know how to treat this; we [perinatal psychologists] do know what to call it. We know what to do. If we — as a society, as a culture — were able to recognize and destigmatize PMADs, imagine the impact that it would have on women, babies, children, and generations to come,” says Bellenbaum. Naming PMADs in the DSM would validate the work that she and her peers have been doing for years, as well as standardize care.

If you or someone you love felt bad after having a baby — or during pregnancy — and never got a satisfying diagnosis (or a diagnosis at all) you may find it gratifying to know that the reason is because there isn’t one.

However it makes you feel, know that PMADs are real. Perinatal psychologists know it, and we who have been there know it deeply. Our perinatal feelings were distinctly perinatal, and were all tied up in the very real biological, neurological, and circumstantial realities that enveloped our matrescence. They are visceral, distinct, and pervasive — certainly worthy of their own name.

Experts:

Dr. Jacquelyn Knapp, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry and obstetrics and gynecology, at the Oregon Health & Science University School of Medicine

Felicity Colangelo, LCSW, perinatal therapist at The Nurtured You

Paige Bellenbaum, LCSW, founding director and chief external relations officer at The Motherhood Center

Studies referenced:

Byatt, N., Levin, L., Ziedonis, D., (2015) Enhancing Participation in Depression Care in Outpatient Perinatal Care Settings: A Systematic Review, Obstetrics and Gynecology.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26444130/

https://www.mathematica.org/news/new-study-uncovers-the-heavy-financial-toll-of-untreated-maternal-mental-health-conditions

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Bruce Willis' 9-Year-Old Daughter Researches Dementia Facts For Her Dad

Ever since Bruce Willis was diagnosed with the neurological disorder aphasia and dementia, his family has been finding ways to stay connected with him and support him. As a dad of five daughters and a new grandpa to Rumer Willis’ baby girl Luella, he has so many people around him who just want to help. Including his 9-year-old daughter Evelyn with wife Emma Heming-Willis. Evelyn has been researching random facts about dementia as a way to understand her dad’s diagnosis, and it’s a skill she picked up from Willis himself.

Heming-Willis took to Instagram on Monday to share a sweet moment she had with daughter Evelyn, who she shares with Willis along with 11-year-old daughter Mabel. “So I have to tell you this story, and I’m going to try and do it without crying,” she explained. “Because when Evelyn told me this story, I was an absolute puddle.”

According to Heming-Willis, Evelyn had come to her mom with a little tidbit she had learned about dementia, specifically the fact that people struggling with the neurological disorder often suffer from severe dehydration. When asked where she learned about that, Evelyn told her mom, “I was at school the other day, and I had some free time, and I was looking up fun facts about dementia.”

The proud mom went on to explain that Evelyn is “her father’s child” because this was something she picked up from Willis himself. “Now that’s not funny, but it’s kinda funny. And she really is her father’s child because these two love some just random facts.”

Evelyn’s decision to research “fun facts about dementia” is, of course, bittersweet. She’s awfully young to be dealing with her father’s dementia. But fortunately she has not only her father’s interest in research but also a “strong family unit,” which continues to include her older sisters Rumer, Tallulah, and Scout Willis as well as her dad’s first wife Demi Moore. Not to mention her new baby niece Luella, who joined the family last month. “This is a really challenging time for our family and we are so appreciative of your continued love, compassion and support,” the Willis family first shared in a joint statement after his diagnosis last March. “We are moving through this as a strong family unit, and wanted to bring his fans in because we know how much he means to you, as you do to him.”

Evelyn Willis is her dad’s daughter, and she is staying connected to him the best way she can. By understanding what he’s going through.

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A Conversation About the Positive Power of Storytelling For Kids

Most of the discussion parents have about screen time revolves around guilt and distress. They lament that the intentions they had before having kids have gone out the window; that they have a vague sense of impending harm and danger but little sense of what to do about it; and unless they follow through on that threat to throw all devices out the window, they are gritting their teeth through a daily renegotiation of the rules and boundaries they do try to set. Have I raised your blood pressure just thinking about it?

But what if there was a different way to frame the conversation? Instead of only talking about the battles, what if we were able to evaluate the positive impact that watching a story told on a screen can have on our children. That was the topic of a panel I recently moderated, jointly hosted by Netflix and Romper, in which I talked about the power of storytelling with Heather Tilert, Netflix’s director of preschool content, and Yalda T. Uhls, Ph.D., founder and CEO of the Center for Scholars and Storytellers, an organization that works with social scientists to develop research and insights into how content can help support children’s development and health.

It’s no secret that Netflix has a vested interest in the good news about screen time, but Tilert oversees a team that works hard to create content parents will trust to serve their families in positive ways. (Parents who trust, after all, are parents who renew their subscription.) And Uhls has spent years looking into the ways in which content that builds character can also be successful, fun, and, yes, profitable for the companies that produce it.

What follows are the highlights of our conversation.

Elizabeth Angell: Hello and welcome. At Romper we always know that the topics that people care about the most are the ones that they think about the most and that cause them the most anxiety. And I can't think of a topic that does that more than what their kids are watching and consuming on screens. It's really exciting to be here and thinking about this, not from the "Oh sh*t, did my kid watch too much?" perspective. But to really think: What do we want them to watch? How do we help them make choices? And then how do we talk to them about it?

Heather Tilert: What's been really surprising to me and rewarding, because I've been doing this since before I had kids, is to have my own personal perspective shift and evolve as I've seen how my kids engage with content. What does it mean when a character has a baby sibling born and how influential is that on my daily life in my household, or singing those Daniel Tiger songs to get my kid to try new food or whatever it might be. And to see that evolve over time has been really powerful.

I'd say to your point about what keeps you up at night or the “holy sh*t” moment, something I think about a lot is the kind of tremendous opportunity we have because of the membership of Netflix. We're in hundreds of millions of houses around the world. That's a ton of kids. So it's an awesome responsibility. An opportunity, but a huge responsibility to ensure that we are doing good with that choice and that opportunity.

Yalda Uhls: So I'm very excited to be here because honestly, everything I've ever done and thought about has been about how media can have a positive impact. I do believe media and stories have the ability to change the world, and in particular for young people as they're figuring out who they are, all the way from preschool through adolescence. I was so used to looking at media with a negative lens. I did my doctoral degree while my kids were 6 and 9. My daughter got her phone and I saw everything change because it was 2009, two years after the iPhone was introduced, and I was terrified. I know when you have kids that age and they want to come online, it's scary. And so I was really focused on the negative impact as a researcher, and then I did this research on the positive impact thanks to a grant from the Templeton Fund. And I was like, "Oh, my God, there's so much research that shows that media can teach kids really great things like kindness." I launched the center to inspire storytellers to access research that can support them in telling stories that have a positive impact on young people.

Angell: What is the role that storytelling, particularly in TV and movies, which is what we're talking about here, can play in building character and empathy in kids?

Uhls: There's so much research showing how content can teach young kids all sorts of things. It's a really great way to teach perspective taking. I mean, that is what empathy is about — showing a child a different world. There was research on Daniel Tiger, for example, showing that kids who watched that show, they would sing the songs and especially when they talked to the adults in their lives. So that is really key. They learned empathy, they improved in understanding other people's perspectives and feelings at a very young age, too. There's a lot of research that looks at the pro-social impact of content.

Tilert: If you think about your friends going through something, it's really easy to have a point of view on someone else's scenario. You're all of a sudden an expert where it's a lot more difficult to have that perspective for yourself. And I think about stories a lot in that same way. When a kid can see something play out contextually through a character who they have developed a relationship with, now they have the context to take that learning and apply it to their own scenario. So I just think it offers such a core perspective that makes it much more easy to apply and practice in their own lives.

Angell: When does that start? What age can kids start to learn from media?

Uhls: Starting around 2, that's when they start to really learn. Which is probably why the American Academy of Pediatrics says to introduce screens after age 2. And by 4 years old, they can learn almost as much from watching something on the screen as watching something in the real world. Transfer of learning is the gold standard. That means looking at something that's in media and then applying it to your own lives, and that happens after 2. That doesn't mean they can't be engaged with a screen before that, that doesn't mean with a very active adult helping them, they can't learn. But on their own, if they're sitting in front of a screen before they’re 2, it's not that it's going to harm them; it's just they won't learn that much.

Angell: When we think about kids learning things, we often think of literacy skills, numeracy skills, but obviously it’s much broader than that.

Tilert: There are cognitive or academic skills that some shows try to teach, things that feel kind of school adjacent, and then there are these softer social emotional skills. Growth mindset is one. The concept here is there's either people who are good at things, this is a fixed mindset, or if I work a little bit harder, if I keep trying at something, I can improve over time. I can get better at this thing if I keep trying. And failure's part of continuing to get better.

Uhls: I almost think social and emotional lessons are easier because they really are part of storytelling. If you're sticking in math and language, it kind of is more educational. It feels educational, and social and emotional is just part of all of our lives. You need those skills and they're embedded in almost all storytelling.

Tilert: One of our titles, Gabby's Dollhouse, has growth mindset at the core of what the show is trying to impart. And the character really models that over the course of an episode. It becomes a character attribute. If I really love this character, Gabby, and I play as her, I've come to know this about her. This is how she shows up, so therefore when I play as her, this is how I play as her.

Uhls: To your point, the parasocial relationship is when you feel like you know someone. It could be a celebrity, it could be a character. And in kids programming, a child would have a parasocial relationship with Gabby. They'd feel really connected to her. They'd feel like she's their best friend, and then they will learn more from her.

One of the reasons I started the center actually and one of our fun fundamental underpinnings of the way we do our work is we believe storytellers have just as much to offer to us as we do to them. Because Heather knows so much about the way kids learn from doing her jobs. So she knows, “3 to 5, OK, repeat, repeat, repeat.” Actions can't be separated too far from consequences. At that age if the person looks good, then the kid thinks they're good. They're not really into nuance. This is why many of us adults, when we're watching their programming, we want to kill ourselves because it's so boring.

Angell: Well, it depends on if you're on the first watch or the 35th watch.

Uhls: Yeah, exactly. That makes a big difference. But for them, it's so developmentally appropriate. That's how you learn. We did that ourselves when we were young. And then you go to the next stage. Then, as they get a little bit older, they start to have abstract thinking, they start to develop other skills, you can add some nuance.

There is the piece of research that actually inspired me to start the center. It's basically a study designed by a researcher who has spent his whole life studying how kids learn to lie. And he was very interested in moral fables. We teach our kids through stories and morals and character. And sometimes it's way better than a parent saying, "Don't do that." If they see it modeled with a character they love, they're more likely to emulate it.

So this research read kids three stories and he did a fourth control. One was a Boy Who Cried Wolf, one was Pinocchio, and one was George Washington and the Cherry Tree. Then he put them in a situation where it was really hard not for kids to lie. He told them not to peek underneath something. And most of them peeked. Almost all of them did. But fewer kids lied about peeking when they had been read one of the stories. Anyone out there want to guess which one?

Audience member: Pinocchio?

Uhls: Nope.

Angell: I was going to go with Boy Who Cried Wolf.

Uhls: Nope. I actually tested this with preschool writers at Henson Studios and also at Pixar. I asked, and everybody said Boy Who Cried Wolf because that's the highest stakes.

Angell: It's the scariest one.

Uhls: So I think there are two reasons why it’s George Washington. One reason is that story is the only one with positive consequences. The other two are negative consequences. So in George Washington, he told the truth and he got rewarded. I mean, this is Parenting 101, too, right? When you punish the kid by taking things away, that's not going to stick as much as “I'm going to reward you for doing the right thing.” We know that as adults too. The other reason, which he didn't test, is I think that the George Washington story was more realistic. I mean, what kid can relate to sheeps and wolves?

Tilert: One interesting thing I've seen with my kid is she’ll be kind of hiding the iPad and I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, what am I going to find on this iPad when I go over there?" And it's my 11-year-old watching PJ Masks or this comfort food that he's sneaking because that's what he needs right now. So we also want to make sure we have that up on offer for our audience.

Uhls: I mean, I saw that with my daughter, too. She would watch Disney shows later on, in her 20s even. But we all have that, right? We all go back to our favorite movie, our favorite show, our favorite story, and kids really do connect deeply with these characters and especially because they're growing with them so there's a much stronger relationship.

Angell: In my day, you would watch TV in the living room, and you just watched your show and it was a public experience. Now kids watch with us sometimes, but they also frequently watch by themselves, and it feels like a very private, personal experience, one that they don't necessarily want you being part of. Heather, I'm curious how you think about that in programming, and Uhls, how you understand that private viewing. Particularly with younger kids, I know the importance of watching it with them, of talking through it, but that's not always possible. And as they get older, it’s much harder to follow through on.

Tilert: We think a lot about the different ages and stages of a kid's life, but the other thing we think very actively about are what are the needs states that a kid and family have, and how are we meeting those? Some shows are very much the family opportunity. Like The Floor Is Lava, where we're going to watch this all together and it's going to be an event for us and then probably we're going to make a obstacle course in our house. It comes into our life because this is something we've enjoyed together. And now we can extend that play as a family.

Also just in preschool, we think about “You know what? I need to make lunch. I need a moment where you can be entertained by yourself and I feel super comfortable having the show that you chose and you love.” And I don't feel like I need to be there to scaffold. This isn't an “us show." We also think about the cuddle moment. This is for a parent and a kid snuggling up. This is a calm down moment.

So just what are those day parts or segments in a family's life where they're looking for different programming? And there are lots of different cultures, lots of different countries, lots of different need states, lots of different value systems, and we hope that we have everybody's favorite. So it's a tall order and we work really hard at that and think a lot about it, but it comes down to need states.

Uhls: I mean, there's a psychological theory or communications theory called uses and gratifications, which it sounds like your needs states is the same thing. We use media for different uses. It's not just one thing. And I think that's really important. And I think also sometimes we judge kids media use because we're like, "Oh, you have to go out outside." Obviously you want them to go outside and move their body and do all these things, but some kids really do need downtime. It's really hard to go out in the world. Having a piece of media that comforts them. Allowing your child to be who they are and have the media that meets those needs.

Angell: I think there's also just a value in entertainment. When you watch your kid watching something and they're giggling, that’s the best.

Tilert: Yeah, a joy shot.

Angell: Uhls, I was hoping you could talk briefly about the concept of character strengths and entertainment. I know that you've done a lot of research around this.

Uhls: When we did this first study, I was at Common Sense Media, and we did a really, really deep dive. We wanted to identify character strengths that could be taught through storytelling. There’s 11, and I’m not sure if I can remember them off the top of my head, but purpose is a character strength a lot of people talk about. You don't really develop that till you're older, and that's not as easy to develop. But persistence, which is kind of growth mindset, that's embedded in every single story. Gratitude, compassion, empathy, teamwork. Teamwork's a huge one. That's not necessarily something that every character strength researcher looks at, but it's so embedded into Daniel Tiger and all sorts of places. And it's so important for culture, for our culture these days. Communication is an important one. We were also thinking about digital media and helping young people learn about how to communicate safely and kindly.

We actually just did a study on how stories that embody these character strengths translate to box office, because we're trying to motivate storytellers to do the right thing. And we found that movies that were tagged with Common Sense character strengths made a lot more money at the box office. In particular, there were a lot of tags in the younger content. There weren't as many tags in teen content because they're not thinking about it as much.

And what was interesting is it made the most money internationally. So when you looked at the life cycle of the movie, by the time it reached the international marketplace, that's where character strengths made the biggest difference in how much money it made. And that, to me, just shows that these character strengths are universal. They're global. Gratitude is something every culture thinks about. Curiosity is one for sure. Curiosity is a great character strength.

Tilert: This makes me feel very optimistic. Because we think about the characters that kids are wanting to spend time with. They're choosing to go on a playdate with these characters over and over and over again. It's a lot of time they're spending with them. So I love hearing that they're choosing characters who have really positive attributes or strong character.

Angell: I'm curious what advice you would give for parents on how to talk to their kids about the content that they're choosing to watch, either about how they choose or once they have chosen, how to talk to them about what they have watched.

Uhls: So it depends on the age of the kid, obviously. But for very young kids, I mean, ultimately you are trying to teach your child to make independent choices about media. So if you are always controlling everything, you're not teaching that skillset. But when they're very young, obviously you are controlling the dial — very old-fashioned term, but it still works. And I think I really try to have the child, if they want to watch something, especially as they get older, do their own research. If it's something I don't feel that good about as a parent, tell me why you want to watch it. What do they think they get out of it? Letting them start to make the choices. And also talking to them about why you don't want them to do something.

When my son was playing video games and his friends wanted to play more violent video games, I talked a lot to him about why I didn't feel those games were appropriate. As he got older, he made choices not to play those games. They always talk about family media agreements. You can make these agreements with your child to say that "Before you decide to watch X, Y, Z, go look it up." There are some good sample agreements on Common Sense Media. Help them to build autonomy so that they're making choices. And when they leave your house, which they will — my kids did — you can feel confident that they know how to serve their needs with media and not go down a rabbit hole of 24/7 media.

Tilert: I only have a little bit to add, and I'll focus on the younger age group. I think it's just talking, period, that is really powerful. And I think leading with curiosity. Why do they like what they like? A lot of times my kids liked stuff that I was very confused by. And only by getting in there, either watching with them and seeing where they laugh or really engaging in a conversation about it, did I understand.

I think a lot of times people underestimate the information we can get from a 2- or 3-year-old kid. I'll tell a very fast personal story. My son took a while to develop language, and he became obsessed with PJ Masks. And of all the shows, this is just one he was really, really hooked onto. And not until maybe six months of watching this did I understand why. It's a really strong formula. Back to repetition. This is how kids learn. Those characters are very clear, you know exactly what those characters can do. Because of this, it was the most empowering thing for him because he knew exactly what he could expect from these characters and from the show to the point where his dialogue exploded because he could explain to our family, "Here's your role, here's what you're going to do. Here's what you're going to do and here's what you're going to do. This is what happens in the story, let's go."

It was a massive thing in our household and for him personally. He was obsessed with the show, with really clear characters and story and we asked him about it. And it really brought him to life in a way that we hadn't seen before. And I think it's just the power of questions and curiosity.

This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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Reddit Slams Woman Who Wanted Baby Shower Gift Back After Mom Miscarried

What happens to baby shower gifts if an expectant mother suffers a miscarriage? It might not be a question you’ve ever considered, but one woman took to Reddit with that very concern. She and her husband had purchased an expensive baby shower gift for a friend and wondered if it would be okay to ask for it back after she had a miscarriage. And fellow Redditors quickly called out just how “tacky” that would be.

The woman recently took to the “Am I The A**hole” sub-Reddit forum to see what people would think if she asked for an expensive baby shower gift back from an expectant mom, who she says is only her “husband’s friend” but they are “friendly when we see each other.”

The woman explains that she and her husband purchased their friend a “fairly expensive item” off of her baby registry when they had their first child and then purchased another gift for around $400 when they announced they were expecting their second a few years later. “My husband spent around $400 on a gift for her, fine with me. A few weeks later Jen had a traumatic miscarriage,” she wrote. “I won’t get into the details but she was devastated and the cause of the loss likely means she won't be able to carry future pregnancies to term. It's incredibly sad and while I’m not close with Jen my heart hurt for her.”

A few months after the miscarriage, the woman and her husband were wondering what to do about the gift. “It’s not something she can use for her older kid. Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore onto her grief, and it’s probably past the return window anyway. I’m also not sure if she’s going to keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet. Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel. My husband and I are also decently high earners but $400 is still a lot of money. It’s one thing if she’s able to get a few years of use out of the item, that’s money well spent. But if it’s going to sit in a box in her attic for years....that’s where we are getting stuck.”

She wanted to know if it would be rude to ask for the gift back, and Reddit answered. Yes, yes it would.

“YTA it was a gift. It shouldn’t come with terms and conditions. You gave it away. It’s gone,” wrote one user.

“She’s just lost her baby and her fertility. Don’t kick someone when they’re down. When she’s ready, she will probably sell your gift and use the money for something else, hopefully something that brings her joy,” added another.

Many commented that it would be “tacky” to ask for the gift back, regardless of the tramautic miscarriage. “Let it go. It doesn’t matter that she lost the baby, it was a gift. You can’t ask for it back, that’s tacky,” one reader commented.

“I don’t know how you can hear someone had a miscarriage and potentially can no longer have children and then worry about how to get your gift back,” one more said

The original poster shared an update acknowledging that she and her husband would not be asking for a gift back from a woman who has just lost a baby and, as she implied in her question, might not be able to do so biologically in the future. “If she doesn't use it I hope she at least donates the item to someone who needs it,” the woman wrote in her update.

Rather than asking for a gift to be returned after a miscarriage, friends and family can always consider putting together a care package to help a grieving mother get through a difficult time. Just a thought.

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20 Best Memorial Day Movies To Watch With Your Family

Memorial Day officially kicks off the summer for many. But the day is more than just a long weekend or an excuse to eat burgers. Memorial Day honors those who have died while serving their country. So if you’re looking for a way to commemorate this year, there are several family-friendly Memorial Day movies that can help give little ones a better understanding of the holiday.

Since 1971, people across the United States have been honoring fallen soldiers who have lost their lives to war on Memorial Day, observed on the last Monday of May. There are many ways families can pay homage and recognize the sacrifices military members have made for their country. One simple way is watching a movie about war to get an idea of how people have and continue to fight for our freedom.

While these films might be a little graphic at times and some scenes are really action-packed, they give us an ideas as to what might have gone on in the battles fought for our country. So use your extra day this Memorial Day weekend to sit down on the couch and watch any of these 20 films.

Battle of Britain

This film, from 1969, documents the events of the Battle of Britain — a military campaign in World War II, where the Royal Air Force defended the United Kingdom against large scale attacks from the Nazis. The movie stars Laurence Olivier as British Air Chief Marshal Sir Hugh Dowding, who launches an air campaign against German forces with the help of his squadron, including leaders played by Michael Caine and Christopher Plummer. Director Guy Hamilton and producer Harry Saltzman (who worked on James Bond movies), used vintage aircraft to replicate battles as accurately as possible. It’s entertaining and informational!

Watch Battle of Britain, rated G, on YouTube Movies.

The Best Years Of Our Lives

Three WWII veterans struggle to readjust to civilian life after coming home in this Academy Award winning film from 1946. History buffs will appreciate this critically acclaimed movie (which has a 98% rating on Rotten Tomatoes). It focuses on Fred (Dana Andrews), Al (Frederic March), and Homer (Harold Russell). Despite being a war hero, Fred has to return to a low-wage job because he has no corporate qualifications. Al is a bank executive, but he suffers at work because he wants to help veterans to the detriment of the company. Homer lost both hands in the war, and he’s having a hard time adjusting to being back with his fiancée, as he worries her love has turned to pity. It is a heartfelt and emotional movie that will give you a new appreciation for veterans.

Watch The Best Years of Our Lives, rated TV-PG, on Pluto TV.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

A young witch in training decides to use her supernatural powers to defeat the Nazis invading England in this movie musical, which takes place during the Battle of Britain. The 1971 movie stars Angela Lansbury as Miss Eglantine Price, a not-so-ordinary young woman who enlists the help of three children to travel to the Isle of Naboombu. Here, she finds a magic spell to thwart German commandos. This movie is filled with delightful songs, like “The Beautiful Briny,” “The Age of Not Believing,” and “Substitutiary Locomotion.” It has often been compared to another live action/animation movie, Mary Poppins, whose songs were also composed by the Sherman Brothers.

Watch Bedknobs and Broomsticks, rated G, on Disney+.

Dear John

All’s fair in love and war — unless you don’t believe what you’re fighting for anymore. In Dear John, a heartbreaking film based on the Nicholas Sparks book of the same name, Channing Tatum stars as a young soldier, John, who falls for a young college student named Savannah, played by Amanda Seyfried. The two lovers continue to keep in touch through letters as John is deployed to Afghanistan. However, as John is placed in dangerous situations after 9/11, Savannah is moving on at home. If you are looking for a good cry, this is it!

Watch Dear John, rated PG-13 for some sensuality and violence, on Amazon Prime.

Empire of the Sun

Christian Bale stars as a young man named Jamie Graham, who goes from living with a wealthy family in Shanghai to becoming a prisoner of war in a Japanese internment camp during WWII. This 1987 Steven Spielberg film is based on the true story of an English boy separated from his parents, who experiences the brutality of war firsthand. American sailor Basie (John Malkovich) was also captured and looks out for Jamie during their time in captivity. Despite its dark premise, this film tells an important story in a way that will leave you filled with hope.

Watch Empire of the Sun, rated PG, on tubitv.

Max

After a marine is killed in Afghanistan, his service dog, Max, is adopted by his family in the United States to save him from being put down. Max won’t listen to anyone except the marine’s teenage brother, Justin (Josh Wiggins). Max and the family begin to bond — and he brings them closer to his previous owner than possible. This movie highlights the boundless love, experienced training, and impeccable behavior of military dogs. It also stars Thomas Haden Church, Lauren Graham, Luke Kleintank, Robbie Amell, and others. Dogs can be a best friend and the ultimate source of comfort for trauma in this emotional film.

Rent Max, rated PG, on Amazon for $2.99.

The Great Escape

This film, based on a true story, follows a group of allied men who are imprisoned in a high security WWII prison camp, and their attempts to escape. The 1963 film stars Steve McQueen as The Cooler King, James Garner as The Scrounger, Richard Attenborough as Big X, Charles Bronson as Tunnel King, and more. The movie is a mix of comedy, as the escape artists plan their getaway, and action, as hundreds of prisoners do whatever they can to get away from enemy lines. Motorcycle stunts, jumping out of trains, hand-to-hand combat, and attempts to fly planes will keep you entertained.

Rent The Great Escape, not rated, on Amazon for $3.99.

Gettysburg

One of the biggest events of the Civil War, the Battle of Gettysburg, is retold in this 1993 film based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara. The movie stars Jeff Daniels as Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, Tom Berenger as Lieut. Gen. James Longstreet, and Martin Sheen as Gen. Robert E. Lee among others. For three days, Union and Confederate soldiers battled in Pennsylvania. This gut-wrenching fight left more than 50,000 people dead, and turned the tide of the Civil War, eventually leading to Union victory. This movie is over four hours long and an incredible depiction of the famous event.

Rent Gettysburg, rated PG, on Google Play for $3.99.

Honor Flight

This documentary shadows a community coming together to honor WWII veterans by sending every single one living in their Midwest town to Washington, D.C. to see the memorials that have been built in their memory. The veterans are in their late 80s, and these honor flights are their last “mission” — and the first time they’ve been truly thanked for their service. Remembering veterans’ sacrifices is what Memorial Day is all about, and this is a truly uplifting movie that will encourage you to look at veterans in a new way. Bring the tissues!

Rent Honor Flight, rated PG, on iTunes for $4.99.

The Longest Day

The events of D-Day, when forces stormed the beaches of Normandy during WWII, are told in this nearly three-hour long film from 1962. This is considered the beginning of the end of the war in Europe, and it was one of the largest amphibious military assaults in history. The black-and-white movie features perspective from both the Allied and German forces. It features John Wayne as Lt. Col. Benjamin Vandervoort, Robert Ryan as Brig. Gen. James M. Gavin, Richard Burton as Flying Officer David Campbell, Paul Anka as a U.S. Army Ranger, and more.

Rent The Longest Day, rated G, on Amazon for $3.99.

Molly: An American Girl on the Home Front

Based on the American Girl doll character, this film follows how 10-year-old Molly’s daily life is impacted by WWII. Molly, who has brown hair she often wears in two braids, hangs out with her friends after school, shares dinners with her family, and experiences subtle changes that come from life during war (like suffering rations and people she knows going overseas). This 2006 movie is set in 1943 and stars Maya Ritter as Molly McIntire and Molly Ringwald as her mom, Helen. It’s a light-hearted way to introduce your kids to the war, especially if they have American Girl dolls!

Rent Molly: An American Girl on the Home Front, not rated, on YouTube Movies for $1.99.

Mr. Peabody & Sherman

A dog and young boy travel through time where they visit several important leaders in history, including George Washington. Several famous actors lend their voices to this animated film, such as Ty Burrell as Mr. Peabody, Max Charles as Sherman, Stephen Colbert as Paul Peterson, Leslie Mann as Patty Peterson, Ariel Winter as Penny Peterson, Allison Janney as Ms. Grunion, Stephen Tobolowsky as Principal Purdy, Stanley Tucci as Leonardo da Vinci, and Lake Bell as Mona Lisa. The intelligent dog, Mr. Peabody, and his fun but clueless boy, Sherman, are characters based on the 1960s “Rocky and Bullwinkle Show,” updated for a new generation.

Watch Mr. Peabody & Sherman, rated PG, on Netflix.

National Treasure

A historian, played by Nicolas Cage, goes on an adventure for rumored treasure dating back to the creation of the United States. In order to protect one of our country’s most important documents, the Declaration of Independence, he must steal it. Then, Benjamin, his friend Riley (Justin Bartha), and museum curator Abigail (Diane Kruger) work quickly to decipher the clues and find the national treasure before it lands in dangerous hands. Once you’ve finished this action-packed film, catch the sequel, National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets, also on Disney+. It’s history, told in the most exciting way!

Watch National Treasure, rated PG, on Disney+.

Patton

The life of General George S. Patton is recalled in this 1970 biographical film about the WWII war hero. He was an officer in the U.S. Army, known for his strict discipline, tough demeanor, and sacrificial spirit. His men called him “Old Blood-and-Guts,” and he was both a skilled leader in mobile tank warfare and a controversial figure with a legendary temper. Patton won multiple Academy Awards, including Best Picture and Best Actor for George C. Scott, who played General Patton. The film also starred Karl Malden as General Omar N. Bradley, Stephen Young as Captain Chester B. Hansen, and Michael Strong as Brigadier General Hobart Carver.

Rent Patton, rated PG, on Amazon Prime for $3.99.

Paper Clips

School officials in Tennessee look to teach their students about the scale of the Holocaust by collecting 6 million paper clips — to represent the 6 million Jews killed by the Nazis — in this 2004 documentary. The simple representation is done incredibly well, as the kids are dedicated to honoring every single person who died by the hand of the Nazis. The result: a memorial railcar filled with 11 million paper clips, which includes the other victims of the Holocaust, including those identifying as LGBTQ+. This movie highlights the importance of education and getting kids involved in history.

Rent Paper Clips, rated G, for $3.99 on Amazon Prime.

Sgt. Stubby: An American Hero

A young army private named Robert Conroy adopts a stray dog before WWI. Together, they embark on an adventure that takes them to the trenches of France. This animated film is based on a true story of America’s most decorated war dog, Sergeant Stubby, who was the mascot of the 102nd Infantry Regiment. Conroy hides Sgt. Stubby on a ship to France, and he ends up participating in four offensives and 17 battles, despite no formal military training. This sweet story is one for dog lovers and fun for all ages!

Watch Sgt. Stubby: An American Hero, rated PG, on Apple TV.

Tora! Tora! Tora!

The events leading up to the attack on Pearl Harbor, where more than 2,400 Americans died near Honolulu, Hawaii, are retold in this 1970 film from both U.S. and Japanese perspectives. According to Rotten Tomatoes, this film is “scrupulously accurate” with “intricate detail,” however, it lacks the passion, adventure, and overall entertainment quality of related movies, due to its “clinical approach” and “little feeling.” Nevertheless, it has an 81% audience score, meaning it is still a well-liked depiction of the events of Dec. 7, 1941, despite its other faults.

Rent Tora! Tora! Tora!, rated G, on Amazon Prime for $3.99.

Top Gun

Tom Cruise stars as Maverick Mitchell, a young flier who is training at the Top Gun Naval Fighter Weapons School to be the best of the best. The cocky Maverick competes with the other pilots for the Top Gun spot, including Ice (Val Kilmer) and Viper (Tom Skerritt). He’s also falling for the beautiful astrophysics instructor, Charlie (Kelly McGillis). After watching this iconic film, which gave us the line “I feel the need…the need for speed!,” check out the sequel, Top Gun: Maverick, which was released in theaters May 24, 2022.

Rent Top Gun, rated PG, on YouTube Movies, for $7.99.

Valiant

The Battle of D-Day is told through this animated movie about a pigeon named Valiant, and his friends, who wants to contribute to the war effort. These British homing pigeons deliver messages from the French Resistance to the Allies, while fending off scary Nazi falcons. Although this is made for kids, it is still a violent movie about war. “There are explosions and gunfire during battle, lots of fighting, birds being held hostage in cages, and bones of dead birds shown,” according to Common Sense Media. Even still, it’s great option to teach little ones about the bravery of the military.

Watch Valiant, rated G, on Disney+.

Yankee Doodle Dandy

Broadway legend George M. Cohan, writer and performer of patriotic songs like “Yankee Doodle Dandy” reflects on his life in this Oscar-winning 1942 film. This is a biographical musical about the composer, playwright, actor, dancer, and singer known as “The Man Who Owned Broadway.” He was beloved for his catchy songs that captured American patriotism and spirit. Watch as this fascinating man gets his start performing in his family’s vaudeville show, then created his own musicals, eventually receiving a medal from President Roosevelt. It’s a classic for a reason!

Rent Yankee Doodle Dandy, not rated, for $2.99 on YouTube Movies.

From heartfelt animated movies to black-and-white historical films, there are several family-friendly movies to watch for Memorial Day this year. Each one will spark conversations and help your family remember the American lives lost to war. Press play, then thank a service member!

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An Episode of 'The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air' Helped My Teenager Express Himself

As I stole glances at my 13-year-old son’s face in the television glow next to me, I adjusted the blanket covering our knees. I’d bought this blanket before he was born, before I was married, even, to the man who would become his father, the man I would divorce when my son turned 8. This blanket is our favorite to curl under during movie nights like these, though now that he is taller than me, I worry how much longer it will fit both of us.

This past year, he shot straight past me, and then kept going. For a period of six months, we fit into one another’s shoes; he loved (and I pretended to hate) when he stole my fuzzy slippers, or I’d pop on his clownish Crocs to grab the mail or move the car. Earlier this year we started sharing sweatshirts and hair products and face wash. But then, it abruptly stopped; he preferred privacy to my company, his earbuds to my conversation in the car. It’s as if he were a hologram and stepped into my body, and just as I got comfortable with him inside my skin again, the way we started, he stepped right back out.

Sitting on that couch, sharing a pint of ice ream, I knew that if I looked straight at him, or asked him direct questions, he’d flinch and possibly run away, go up to his room or escape into his music. In many ways, these days it feels like we’ve returned to the “parallel play” stage of his toddlerhood. His younger brother and I can still reliably hug it out — even hold hands while watching a show — but here, on this couch with my oldest, if our hands even graze while passing the ice cream, I’d risk his retreat.

There is so much about parenting that is about loss — you don’t realize something is over until it’s gone and you wish you could snatch some of it back.

He’d had his first date earlier in the day. Or, not a date, because that’s old person terminology. But he made plans after practice to meet up with a girl whose name, said aloud, changes the light in his face. During the date, they got cupcakes, walked Main Street, sat and talked on a bench. Then her grandmother picked her up and he walked home. The date wasn’t what he expected, he said, but it was fine. When I ask him what he had expected, he says he thought it would be more like it is in television shows.

The show we are watching right now is one he’s been watching all week: The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Earlier this week, my children had explained to me the show’s premise, as if I didn’t grow up with it as a child of the 1990s, and I let them. They think the clothing colors are hilarious, like to sing along with the intro as much as I did when I was a teenager watching it. I thought it was cute; now, here, next to my son, I’m riveted.

Earlier, after he returned home from the date, he’d packed his red bag like he does every other Friday in preparation for a weekend at his father’s house. Their dad usually picks the boys up in his blue pickup truck after dinner, and before my oldest left the house this evening, we practiced what he’d been planning to say to his father all week: “Can we please have a boys-only weekend?”

The boys had met their father’s girlfriend two weeks earlier; they hadn’t known about her, but suddenly, their grandfather died, and their dad was making plans to take them a few states away for the funeral, and, by the way, my partner is joining us. Partner? None of us had known he’d been dating anyone at all, much less in a way that might be serious enough to call someone a partner. My youngest rolled with it, which is his nature, but my 13-year-old did not. He did not like her hair, or the way she dressed, or anything else, he decided. He and I talked about respectful ways to express this to his dad, and came up with this simple ask: “After the 12-hour drive and long funeral weekend, we need some time alone. Can it just be us?”

I didn’t know what the landscape of intimacy looked like in their dad’s home anymore, but I could imagine the introduction of a new person to their reliable tribe of three must also be like the shutting of a door, the ease and familiarity of those dad weekends gone without warning. They didn’t know they were about to lose something, had already lost something, and I was proud of my son for asking to hold on to it a bit longer, to try and protect it.

There is so much about parenting that is like that — you don’t realize something is over until it’s gone and you wish you could snatch some of it back. You don’t realize the last time you change a diaper or hold their little hand while they climb something. I hadn’t known our last time nursing was the last time, and I mourned not being able to say goodbye to that sweet time on my own terms. It’s impossible now to imagine either of my children small enough to fit into my arms, familiar enough to know every inch of their skin, to remember the way my son’s hands felt as they nestled into my hair. That night, I sent the two boys out the door with their red backpacks, one with a loose hug, one with a shoulder pat, closed the door behind me, and breathed the sigh of gratitude and mourning that single parents all across the land take on Friday evenings after saying goodbye to their kids.

I was suddenly very grateful to Uncle Phil and his sweater vests.

But then, not three minutes later, my older son was at the door again. I thought he’d forgotten his phone or his running shoes, but his face was stone. “He said no,” he reported. No, they could not have a boys-only weekend, because his father’s girlfriend had moved in. And so my older son refused to go at all that weekend, leaving his younger brother and father on their own in the car. It quickly became apparent that he was not going to budge; his father and brother eventually drove away.

Sitting on that couch, I thought about how I’d been so nervous that my son’s date would go down in flames: that she wouldn’t show, or some school pals would sabotage it, or he’d feel insecure about something he’d said or did. I’d made sure to have a pint of ice cream at the ready, in case he needed some consolation before sending him to his dad’s that night. I hadn’t anticipated that a different relationship drama would send him to the couch, to our blanket, to our television ritual.

Bringing my attention back to the television, I realized I’d heard this bit of dialogue before and focused on Will Smith cleaning tables at a café. My son had watched this one before, multiple times that week, and had flipped purposefully to this episode tonight. For the next 30 minutes, my son edged closer and closer to me as we watched Will meet the father who abandoned him and begin to fantasize about a life with him. His father is a truck driver and he’s come to find Will to see if he wants to take a cross country road trip, to really get to know one another and make up for lost time.

My ’90s sitcom-trained brain knew before it happened that there was no way his dad was sticking around. Still, it was painful to watch: “Will, something’s come up, and we’re going to have to put our trip on hold,” the father says. “You understand.”

“Yeah,” Will says, performatively. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

We watch as Will Smith’s teenaged face hardens, as he moves from calling his father “Dad” to “Lou.” After his father leaves, Uncle Phil, with whom Will has been fighting bitterly for days about his plans to leave, says sincerely, “I’m sorry, Will.” Will continues to perform, saying it works out better this way, summer is the best time for hanging out, and his uncle stops him: “Will, it’s all right to be angry.”

My son once lived inside my skin, it’s true; I was his flesh and blood armor. Now my job is to help him build his own.

Will pushes this away, starts in on a monologue about how he’s not 5 anymore, isn’t going to sit up asking when his father is going to come back to him; he wasn’t there to shoot his first basket, but he learned, went on his first date without him, learned how to drive, how to shave, how to fight.

“I had 14 great birthdays without him,” and his voice crescendos: “To hell with him! I don’t need him then and I don’t need him now.” He continues on, listing vehemently all the things he is going to do in life, like go to college, get married, have kids, things he doesn’t need his father for.

Then, his voice breaks and he softens, asks plaintively, “How come he don’t want me, man?” Will’s uncle swallows him up in a huge bear hug and they stand there like that for a long time.

In the dark, my son and I had both stopped breathing. Ever so slowly, he put his head on my shoulder. I hadn’t expected our movie night to be more than the usual — just us eating our feelings under our favorite blanket. I hadn’t expected my son to use a show I’d grown up with to express how he was feeling. The situation was different — his father hadn’t abandoned him. In fact, he wanted very much to be present in his son’s life. But the hurt seemed similar, the hurt of wanting to have one kind of relationship with a parent and not having the power to conjure it.

My eyes, in the meantime, were trained on Uncle Phil, who’d been there the whole time for Will, who was willing to let him leave, even though he wanted him by his side, not just that summer, but forever, even if he knew life wasn’t like that. Phil couldn’t change Will’s father’s decision or words, just like I couldn’t change my ex’s. But Phil could be there that day, and the next.

I was suddenly very grateful to Uncle Phil and his sweater vests.

Parenting a preteen has so far been an exercise in restraint. I constantly have to hold myself back from grabbing his hand in public the way I used to, from assuming he wants my opinion, from defending him. He is beginning to fight his own battles, decide what battles are worth fighting, and it takes everything in me to not run out ahead of him in full warrior gear. This has been a steep learning curve, but it turns out that I have some valuable experience. In co-parenting with my ex, there is so much that is no longer mine to say, to suggest, to demand. Both relationships involve a good deal of letting go of the control I used to have, of respecting that while I once occupied a space at the center of this web, I no longer do. Nor should I. My son once lived inside my skin, it’s true; I was his flesh and blood armor. Now my job is to help him build his own.

My son is bigger than me now, but he is still a child. Even though I am not always sure how to communicate with him, I was glad he’d found a way to share his feelings with me. I knew if he saw the tears rolling down my face, it might spook him, so instead, I stayed silent and we just sat there, in the dark, side by side. One or the other of us reached for the remote control and pressed repeat.

Kelly McMasters is the author of The Leaving Season: A Memoir in Essays.

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Kevin Hart Poses With Daughter Heaven Before Prom In Sweet Photos

Kevin Hart just reached an emotional parenting milestone: his little girl, 18-year-old daughter Heaven, went to prom. The proud dad of four shared photos of him on Instagram posing with his oldest child all dolled up in a green gown and reflected on just how quickly time passes.

“I have no words ….just pure joy,” Hart, 43, wrote on Instagram on Sunday. “My little girl looked unbelievable yesterday. Where does the time go…. #Harts.”

In the first photo Hart shared, the stand-up comedian is smiling next to his daughter, with a celebratory glass of wine in hand. Heaven, whom Hart shares with his ex-wife Torrei Hart along with his 15-year-old son Hendrix, is wearing a gorgeous off-the-shoulder dress with strappy gold heels. The second photo is a candid shot of the father-daughter duo walking down a path, with Heaven holding a sensible pair of sneakers in her hand. Hart has two other children, 5-year-old son Kenzo and 2-year-old daughter Kaori, with his wife Eniko Hart.

Hart’s famous friends and fans couldn’t believe how grown up Heaven is now. “Oh my! Wild! Beautiful woman 💫 How fast they grow 🥰,” Kate Hudson commented on his post. Kelly Rowland wrote, “KEVIN!! She is so beautiful!!!” And Viola Davis simply commented, “BEAUTY!!!!!❤️❤️.”

With his bucket hat, big red wine glass, and band t-shirt, Hart is living up to his self-proclaimed “cool dad” title, as he told Romper in 2021. “I’m the cool dad,” Hart said. “But it’s not like dad is the funniest person. They’ve got a list of people funnier than me. My kids are on YouTube, they’re on TikTok, they got a whole new generation of people that they love.”

While Hart’s kids might not consider him to be the funniest person they know, many of the comedian’s fans were reminded of his older stand-up bits from when Heaven was just a young girl.

“We came a long way from her cussing you out over juice as a baby 🔥🔥😂,” one fan commented, referring to a bit in Hart’s 2009 stand-up special.

“All I can think of is when you talked about her in your stand up when as a little girl when she had to kick her friend off the bunk bed because...somebody had to GO!” another wrote, referring to another funny anecdote the comedian shared on stage.

For all we know Heaven might be cussing her dad out over a different kind of juice in a few short years. Time really does fly.

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Live-Action 'Moana' Is Coming & Here's What We Know So Far

Disney continues to bring fans joy by delivering live-action versions of beloved animated classics. Beauty & the Beast, Aladdin, Cinderella, the upcoming version of The Little Mermaid. And now one that fans might not have expected, but is just so exciting. Especially because of the way the world found out. Dwayne Johnson and his two youngest daughters announced in a video filmed on a dreamy beach in Oahu that there is a live-action Moana in the works. Here’s everything we know so far, including which cast members are coming back.

Disney is reimagining Moana in a live-action version.

“As you know, Hawaii means so much to my family and me,” Johnson explains in a video announcement for Disney as his two youngest daughters, 7-year-old Jasmine and 5-year-old Tia who he shares with wife Lauren Hashian, play in the sand. “The traditions of our ohana, or ‘aiga’ as we say in Samoa, were shaped by these incredible islands.”

Johnson, who grew up in Oahu, went on to explain that the Pacific islands and their culture “inspired a very special story,” just before his daughters both yell “Moana!” With that he announced that a live-action “reimagining” of Moana is in the works.

The 2016 animated feature Moana introduced us to so many precious characters. Moana herself, voiced by Auli’l Cravalho, a young Hawaiian princess who sets out on a courageous quest to save her people from an ancient curse. Moana’s grandmother Gramma Tala (Rachel House) who pushes Moana towards her destiny against her father’s wishes. And of course, the vaguely narcissistic demi-god Maui, voiced by Dwayne Johnson, who finds himself helping Moana even as he swears he wants nothing to do with her. Even Hei Hei the chicken (Alan Tudyk), the dimunitive nemesis/best friend of Maui.

Who will return in the live-action Moana?

According to Johnson, pretty much every character. “Moana, Gramma Tala, the music, the dance, Te Fiti, Pua the pig, the village, the beautiful, powerful ocean...” and yes, even Maui. Although Johnson’s daughters claim he is not actually Maui when he asks, at least not until he bribes them with ice cream.

But who will play those characters? Well, we know for sure that Cravalho will not reprise her role as Moana in the live-action version. “When I was cast as Moana at 14 it wonderfully changed my life and started my career. In this live-action retelling I will not be reprising the role,” Cravalho said in a video shared on Instagram.

“I believe it is absolutely vital that casting accurately represents the characters and stories we want to tell,” she continued. “So, as an executive producer on the film, I cannot wait to help find the next actress to portray Moana’s courageous spirit, undeniable wit and emotional strength. I am truly honored to pass this baton to the next young woman of Pacific Island descent, to honor our incredible Pacific peoples, cultures and communities that helped inspire her story. And I look forward to all the beautiful Pacific representation to come.”

When can we expect to see the live-action version of Moana?

It’s early days yet for Moana, which Disney CEO Bob Iger also announced to shareholders in April. No director has been attached to the film, but Johnson is acting as a producer while Moana herself, Cravalho, is listed as an executive producer. Screenwriter Jared Bush is also returning to write the live-action version. A release date probably won’t be announced for some time yet. Until then, you can still stream the original Moana on Disney+.

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