Parents know that a sleeping baby is one of the biggest impediments to after-hours fun with your partner. While most of us have become truly adept at holding in any sounds we once made with wild abandon, the same cannot be said for our sex toys.
Vibrators are notoriously noisy. The famous Hitachi Magic Wand sounds like a jet engine when you have a sleeping baby in the next room. Finding the right combination of power and volume seems an epic task. I mean, what's the point of a vibrator if it's noise-free, but can't get the job done? Thankfully, there are a ton of quiet vibrators on the market that are actually very low decibel.
Much of the sound is related to materials. Solidly silicone toys tend to be the quietest. Wands and hard plastic toys might rock your world, but they may also rattle your teeth with how loud they are. Vibrating sleeves are also pretty noisy, because they often have plastic bullets affixed to the sides, which usually shout to the world exactly what you're playing with. However, vibrating cock rings can be some of the quietest toys, as they're usually made with silicone, and their sound is muffled between two bodies. (If positioned that way.)
I have researched and tested these products — rigorously — and I can tell you with authority, they are amazing, and they are quiet. All of them feature multiple speeds and settings, so you can play around with which one has the right levels for you.
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Best Sucking Toy
This is the quietest air pulse or "clitoral sucking" toy on the market. Most of these have a hard plastic exterior, but this baby is all medical silicone.
The Aer emits small, but powerful, air pulses around the clitoris, forming a seal at the opening to mimic a vacuum. It is a lot of power in a very sensitive area, so if you avoid direct clitoral stimulation, this is not the toy for you.
Best Long Distance Toy
This is the perfect pandemic playmate. If your honey is far away, this extra-quiet app-powered device lets them control what's going on while you just lay back and think of England. The head and neck are both bendable, so it really hits exactly where you need it.
It allows you to focus all the vibration in the head or the shaft, or for them to shake their money makers with equal fervor for the unsuspecting recipient of the play.
Best Wearable Ring
This is a two-piece vibrating ring set. The perfect couples toy, it provides external stimulation for a clitoris or perineum, while delaying release via the secondary ring worn beneath the testicles. With several patterns and settings, it's definitely fun to play with.
But it also works perfectly well on its own as a vibrator with a convenient handle. The texture on the underside is subtle, but noticeable on your sensitive vulva and clitoris.
Most Unique Style
This highly squeezable, soft vibrator reacts to being squished. The tighter the squeeze, the better the vibration. Wonderful alone or with a partner, this toy has the unique benefit of being gentle and powerful at the same time. It reminds me of those old pink stress-reliever balls — and does it ever relieve stress.
Beyond its uniqueness, it is also a great grinding toy for solo play that can be used hands-free up against a surface strong enough to provide pressure against it.
Most Travel-Friendly
Most vibrators are very obviously sex toys, making them a little awkward to pack in your carry-on. This just looks like lipstick to the magnetometers, but heck, even if they pull it out in front of you, just do what I do and loudly whisper, "That's my vibrator!" You've never seen a TSA agent drop something so fast in your life. The settings are pretty basic, but what it lacks in melody, it makes up for in rhythm.
Even the lowest level on this lovely lady will roll your eyes back in your head with its might. And no one will hear it, even if you're sneaking time in the hotel bathroom with your partner. Worth every penny.
Best Quiet Vibrating Anal Toy
Many vibrating butt plugs have a gajillion speeds and all of them are louder than a hornets’ nest. And when it's not where it’s supposed to be? You can hear it three apartments down in some Brooklyn buildings. That is not the case with the Shimmy.
It's also very slim, so it's great for beginner's booty play. The ring makes it easy to withdraw and insert — just make sure to have plenty of lube and relax.
Best Suction Cup/Harness Wearable
If you're looking for a vibrator to wear with a harness as a strap-on or a vibrator you can place on a surface to use with a suction cup, this is the one for you. It's best to use it on its lowest setting if you're putting it on a hard surface, as that makes it louder, but in general, it's very quiet. (Be cognizant of your surface. A solid bathtub won't be very loud, but a file cabinet? It's going to sound like an earthquake.)
In a harness, it's naturally going to be quieter as it's up against a body. The veins provide additional internal stimulation, and the center is very stiff, so it is easy to use and move around with. The tie-dye coloring is fun to look at, though as parents, you're less likely to have it out as a display piece.
Best Curved Toy
This vibrator has a fun, squishy edge with a ridge on the tip that can be played with either internally or externally. It's not much longer than your hand, so it can be used very discreetly, without taking up much space in your drawer or handbag. The pattern and power choices are vast, and that's important when you're using it with direct clitoral stimulation.
Most Unique Shape
This leaf-shaped vibe fits in the palm of your hand, and shapes wonderfully against your vulva. It has 10 patterns of play, and its sheath is soft and thick, which makes it very quiet.
Because of its shape, it is a great grinding or female-to-female toy because both sides have a pleasing texture designed to hit all your soft spots.
Best Internal & External Couple Toy
This is a more gentle lover, as it is designed to be worn inside and outside during penetration. However, it fits so snugly that the constant pressure on the g-spot and clitoris make it very powerful. It's fully waterproof, too, so bathtub games may be afoot.
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