The Elf on the Shelf is a seemingly innocent tradition, but so is decorating cookies with your children and we all know how that turns out. (The sprinkles. Why do they treat sprinkles that way?) The book that accompanies the Elf on the Shelf your family adopts makes no mention of your elf wreaking havoc on your plumbing by flushing marshmallows down the toilet or coating your kitchen with weirdly-impossible-to-clean-up flour, but it also doesn't mention that your Elf on the Shelf can get pregnant with just one Etsy purchase, and seriously, what are parents even doing?
We're creating magic here, people! And sometimes magic looks like tiny, adorable plastic elves that appear overnight in the arms of your happy Elf on the Shelf. In a random stroke of festive goodwill, I decided to see what else was out there for our elf to do other than waste the good toilet paper from Costco on the stairs, and I stumbled across an entire Etsy listing for baby elves. Baby! Elves! And accessories! (Which are not licensed Elf on the Shelf products, it must be noted. You can find official Elf on the Shelf merchandise on the brand's website, including little elf pets, outfits, and “elf mates.”)
There are literally tiny bottles for your elf to feed their tiny, rosy-cheeked offspring, along with tiny birth certificates, and it's all miniature Christmas goodness. For a minute, I wondered if there was also some kind of costume pack you could buy for your elf that came with a giant belly (I had a doll that had this when I was a kid and the baby nestled upside down in a pouch of her maternity dress waiting to be expelled. It did me absolutely no service when it came time to birth my own baby), but it seems we're going to skip the whole biology part and just blame it on Santa. Santa gifting the elves with a baby that is, not impregnating your Elf on the Shelf.
The Etsy shop ElfWonderland has several fun baby things for your Elf on the Shelf. There are the actual babies, of course, which come with a bottle and birth certificate if you like, and have insanely good reviews. (My favorite is the parent who told her kids their Elf on the Shelf had a baby at home and they asked for the baby to come visit, too.) But the ElfWonderland store also sells little outfits for your baby elves if they need some extra duds, and even tiny sleeping baby elves were are just too much cuteness.
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If you can’t get enough tiny baby elf accessories, the Etsy shop MaskMamaBoutique sells little cribs, highchairs, and other baby elf furniture so your little Elf on the Shelf family has everything they need for a visit to your house. And if you do not put these elves in your kid’s Barbie Dreamhouse or dollhouse at some point, then I don’t even know who you are anymore.
The problem here is now you have to figure out the rules. How did your elf get pregnant? Do the babies just show up one morning on a candy cane? Can the baby elves be touched? Do they have magic, too? Does this mean there are a dozen eyes watching your children at all times? That's where your own creativity comes in, parents. Pinterest does not have a Pregnant Elf Handbook available.
Honestly, you could use these baby elves to prove to your children that mothers are the ultimate multitaskers. Think your elf didn't see you hit your brother because they were rocking their baby? Think again, my friend. This ain't no straight-out-of-the-North-Pole elf. This elf has been up all night reporting to Santa with a whiny baby elf on their hip — they have zero time for your reindeer games.
So if you're wondering how to make your Elf on the Shelf pregnant, the answer is you just... get a baby? From Etsy? And then they're pregnant and can enjoy all the not-so-silent nights you're currently suffering at the hands of your own tiny spawn. (Which you very decidedly did not order from Etsy, alas.)
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