They say “little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems,” and as much as parents of colicky infants and rambunctiouss toddlers may find it difficult to believe, parents of older and adult children will swear by it. On a recent post on Reddit’s “Am I The A—hole” (commonly referred to as AITA) subreddit, one parent of a 22-year-old exemplified this adage: “AITA for telling my daughter (who is facing homelessness) that only her and the baby can move in with me, not her husband?” asked Redditor u/Still-Stormy and woo-boy. This one is tough.
According to the post, u/Still-Stormy explains that their daughter and her husband live in an apartment that was recently sold by the owners, necessitating their move. However, rents in the area — nearly $1,000 more a month than what they’re currently paying — are unaffordable.
“My daughter knows she is always welcome at home,” they explain, “granted a baby complicates things. I wasn't happy about her having a baby (she's young, just turned 22), but I would never deny her housing.”
Their daughter’s husband, however, whom they call “Aaron,” is another story. Significantly older than their daughter (mid-30s to the daughter’s newly 22), with a “criminal history, hair trigger temper, chronic [immaturity], and one hell of a jealous/possessive streak,” Aaron is not in his in-law’s good graces. “I wouldn't invite Aaron over for dinner, let alone let him live with me,” u/Still-Stormy asserts.
Aaron and their daughter, they say, have been together on and off since their daughter was 18. And while the Redditor thought their daughter’s pregnancy would drive Aaron away, the opposite happened: the pair had a “very rushed” wedding and, while things remain rocky, this past year or so is the longest they’ve gone without a breakup.
The parents’ ultimatum — “you and your baby can stay but not your husband” — has understandably caused a rift between them and their daughter, who wishes to remain housed with her husband. But while the eviction date looms ever closer, u/Still-Stormy remains firm in their boundary.
“I simply don't want to live with Aaron,” they write. “I don't like him. I don't want him around me. I'd go above and beyond for my daughter and the baby, they can stay as long as they need, but not him.”
Angry words have been exchanged, including u/Still-Stormy’s daughter calling them an “a—hole,” leading them to post the story on AITA. “I can genuinely see why she might think that, but I also have to think about myself and my own sanity.”
Redditor support was overwhelmingly on the side of the poster, but highlighted the fact that there doesn’t appear to be a great solution to this problem.
“NTA (Not the a—hole),” one response reads. “You've evidently been clear about not having Aaron over to your house before, so your daughter can't be surprised. But be prepared for this to create a rift between you two.”
“NTA but at the same time, be aware that he could use this to further isolate her from any support network by saying you don't care,” says another.
“NAH (no a—holes here),” says a third. “She's trying to ask for her dad's help. You've stated your position that she has a home for her and her baby but her husband can't come along. Most couples wouldn't agree to live separately, so she'll be homeless with your grandchildren and husband. I can understand why you have this firm boundary. I can also understand why she has hers. It's an impasse and you're going to have to love her from afar because she will likely not see it your way and will continue to view you as an asshole. Just be prepared for that.”
Others accuse u/Still-Stormy of intentionally trying to force their daughter’s hand and drive a wedge between her and Aaron.
“You’ve got some control issues,” says one commenter bluntly. “Either support your daughter or don’t. The husband is part of the deal. I’m not disagreeing he sounds unbearable but maybe true love and support would be helpful.”
Another takes it further.
“YTA (You’re The A—hole). I appreciate that you don’t like him, but really, not allowing him to stay is placing more stress on your daughter, their relationship and your grandchild,” they write. “It’s not helpful at all to offer a place for daughter and child, but not the father. Is she just supposed to forget he exists? Are you purposefully attempting to break them up? It seems like you are.”
One commenter puts the whole situation succinctly. “No ass$oles here, and no good solutions.”
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