For a lot of moms, the early days of motherhood are a severe struggle because they’re going through a major adjustment while also suffering from a postpartum mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD). As an outsider, you have to find the sweet spot where you’re offering support while also respecting her boundaries. One way to do this is to come up with an arsenal of texts to send to your friend with postpartum depression or anxiety (PPD or PPA) when you think she could use a little encouragement.
“People shower new moms with support immediately after the baby is born, but they tend to go on with their busy lives as the weeks pass by,” licensed professional counselor Kirsten Brunner tells Romper in an email. “This can cause depressed or anxious mothers to feel isolated, neglected, and alone,” she adds.
These feelings will only intensify what she’s already experiencing as a result of her PPD or PPA, so the best way to help her is to remind her that she’s not alone. “Just the simple act of reaching out to a parent who is struggling with a PMAD is helpful,” says Brunner, including something as small as a text message.
If you’re having trouble coming up with a text message that shows your support, or you’re just generally not sure what to say, that’s okay. To help you out, Brunner, licensed psychotherapist Kellie Wicklund, and Christina Moran, program coordinator at the Maternal Wellness Center have contributed to this list of helpful texts to send to a friend who is experiencing PPD or PPA.
Get Real
“You are on my mind today. How are you doing, and by that, I mean how are you really doing?”
A Kind Reminder
“You are such a good mom, and your baby is so lucky to have you.”
Offer Sleep
“How are you sleeping, mama? Are you getting enough sleep, and if not, can I come hold the baby while you rest?”
Do Some Research
“I’m happy to help with locating a support group/therapist/housekeeper/nanny/doula. Can I do that research for you?”
Offer To Tag Along
“Do you want to go to Target together? I will be happy to help out with the baby so you can get your shopping done.”
Ask If She Wants A Treat
“I'm grabbing a coffee for myself today. Can I grab a decaf for you and swing by?”
Ask About Their Partner
“How are things going with your partner? All of that sleep deprivation was really hard on my marriage after we had our baby.”
A Little Hope
“I know you feel pretty terrible right now, but it will get better.”
See If She Needs Some Dinner
“I'm making meatballs tonight and I know I'll have extra. Is it ok to drop off a tupperware full on your porch this evening? If you're up for it, we could even visit on the porch, but no pressure.”
Let Her Vent
“Real talk: sometimes being a mom is heavenly. Sometimes it kinda sucks. Are you in heaven or suckville today? I want to hear ALL the things.”
Acknowledge Her
“Have I told you I think you are a badass mom? It's a super tough job, and I think you are doing great.”
Get Her Outside
“I feel like I could use a walk. Do you and baby want to join me?”
Help With Chores
“Can I swing by and pick up your laundry?”
Offer Up Groceries
“Can I drop off some groceries?”
Give Her A Break
“I bet you would like to get out of the house. Would it help for me to stay with the baby while it’s sleeping and you go grab a coffee or a pedicure?”
Let Her Open Up
“It took me a long time to bond with my baby, and it was really hard. Are you experiencing this?”
Offer A Referral
“If you’re looking for someone to talk to, [doctor/therapist/counselor name] was really helpful after I had my baby.”
Entertain The Big Kids
“Would you mind if I took your older kids out to the park for the day?”
Relate To Her
“When I was a new mom, I had OK days, totally crappy days and in-between days. How's your day going? OK, crappy or somewhere in between?”
Offer To Hang Out
“Do you want to come over to watch sad movies and drink tea?”
Normalize How She Feels
“I cried every day after my baby was born. But it got better as the days and weeks went by. How are you holding up, friend?”
Offer To Babysit
“Do you need a night out? I can watch the kids.”
Talk About Medication
“Don’t know if you know, but I take an antidepressant. Have you talked to your doctor about it?”
Just Take Action
“I ordered some pizza to be delivered to your house at 6:00 for you and the kids. Enjoy!”
Help With Errands
“I’m at the store now, is there anything I can grab for you while I’m out?”
Some Assurance
“It is okay to feel this way.”
Don’t Forget Partners
“You don’t have to be the one who birthed the baby to experience postpartum depression.”
Remember, what you say is secondary to you simply taking the time to say it. Let her know that she’s doing great and that you’re there to help in whatever way you can.
Experts:
Kirsten Brunner, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor with a specialty in postpartum mood disorders, and co-author of The Birth Guy’s Go-To Guide for New Dads.
Christina Moran, HCHI, HCHD, Hypnobabies Childbirth Hypnosis Instructor and Program Coordinator at the Maternal Wellness Center
Kellie Wicklund, MA, LPC, PMH-C, Licensed Psychotherapist, and Clinical Director of the Maternal Wellness Center.
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