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Like many moms of school-aged kids, JoAnna Garcia Swisher [Sweet Magnolias, Reba] spends a lot of her time in the car. Her daughters — Emerson, 11, and Sailor, 8 whom she shares with her husband Nick Swisher— are always off to somewhere. School, horseback riding lessons, cheer practice (“I’m officially a cheer mom!” she tells me on Zoom), but she doesn’t seem to mind too much. In fact, she relishes this time.
“Honestly, it's my favorite time with the kids, and I talk to so many moms and dads that feel this way too,” she says. “My husband takes the kids to school in the morning and I pick up— Nick likes to pump them up for the day and gets all of their thoughts and motivation and I get the debrief on the way home because those first few minutes when they get in my car, I learn more than anything.”
So her fondness for this particular time and space made her recent partnership with Kelley Blue Book (KBB) — in connection with their list of 12 Best Family Cars of 2024 — a no-brainer.
“[Being in the car means] there's no distractions and we're there and it's actual quality time,” she explains. (If you’re finding your car trips are less profound, never fear— KBB has released “Car-fessional” cards, open ended questions for your family discuss on your next drive. You can find them pinned on their Instagram profile.)
These daily conversations have also allowed the mom and actress to realize that even though her girls are only three years apart, the space between “11-year-old tween” and “still-a-kid 8” are profound.
“They're both in very different stages,” she says. “And I don't know that I would've said that a year ago ... Emerson is fully in her tween era where conversations are different and things are changing and it's really, actually...” there’s a little pause. “I didn't know what I would think of this because when they grow up they grow up so fast. But I always want to keep them my baby.”
But babies don’t have the kind of “meaningful and thoughtful” conversations her eldest is now having. As much as she misses that baby phase, this new one is fascinating and beautiful.
“You can see her putting things together and how she views the world. And it's just really interesting. ... She's really kind of come into this new confident little young woman and it's just really sweet to see. And I am very excited for her.”
And Sailor, in the tradition of little sisters can’t wait to catch up.
— Bob D'Amico/Disney General Entertainment Content via Getty Images
But that’s not to say the sisters don’t have anything in common anymore. They both, for example, love watching their mom’s TV shows and movies.
“The stuff that I've done is pretty family friendly!” she says brightly. “They watched most of Sweet Magnolias, and they just got into Reba because it’s on Netflix.”
The faces are familiar. Garcia Swisher is still close with much of the cast of the show, and her girls have grown up with them as a sort of extended family. “It was exciting for them to see the people that they love so much that spoil them and love on them, see us all together... and me with blonde hair, that was also a highlight for them.”
Next up? Possibly Are You Afraid of the Dark, which Garcia Swisher was in when she was just a little bit older than Emerson. Maybe they can stream a few episodes together on their next road trip...
While promoting my first book at readings and book club gatherings and libraries around the country, I spent most of my time talking about abortion. I made jokes about my cervix; I cried (and laughed) with readers who so generously and movingly shared their own stories with me (and/or asked me to draw boobs in their copies when they reached the front of the book-signing line). I answered endless questions about seaweed and God and selective terminations and C-sections and abortion clinic candy drawers.
And I would always find a way to bring up the fact that we, as a culture, have been conditioned to understand abortion in certain narrow ways, for certain narrow purposes. We’ve been trained to frame our circumstances in a certain way with certain words when we argue for our basic human rights. For instance, “trimesters.” This is a revelation for many people, maybe even for most of us: Trimesters aren’t real.
When examining the text of, or the circumstances surrounding, 1973’s Roe v. Wade decision — as you may feel the unfortunate need to spend more and more of your one wild and precious life doing these days — you’ll see some interesting quotation marks, and note some interesting usage of terms like “crafted” and “devised.” You’ll see frequent mention of trimesters and viability, but not of their biological origins. This is because they were invented by a man named Harry Blackmun, who was not a doctor but a judge, a Supreme Court justice, who, even as he invented them, admitted just how arbitrary these concepts are.
Trimesters are the Easter Bunny. They are the Tooth Fairy. They are Santa Claus, if Santa Claus was a cop and also had failed high school biology.
This trimester framework is derived not from ancient medicine or common knowledge of the human body and reproductive systems but from nine guys who went to law school before women could get credit cards in our own name, and their assessment of when “the state’s interest” in our pregnancies might become “compelling.” I just love to compel people, don’t you? In other words: Trimesters are real — have to be real, for those of us whose bodies and lives are being legislated about — in the way that money and the stock market and the economy are real. In other words: They are figments of some crusty old male imaginations.
Trimesters are the Easter Bunny. They are the Tooth Fairy. They are Santa Claus, if Santa Claus was a cop and also had failed high school biology.
The sole purpose of Roe’s “trimester framework” (note the use of quotation marks, which allow us to just be out here saying any old thing we want!) was to permit different states to enact different categories of abortion regulations at different stages of pregnancy. That’s it.
“For the stage prior to approximately the end of the first trimester,” Justice Blackmun wrote, in his majority opinion on Roe for the court, “the abortion decision and its effectuation must be left to the medical judgment of the pregnant woman’s attending physician.”
In the so-called second trimester, Blackmun went on to propose, the state could adopt abortion restrictions “reasonably related to maternal health.”
Then, Blackmun wrote, would come “viability.” After fetal “viability” — which, in the court’s mind, is some exact moment at which all fetuses could survive outside the womb, then associated with the third trimester but in actuality varies widely from pregnancy to pregnancy — a state’s interest in “the potentiality of human life” would support prohibition of abortion, as long as the law allowed exceptions for “the life or health of the mother.”
I have many questions for Justice Blackmun. Here are just a few:
At this mysterious moving target of “viability,” the fetus can “survive” on its own, how? On life support? With what medical interventions and for how long?
What, having survived, is then its quality of life?
What if the fetus will not survive any given length of gestation because of anomalies or genetic conditions?
And who is deciding, here, what “health” means? Or how close a pregnant person can get to dying before abortion care can be provided to keep them alive? Who is deciding what it means if they die later, from complications of the labor and delivery they couldn’t or didn’t want to endure?
Let me know, Harry!
One of the most crazy-making aspects of parenthood — and just plain old existence — in this country in 2024 is the legally mandated lack of imagination available to the rest of us. Yes, we seem to be told, this is all logistically impossible, and also breathtakingly cruel, but it has to be this way, you see. There is no other way! Day care has to be privatized and run by corporations, and it must charge mortgage-sized tuition fees while paying its teachers unlivable wages. You have to go back to work after 12 (unpaid! Deal with it!) weeks of parental leave, your child quite literally a newborn up until this very second, your body and brain still in the very beginning stages of recovery from their birth. We have to build highways and parking garages in lieu of functional public transit, and wars must be fought to pay for all the oil we just have to suck from the Earth and use in order to get to the jobs that have to be worked outside of our homes and on a separate schedule than our schools, which just, unavoidably, are full of guns. There’s nothing we can do about it, you understand.
Is it unfortunate that intrauterine device (IUD) insertions simply must be agonizingly painful? Sure. Is it tragic that every few hours there is a school shooting in America, and that the pollinators are dying off and the sea level is rising, and that nobody in power will lift a single finger to protect our children from this abject horror? We guess so! But them’s the breaks. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. Thoughts and prayers go out to you, though, for sure. So many thoughts and prayers.
So, too, must pregnancy be the (terrifying, nonsensical, wildly inequitable) way it is, in America. The state wields the unquestionable right and power to intervene in our pregnancies, we are told. Which interventions it chooses — and at which stages of those pregnancies — depends on our geographic, racial, and socio-economic circumstances. Normal! Fine! Can’t be any other way, even though abortion itself is one of many totally normal pregnancy outcomes and is older than the Catholic Church, the Supreme Court, and the United States.
Pregnancies just happen to be neatly divided into three little containers, you see, identical inside each body just as our children are then identical little robots who develop along predetermined and exact timelines once they are born.
Abortion is an act of imagination, too.
There are many, many reasons why the Roe v. Wade decision was possible in 1973 and wouldn’t be now. The ruling — which was, in actual practice and for all our invocation of its gifts, an abortion ban that dictated on a federal level which abortions were acceptable and allowable and which were punishable by law — was a product of a time rich in Men Making Stuff Up (see also: Henry Kissinger, Vietnam War), but also of a time in which abortion was not yet the enormously profitable political football and fundraising buzzword it has become today.
When Roe was decided, it was by a Republican-nominated Supreme Court. In fact, the seven out of nine justices who agreed that the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment (which says that no state shall “deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law”) implies a right to privacy counted lifelong Republicans among their ranks. The Republican Party had not yet discovered that extremist and draconian anti-abortion policy was the key to unlocking enormous treasure chests of evangelical and Catholic money and lobbying power. When Roe was decided, William J. Brennan was the only Catholic justice. Today, six of the nine justices are Catholic.
In both of my own pregnancies, one of which ended with the birth of my child and the other with an abortion, I found myself having to work harder than ever to remember what is real and what is not. At 13 weeks and one day pregnant, in my so-called second trimester, I was devastated to find that I did not suddenly stop vomiting and start glowing, as every book and neighbor and nurse had assured me I would.
I had to remind myself, over and over again: These are not actually the terms set by my body.
At 24 weeks — the age at which the McCullough textbook says that my American fetus should survive outside the womb — I was enraged by the realization that said “survival” would require a level and volume of medical intervention that would ruin my life and finances forever, not to mention imparting the trauma of an uncertain stay in the NICU even without any other major complications.
I had to remind myself, over and over again: These are not actually the terms set by my body. That unlike the elephantine swelling of my feet or the hormones that make me sob for 45 minutes about a bird I saw that looked like it might be hurt, these terms are not actually real.
You see, these things aren’t inevitable or observed to be occurring naturally in our bodies or on our courts. These goalposts aren’t shifting themselves. These laws and statutes and amendments aren’t simply appearing on the magic erase tablets of our state constitutions. They are decided, designed, calculated, created, enacted and then enforced, by whichever nine or 12 or 4 or 535 people have enough money and free time — and enough control over their own reproductive lives and family structures — to get the jobs that give them power over the rest of us.
But, as I tell patients and doula clients and readers alike: Abortion is an act of imagination, too. It’s an act of creating an alternative path for yourself, instead of following the directions written by those who a) don’t know which way is up and b) don’t care if you live or die, as long as you make them money. Access to abortion care — whether we seek it for ourselves or help support and provide it for each other — is one of the ways we go off-script, abandoning the nonsensical plots they keep writing and re-writing for us, in a language they’ll never even be able to learn. They can make up all the little scenes and characters and rules they want. We write our own stories.
If you’ve ever gotten a mammogram and read through your results, you probably saw that section that says “you may have dense breasts, yada yada yada.” Well, telling someone they may or may not have something is... less than helpful. But starting September 10, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration will require all mammography facilities to inform women, on their mammo results, whether they have dense breasts or not. Here’s everything you need to know about the new standard.
What does it mean to have dense breasts?
Breast density is basically just a measurement of how much glandular and fibrous tissue is in your breasts compared to fat. If you have a lot of it and not so much fatty tissue, you have dense breasts. Dense breasts are harder to see through on a mammogram, according to the American Cancer Society, which makes it harder for radiologists to spot cancer in your mammo images. Women who have dense breasts also have a higher risk of developing breast cancer than other women, though research hasn’t yet figured out why.
Women with dense breasts might need additional screenings, like an ultrasound or MRI, to detect breast cancer in its early stages. So, you can imagine why it’s important to be notified if you have dense breasts. “We haven't always told women about this information, and there are many advocates who experienced a late-stage diagnosis of breast cancer and said, ‘Well, wait, I just got my mammogram three months ago and it was fine.’ And the reason that they have a later-stage cancer is because their cancer just doesn’t show up on a mammogram, even though they’ve been going every year regularly,” says Dr. Wendie Berg, M.D., professor of radiology at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine and chief scientific advisor for DenseBreast-info.org.
Where’d this new standard come from?
The National Breast Density Reporting Standard is a new federal legislation that requires all mammography facilities to notify a woman whether her breasts are “not dense” or “dense” on her results. In the past, only some states had laws in place to ensure mammogram facilities provided this information to their patients, but even then, the language in many of their notifications was confusing or less than helpful, says JoAnn Pushkin, executive director of DenseBreast-info.org. For example, some states will just add general information about dense breasts to a patient’s results without specifying that she has them — making it read like it doesn’t pertain to her.
Pushkin was diagnosed with breast cancer after years of faithfully getting her mammograms, and later discovered that her doctors and mammogram facility had all been aware she had dense breasts, but they never told her. Had she known, she says she would have pushed for more screenings each year. After the grueling treatment process, Pushkin took action.
“I lived in New York state, and I began to work on the introduction of a New York state breast density inform law, which was ultimately signed into law in 2012. We became the very first state in the United States to require that women actually be told after their mammograms that your breast tissue is dense, that it can hide cancer, does increase your risk, and certainly you should speak to your doctor about additional screening after your mammogram.” Many other states followed suit, and Pushkin reached out to the FDA in 2011 about making this notification a federal standard. Now, in 2024, it’s finally in place.
So you got your results. Now what?
For starters, pay close attention to the section about dense breasts on your mammogram results. The information there will be new and specific to you. “Women are used to getting some of these general notices and this will be very different. Heads up, pay attention, read it,” says Pushkin.
Next, talk to your doctor about what having dense breasts might mean for you. If you have other breast cancer risk factors, they might want you to get additional breast cancer screenings each year. The mammogram report that is sent to your doctor must now include your category of breast density, Berg says, so ask about yours. There are four categories: fatty or scattered, which will be labeled as “not dense” on your patient report, and heterogeneously dense or extremely dense, which would be labeled as “dense.” Your breast density affects your personal level of risk.
Do some homework. Experts don’t totally agree on the best screenings for women with dense breasts, so you’ll want to be ready to discuss what you think is best with your doctor. DenseBreast-info.org has in-depth resources about the pros and cons of each type of screening so you can be informed about each one, and flow charts and risk models your physician can use to help decide the best next steps.
Of course, additional screenings will mean additional costs. Currently, 33 states (and Washington D.C.) have laws in place requiring insurance providers to cover some diagnostic testing after a screening mammogram, but many plans are exempt. In order to make sure all women have equal access to the screenings they need, Pushkin and Berg’s organization is working with Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro on the Find it Early Act. “It would require all insurance, including all federal plans, to fully cover — with no copay or deductible — the cost of that additional screening and diagnostic testing up to the point of biopsy. That would level the playing field and should improve access greatly,” says Berg.
All in all, this standard is a huge step in ensuring women are notified about their own bodies and risk factors, and that they have all the information they need to make informed decisions about their health care. “This standard is something that allows the patient to at least then understand and think about what’s right for her with fewer surprises down the road,” Berg says. “I hate to see any woman come in with a lump due to cancer that could have been found earlier. She should have a choice, does she want to have the additional testing or not?”
“It has been many years of women fighting in individual states to try to prevent this tragedy from pulling up a chair to anyone else’s kitchen table. There are women who are no longer with us who were fighting for these laws in states while they were undergoing treatment who have died in the meantime. These are preventable tragedies,” says Pushkin.
Last fall I was sitting in my therapist’s office, crying about whether I would ever have kids. In my 20s, it had been so easy to swear I would never be this woman: obsessed with fertility, reducing her life and body to a steadily-ticking time bomb. But nothing humbles you like the passage of time, and there I was, 36 and single and crying. “Have you thought about freezing your eggs?” my therapist asked.
I’d encountered the question before, of course. I knew other women who’d done it, who said it had changed their lives. Taken a weight off of their minds. Allowed them to finally relax, date for fun, and not worry so much.
But I had always been resistant. There was the expense, first of all: usually in the neighborhood of $10,000, unthinkable on my freelancer’s income. But more than that, I didn’t want to have to admit to anyone — especially myself — that it was time to do anything other than wait and see. Having to freeze my eggs felt like a series of compounding failures: failure to be eternally young, to be wanted and loved, and, on top of that, to be like, totally chill about it all.
The reason I go to therapy is so that someone will look me in the eye and say: you sound really stupid right now, Zan.
I was forced to admit that I did. So I asked my parents to cover the costs of a round, and they agreed. (They can afford it, and would very much like a grandchild.) From there, it felt like fate took over: I mentioned the idea to a friend who went to medical school, and she lit up. Her favorite classmate had just started working at a fertility clinic and was looking for clients; she put us in touch. Dr. A assured me that actually, 36 was the perfect time to be doing this: old enough that the eggs we got were likely to be useful to me, but young enough that their quality would still be good.
I was buoyed by a sense that everything was falling into place; that I was on the path, as we say out here in LA. That even though this wasn’t exactly what I had wanted, it was at least going to be easy. I would endure a couple of uncomfortable weeks, learn how to give myself shots, watch my ovaries swell to the size of tennis balls, and then I would be done. I already looked forward to how I’d feel after: triumphant. Accomplished. And of course, that most sought-after state of all: relaxed.
I went in for an initial scan — a brief blood draw, a transvaginal ultrasound. A few days later, I got my results.
And that was where the fairytale ended. It turned out that my ovarian reserve was low — basically, I just don’t have that many eggs left. (I will never get over how uncanny it feels to talk about “my eggs.”) If I was trying to get pregnant the old-fashioned way, it wouldn’t necessarily matter — after all, for that, you only need one. But egg freezing is a numbers game. You want to harvest as many as you can at once.
I knew how devastating fertility struggles could be in theory. My friend Doree Shafrir made a whole podcast about the subject. But as I cried my way through the next few days— I am a champion crier — I realized that I had miscategorized this adventure in my head. I had not thought of egg freezing as a fertility treatment. In fact, I had unconsciously considered it as a shortcut away from the very situation I now found myself in. An insurance policy against fertility issues; a promise that I could simply buy my way out of running out of time.
I know I am not alone, and how could I be? The industry has a vested interest in maintaining this delusion. Business Insider recently wrote about how clinics are targeting increasingly younger women with the promise of a “set it and forget it” approach to having kids: the alluring notion that fertility is a problem that, thanks to modern medicine, can be easily solved.
But there are warnings, if you look for them. As I tried to figure out how many rounds I’d have to go through to get a reasonable number of eggs, I landed on a New York Timesheadline that read, “‘Sobering’ Study Shows Challenges of Egg Freezing,” which assured me that my low egg count could be a big, big problem. It turned out that it had been shortsighted at best not to do more research before plunking down some $12,000 of my parents’ money on something that might never yield meaningful results. Because if I wanted any real assurance of a baby someday, I’d have to do this — and spend that much — somewhere between two and five more times.
The length of that initial cycle, from first bloodwork to the final retrieval, was 12 long days, and I spent them swimming in confusion and grief. I had just convinced myself to try, only to be reminded, in no uncertain terms, that all of my effort might be in vain. I now felt not only old and unwanted but also stupid and wasteful.
Fertility presses on so many tender spots: it thumbs hard at bruises around what the “right” kind of body is, and whether you have one, and whether you could be doing more to achieve one.
When I had talked to friends before the procedure, we had all framed the decision to freeze eggs as sort of like getting LASIK, which I also did a few years ago. A little risky, yes, but ultimately common and barely noteworthy. I had not taken the possibility of failure, or even grief, into account.
And it's true that, even if someone had tried to tell me how wrong I was, I’m not sure I would have been willing to hear it. On some level I knew instinctively that once I stopped being casual about this, I would have to look at a tangle of complications I rarely want to acknowledge, let alone confront. The reminders that fertility, pregnancy, birth — they’re medical, yes, but they’re also something more.
Fertility presses on so many tender spots: it thumbs hard at bruises around what the “right” kind of body is, and whether you have one, and whether you could be doing more to achieve one. But more than that, it reminds us that for all of the signs of aging that we can forestall or hide — gray hair, wrinkled foreheads — we cannot stop the clock entirely. That there are certain things that you cannot hold onto forever. That one of them is, inevitably, your own life.
That sounds dramatic. But I just mean: my body has changed and evolved in so many ways in the last 37 years. There are yoga postures, for instance, that used to be as natural as breathing that, at some point, I lost my grip on. The difference is, if I really applied myself, I could probably get my flying crow back. But there is no amount of effort and training, or medical intervention — whether it be supplements or acupuncture or prayers or even egg-freezing— that will make my body have a baby it doesn’t want to have. If I haven’t already lost my fertility, someday I will. As surely as I will someday lose my breath.
Put another way: Since I got my first period at 10, I have had to grapple with the idea that my body had the potential to create life. How could losing that not feel like a kind of death?
You can see why having to pay $12,000 to figure all of that out really felt like adding insult to injury.
In the end, after those harrowing 12 days, my first cycle went well. The retrieval was smooth, and we got five mature eggs, which put my chances of having a kid from them at an estimated 36%.
And then, knowing everything I (now) knew, I decided to do it again.
This time, I paid for the cycle myself, with the help of a very good year at work and the Jewish Free Loan Agency, which made the money aspect of the procedure much easier to swallow. I got the exact same number on try #2 as try #1, which means I now have approximately a 50/50 chance of getting a child from those eggs. The flip of a coin. Somehow, that feels exactly right to me. It sits on the knife’s edge of possibility: a hope, but not a certainty. A door I’ve opened and may or may not ever be able to walk through.
I think of it like an ante, a way of putting skin in whatever game I’m playing with the universe. Saying, I want this very badly, and I’m willing to sacrifice something for it.
The egg freezing process is a lonely one, or at least it was for me. I got bloated and tired, but more than that I felt vulnerable, constantly aware of my swollen ovaries, of the promise and potential they held. Both times I burrowed down, spent the days mostly alone, witnessing my body as it took syringes of chemical intrusion and transformed them into — well, we’ll see what, eventually. It gave me a lot of time to think. And what I thought a lot, that second time, was: why am I doing this again?
It also gave me time to think through an answer. I have so little control in this situation. I can’t magically conjure a boyfriend or husband, without whom having a child is, for me, financially and logistically infeasible.
But time does continue to pass; my body continues to change. Freezing my eggs might help less than I want it to. But it has to be better than doing nothing. At the very least, I think of it like an ante, a way of putting skin in whatever game I’m playing with the universe. Saying, I want this very badly, and I’m willing to sacrifice something for it.
Trying is a loaded word around fertility — and what does it mean, to try to make a body do something? Biology is one of the more stubborn facts I’ve encountered in my lifetime. But also, this is something I want, and I probably have a few more years left yet. What is there to do but open up my palms, surrender to chance, and ask for help? Why wouldn’t I try whatever I can?
Alexandra Romanoff is the author ofBig Fan, thedebut romance novel from 831 Stories. She isalso a journalist, a cultural critic, and the author of three previous novels. She also co-hosts the podcast On the Bleachers, which examines the intersection of sports and pop culture. Her favorite member of One Direction is Louis Tomlinson. She lives and writes in LA.
I will forever miss the big holiday catalogs coming in the mail, but the Walmart 2024 Top Toys List coming out each year nearly fills that hole. With three small kids who don’t watch a whole lot of cable TV — and therefore miss a lot of commercials that they can shout, “Ooh I want that!” to — it’s imperative that I get a list of the top toys of the year to finish up my holiday shopping. Walmart’s Top Toys List is back this year with a whopping 66 must-have toys, including 25 toys on the list that are under $25.
And you don’t have to worry — the Walmart Top Toys List every year is full of things your kid actually wants (maybe they just don’t know it yet). Their favorite movies and franchises are represented, and all of the brands they already know and love, from LEGO and Hot Wheels to VTech and Disney are on the list as well. For Barbie fans, the Walmart 2024 Top Toys List also includes an exclusive collection from Mattel and Walmart called Barbie World, full of fun accessories and playsets. Basically, your entire shopping list for all the kids in your life is covered by the Walmart Top Toys List — and Romper has the exclusive.
You can find the entire list online, but here are a few of our favorite items on the Walmart 2024 Top Toys List.
These items are just a few of the toys on Walmart’s Top Toys List that are under $25, and the age ranges on the entire list will truly take care of everyone. There are also plenty of licensed favorites, and some of the toys on the Walmart Top Toy List will for sure be at the top of your kid’s own wish list.
If you’re looking for the one big item your kid’s going to lose their mind over this holiday season, the Walmart Top Toy List has you there, too. Here are a few favorite “big items” for all ages:
So go ahead and get your shopping lists ready. Toys for preschoolers and gifts all the way up to tweens and teens are available on the Walmart 2024 Top Toys List. It’s seriously all you need to make sure everybody gets what’s going to make them happy this holiday season — and you can use curbside pick-up for pretty much all of it. I know it’s just September, but if Santa can start work early, so can you.
The vasectomy party was a turning point. My husband had recently befriended a local dad crew, and Jonah, a father of two girls who worked in renewable energy and surfed on the weekends, was due for his. Jonah accidentally scheduled his vasectomy for a day his wife was out of town, natch, so Chris, a perpetually-delighted pediatrician and father of two, would pick Jonah up from the hospital and usher him to a local beer garden. There would be balloons, and a cake adorned with the phrase “There's no I in vasectomy.” As a kind, outgoing and extremely likable man with a penchant for high silliness, this was right up my husband's alley, and he was thrilled to be included. I was thrilled too, though in the bittersweet way I have come to associate with moments where the stark contrast between his intimacies and mine are revealed. I was thrilled because my husband had finally found some friends.
Because of my reproductive system, and because of my gender’s tendency to be socialized for connection, I have, by the age of 40, participated in countless vasectomy-party-like rituals. I’ve driven friends to their abortions, even paid for one. I have helped many a stranger deal with a period mishap or a nip slip. My sisters held my hips and cleaned up my shit (literal) at my two births. This is what women do.
But years into a relationship with a feminist man, when I issued the ultimatum that he go to therapy or else, I quickly came to understand that it was more than that. After all, it wasn't just therapy that made me someone who could talk about my feelings, who could turn a relational problem over and over until I cracked it and bring it back to him with an answer.
It was thousands, maybe millions of hours of deep friendship.
Once I viewed my husband as someone who just needed some good friends, I couldn’t unsee this as the source of a wide-range of marital issues between men and women. When something was amiss in our partnerships — an imbalance in parenting duties or an intolerable level of defensiveness in conflict — we passed over and over these issues, like river stones, with our friends. We got commiseration, acknowledgement, and love. We got advice. Then we took these insights back to our marriages like offerings.
But what did our husbands do, how did they try to better understand themselves, much less us? Where were their men’s groups and rituals and book clubs? Who was comparing couples counseling notes, giving Enneagram quizzes, summarizing self-help books, with them?
After that first vasectomy party, my husband and the rest of the dads joined a weekly ski-lodge-themed beer club for the winter months, and I happily waved my him off after bedtime on Mondays, almost giddy with compersion — joy from witnessing my partner’s joy.
Was it a bit condescending, to make playdates for grown men? It felt tender to me.
The dads took the train to Sacramento to see a basketball game and bunk up overnight in a hotel room. They helped each other with solo parenting jags, and took care of logistics for all-family get-togethers without having to be asked by their wives.
When I waxed on about this to my girlfriends, they asked if their husbands could join. We had all found ourselves tethered, often with great joy, to cis, hetero men in a culture that encouraged them to suppress, compete, and eventually find a wife on which to unload whatever emotional baggage they had the tools to unearth. Was it a bit condescending, to make playdates for grown men? It felt tender to me. These women, like me, were rooting for their dudes in a world where dudes were isolated, and where most of us had, condescension aside, already gotten in our 10,000 hours.
Eight thousand of which were probably earned in my women's group, where we talked for hours about our relationships and desires and dysfunctions, and which was already rich with connection and meaning-making when I was invited by a neighbor to join. And later my writer's group, which was also really a women's group. It was my sisters, whom I talk to about things that my husband does not talk about with his brother. It was the women at the coffeeshop I had never met before, but with whom I struck up conversations. It was the endless content I read from other women, examining ourselves and the people around us. Until this group, my husband had many friends, but I couldn’t really point to ways they rallied around him as a father or a husband.
But the Vasectomy Club seemed to shine a light on his best qualities: community, tenderness, a deep capacity for care. These aspects were always there but often only demanded of him by the women in his life. When I wondered if this phenomenon was unique, a guy friend explained that his friendship circles with men have a huge influence on his tendency to be the kind of emotionally in-touch man many wives pine for. “If I am in a place with a few strong examples around me, I’m pretty motivated to be a little more thoughtful, a little less selfish,” he observed. “The flip side is that I’ve found myself going with the flow in more competitive, more stereotypically guy-style environments.” In other words, men can influence one another to be shitty. But they can also influence one another to be better.
Finding such circles is another issue altogether, one that more men are interested in than you’d think. Another guy friend of mine, an exception to the rule who had a few seemingly open, expanding relationships with other men, told me that when he moved to a new city, his best strategy for making the guy friends he felt he needed was to go up to other dads on the playground and say, “Hi, are you in therapy?”
I don’t know what the dads talk about when they're alone, or if they’re all in therapy, but the groupthink for good that Garrett describes does seem to be at work with my husband. Since he made some friends, he seems happier, clearer, more like he’s giving me his second draft of himself than asking me to make sense of the first. When he got his own vasectomy this year, his friends rallied around him with a “Balls Voyage” cake and a toy gun that only shot blanks. I strolled by their little get-together to give my regards, and then I went along my way.
The folks behind CoComelon are churning out all the new things right now, and if you thought they were done after debuting their first learn and play app for kids, you thought wrong. On September 21, Moonbug Entertainment is launching a new, live-action spinoff called CoComelon Classroom, premiering on YouTube. Here’s everything we know about the new series — including whether the decor in the live-action show will be as delightfully unhinged as it is in the animated version.
In CoComelon Classroom, viewers will be taken into a live-action Melon Patch Academy and take lessons from none other than JJ’s teacher, Miss Appleberry. (No, her classroom isn’t as wildly decorated as it is in the original show.) The series will focus on singing fun songs and is designed to promote on “early English-language learning,” according to a press release from the production company. Ms. Appleberry will be played by played by 2021 National Teacher of the Year Julianna Urtubey.
When you watch the trailer, you’ll get a little bit of a CoComelon-meets-Miss Rachel vibe. The show centers on a similar interactive format that encourages young kids to use and practice new words, sing along to their favorite songs and nursery rhymes, and learn a little something about music while they’re at it. Ms. Appleberry will talk kids through how to identify their emotions, how weather happens, and more.
If you’ve watched much CoComelon at all, you’ll recognize Ms. Appleberry’s name. She’s JJ’s beloved teacher who was introduced in 2019 on his first day of school at Melon Patch Academy. She’s also featured in Netflix’s CoComelon Lane and the “CoComelon Live! JJ’s Journey” live show. But Ms. Appleberry will not be teaching all her lessons alone. There will be lots of appearances from special guest stars to help reveal surprises from inside the Melon Learning Box (you’ll see), including Emmy-award winning actress and singer Keke Palmer. You’ll definitely see some familiar faces from the CoComelon franchise, too.
The creators of CoComelon Classroom worked with learning specialist Dr. Natascha Crandall and literacy consultant Shelly Klein, along with Urtubey, to create a show rooted in how young children’s brains learn and develop. And yeah, in a world of kids zoning out to endless toy unboxing videos online, it’s nice to know when a new show is created by early childhood education experts to be just that: educational (and yes, entertaining as well).
So, if this sounds right up your kid’s alley, you can watch the first two new episodes of CoComelon Classroom on Saturday, September 21 on youtube.com/@cocomelonclassroom. A third episode will drop the following day on September 22, with new episodes being added weekly after that.
As a working mom raising two children under the age of three, Sarah was constantly taking care of other people’s needs. One day while she was rushing to her son’s side after hearing him crying, Sarah’s left leg went numb, which resulted in a fall that landed her in the emergency room. Concerned about the loss of feeling in her leg, along with other recent symptoms, such as forgetfulness, a nurse scheduled an MRI. The neurologist on call diagnosed Sarah with multiple sclerosis (MS), a chronic inflammatory disease that damages the central nervous system and disrupts the flow of information between the brain and body.¹ ² Later, after consulting with another neurologist, Sarah learned she had relapsing MS (RMS), the most common form of MS, which is characterized by periods of relapses or “attacks,” followed by remissions.² ³
Sarah’s diagnosis made her reevaluate her role as her family’s primary caretaker and instead lean on them for support, which is vital for anyone navigating life with RMS.
So, how do people living with RMS find and sustain their own support squad? We talked to four individuals, including Sarah, about the importance of surrounding yourself with loved ones, how to engage the people in your life who want to help, and how to seek out resources if you’re feeling alone.
Sarah: Find An Online Support Group
— Courtesy of Novartis
Sarah feels “incredibly lucky” to have had the full-fledged support of her family members over the past 12 years. “We all felt the impact when I was diagnosed with RMS,” she explains. “Fortunately, my entire family was always there for anything that I needed, even if they were a phone call away, and my mom made a point to come to every doctor’s appointment.”
Sarah is especially grateful for her family members, as she knows not everyone living with RMS has people they can rely on. For those who feel isolated due to their diagnosis, Sarah recommends seeking support online from others living with RMS.
“With online support, you can find people your age, close to where you live, and who are experiencing the same stage of RMS as you — whether you’ve just been diagnosed with RMS or have been living with it for years,” she explains. “Those people can also share insights in a different way than your well-meaning friends without a chronic condition can.”
Another way to spot a potential member of your support team? She suggests looking for people who are truly excited for you when you get good medical news.
According to Sarah, trust, empathy, and the ability to laugh and cry together are important qualities to consider when seeking a support squad.
Jamie-Lynn: Turn To Individuals You Trust
— Heather Moore/BDG
Jamie-Lynn was just 20 years old and working as an actor when she was diagnosed with RMS. She was on a hit show and felt healthy, making the diagnosis that much more unexpected.
Worried that going public with her diagnosis would impact her career, Jamie-Lynn decided to keep it a secret. In hindsight, she realizes the secrecy deprived her of the ability to have a greater support system, as well as the opportunity to spread awareness about RMS. Fortunately, Jamie-Lynn was able to confide in her family and a small group of girlfriends, all whom continue to be there for her. She recommends turning to individuals you trust, who encourage you to share your feelings, and most importantly, who see you for more than your diagnosis.
Jamie-Lynn says: “My girlfriends have been shoulders to cry on. They've been encouraging me to talk about the hard stuff and have welcomed those discussions with open arms. They've also been there to remind me that they don't see RMS when they look at me, and that my value as a person and who I am is still the same. I would be nothing without my ladies, my mom squad, all of them. They are the reason that I have the strength to sit here today, no doubt.”
Karina: Surround Yourself With Supportive People Who Encourage New Experiences
— Courtesy of Novartis
Since receiving her RMS diagnosis two years ago, Karina has been adamant about sharing her experience with those around her and on social media. Her goal is not only to spread awareness about RMS, which can be an “invisible illness,” (one that isn’t always apparent to an outside party) but also to help those living with the condition feel less alone.⁴ While Karina is fortunate to have the support of her friends, family, and most importantly, her husband, she recognizes that not everyone is as lucky to have such a strong support system. That’s why she began sharing her journey on social media.
As soon as she started posting about her life with RMS, she received tons of supportive messages.
“People reached out to share their stories [of RMS], some saying that I was their only support system because they felt misunderstood or invalidated,” Karina explains. “This made me realize how important it is to even have just one person that supports you.”
Karina also believes it’s important to have members of your support squad who encourage you to continue trying new things and having new experiences — like her kids, who inspire her to travel, and her husband, who shares her newfound love for music festivals. Finding an MS medication that would give Karina the time to enjoy the things she loves and explore new activities was also key.
KESIMPTA®, also known as ofatumumab, is a once-a-month* treatment for RMS that Karina can take herself at home or on the go with a pre-filled auto-injector pen. When ready, treatment time typically takes less than a minute a month (after completing the three weekly starter doses.)⁵ She values the flexibility of KESIMPTA, which fits well into her current lifestyle.
Kamryn: Connect With Others Living With RMS
— Courtesy of Novartis
Kamryn, a mother of three living in Georgia, was diagnosed with RMS last year and recognizes that having a strong support squad in place is essential. While Kamryn’s family has been a dominating force in supporting her since her initial diagnosis, she’s also found it incredibly helpful to connect with others living with RMS.
“There’s so much value in being able to connect with people who can truly understand what you are going through — not just being compassionate and empathetic but really understanding,” she explains. Knowing that others have experienced what you are going through can also help you discover new potential treatment options. Kamryn, who also takes KESIMPTA, likes the way it fits into her schedule and its proven results**. “I don’t have to go anywhere, it’s delivered to me, and I just self-administer at home in the privacy of my bathroom,” she says.⁵
“For me, in the beginning, I was shocked and a little afraid,” Kamryn says. “I didn't know much about RMS. Between my MS specialist, people I met who live with RMS, and my family that works in the medical field, it really helped ease my mind. It put me more in a place of understanding and being proactive versus feeling fear and being reactive.”
Large or small, a support squad is essential to help you navigate an RMS diagnosis. KESIMPTA helps patients’ support squads grow by providing an Alongside™ coordinator to guide them through every step of their treatment journey. When Kamryn started her treatment with KESIMPTA, she initially hesitated about choosing an injectable medication, but with the help of her Alongside patient coordinator and the other resources she received, she found that KESIMPTA was the right treatment for her. Learn more at KESIMPTA.com.
*Once monthly after 3 weekly starter doses. Typical administration time when ready to inject.
**In two studies vs. teriflunomide
Important Safety Information
Who should not take KESIMPTA?
Do NOT take KESIMPTA if you:
- have an active hepatitis B virus (HBV) infection.
- have had an allergic reaction to ofatumumab or life-threatening injection-related reaction to KESIMPTA.
What is the most important information I should know about KESIMPTA?
KESIMPTA can cause serious side effects such as:
- Infections. Serious infections, which can be life-threatening or cause death, can happen during treatment with KESIMPTA. If you have an active infection, your health care provider (HCP) should delay your treatment with KESIMPTA until your infection is gone. KESIMPTA taken before or after other medicines that weaken the immune system may increase your risk of getting infections. Tell your HCP right away if you have any infections or get any symptoms including painful and frequent urination, nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat, fever, chills, cough, or body aches.
- HBV reactivation. If you have ever had HBV infection, it may become active again during or after treatment with KESIMPTA (reactivation). If this happens, it may cause serious liver problems including liver failure or death. Before starting KESIMPTA, your HCP will do a blood test to check for HBV. They will also continue to monitor you during and after treatment with KESIMPTA for HBV. Tell your HCP right away if you get worsening tiredness or yellowing of your skin or the white part of your eyes.
- Progressive Multifocal Leukoencephalopathy (PML). PML may happen with KESIMPTA. PML is a rare, serious brain infection caused by a virus that may get worse over days or weeks. PML can result in death or severe disability. Tell your HCP right away if you have any new or worsening neurologic signs or symptoms. These may include weakness on one side of your body, loss of coordination in arms and legs, vision problems, changes in thinking and memory, which may lead to confusion and personality changes.
- Weakened immune system. KESIMPTA taken before or after other medicines that weaken the immune system could increase your risk of getting infections.
Before you take KESIMPTA, tell your HCP about all your medical conditions, including if you:
- Have or think you have an infection including HBV or PML.
- Have ever taken, currently take, or plan to take medicines that affect your immune system. These medicines could increase your risk of getting an infection.
- Have had a recent vaccination or are scheduled to receive any vaccinations.
You should receive any required ‘live’ or ‘live-attenuated’ vaccines at least 4 weeks before you start treatment with KESIMPTA. You should not receive ‘live’ or ‘live-attenuated’ vaccines while you are being treated with KESIMPTA and until your HCP tells you that your immune system is no longer weakened.
Whenever possible, you should receive any ‘non-live’ vaccines at least 2 weeks before you start treatment with KESIMPTA.
Talk to your HCP about vaccinations for your baby if you used KESIMPTA during your pregnancy.
- Are pregnant, think that you might be pregnant, or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if KESIMPTA will harm your unborn baby. Females who can become pregnant should use birth control (contraception) during treatment with KESIMPTA and for 6 months after your last treatment. Talk with your HCP about what birth control method is right for you during this time.
- Are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known if KESIMPTA passes into your breast milk. Talk to your HCP about the best way to feed your baby if you take KESIMPTA.
Tell your HCP about all the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements.
How should I use KESIMPTA?
See the detailed Instructions for Use that comes with KESIMPTA for information about how to prepare and inject a dose of KESIMPTA and how to properly throw away (dispose of) used KESIMPTA Sensoready pens or prefilled syringes.
- Use KESIMPTA exactly as your HCP tells you to use it.
- Your HCP will show you how to prepare and inject KESIMPTA the right way before you use it for the first time.
- Do not inject into areas where the skin is tender, bruised, red, scaly or hard. Avoid areas with moles, scars, or stretch marks.
KESIMPTA may cause serious side effects including:
- Injection-related reactions. Injection-related reactions are a common side effect of KESIMPTA. Injecting KESIMPTA can cause injection-related reactions that can happen within 24 hours (1 day) following the first injections and with later injections. There are two kinds of reactions:
at or near the injection site: redness of the skin, swelling, itching, and pain. Talk to your HCP if you have any of these signs and symptoms.
that may happen when certain substances are released in your body: fever, headache, pain in the muscles, chills, tiredness, rash, hives, trouble breathing, swelling of the face, eyelids, lips, mouth, tongue and throat, and feeling faint, or chest tightness. Contact your HCP right away if you experience any of these signs and symptoms, especially if they become worse or you have new severe signs of reactions after subsequent injections. It could be a sign of an allergic reaction, which can be serious.
- Low immunoglobulins. KESIMPTA may cause a decrease in some types of antibodies. Your HCP will do blood tests to check your blood immunoglobulin levels.
The most common side effects of KESIMPTA include:
- Upper respiratory tract infection, with symptoms such as sore throat and runny nose, and headache.
- Headache.
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
KESIMPTA is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with relapsing forms of multiple sclerosis (MS) including clinically isolated syndrome (CIS), relapsing-remitting disease, and active secondary progressive disease.
It is not known if KESIMPTA is safe or effective in children.
References
Trip, SA, Miller DH. Imaging in multiple sclerosis. J Neurol Neurosurg Psychiatry. 2005 Sep;76 Suppl3(Suppl3):iii11-iii18.
Hunter SF. Overview and Diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. Am J Managed Care. 2016;22:S141-S150
Multiple Sclerosis International Federation. Atlas of MS 3rd Edition. Part 1: Mapping multiple sclerosis around the world. Accessed July 28, 2023.
AMA J Ethics. 2021;23(7):E512-513.
Kesimpta Prescribing Information. East Hanover, NJ: Novartis Pharmaceuticals Corp; April 2024.
Having questions about your pregnancy is normal. Whether you’re a first-time parent or carrying your third baby, it’s natural to feel anxious and full of anticipation about so many unknowns ahead — “Will baby look like me or my partner? Is sleep only a suggestion at this point on? How will the new baby fit into our family?” Though some of your questions will be hard to forecast, the good news is that there are proactive steps you can take to prepare yourself for what’s coming. Whether you’re curious about the sex of your unborn baby or want to understand their risk for a genetic disease, genetic screening may be the perfect solution to get ahead of the game.
Enter Myriad Genetics. They offer straightforward, non-invasive prenatal screens to learn a variety of insights about your baby, including the predicted sex and the risk of chromosomal and gene mutations that may cause physical and cognitive disabilities.
“Is Genetic Screening Right for Me?”
Genes are the building blocks of the body and are unique to you, your partner, and your future children. Just like an ultrasound will reveal important information about your baby’s health, genetic screening reveals important insights that can’t be seen from the outside before and during pregnancy – like an ultrasound of your DNA.
In other words, genetic screening is helpful for any expecting parents because genetic screening gives you unique results about your family. Several different types of screens are offered before and during pregnancy. These include:
Carrier screens - Determines baby’s risk of having specific inherited conditions passed down from the parents
Cell-free DNA screens - Determines baby’s risk of having specific chromosome conditions
If you’re still debating whether to get a prenatal screening done, it’s still a good idea to empower yourself with the knowledge of your options. Early insights into your baby’s development can help you plan with confidence, as well as ease some of those intrusive thoughts that undoubtedly shake first, second, third, and even fourth-time parents. These insights can also help parents prepare, both financially and emotionally, for the months and years ahead.
And, even if you’re unaware of inherited genetic conditions, any baby can have a chromosome change or genetic condition. Many of us are carriers of a hereditary condition and don’t know it.
9 in 10 pregnant women decided they did want a prenatal screening once they’ve been educated on how it works.¹
Ahead are some more benefits of genetic screenings and how they work.
Get Early Insights About Your Baby’s Health
Myriad Genetics’ Prequel Prenatal Screen provides insight into your baby’s development as early as week 10 of pregnancy, and can identify whether your baby may have an increased risk for a chromosomal condition like Down, Edwards, or Patau syndrome. The Prequel Prenatal Screen can also screen for the expected sex of your baby, delivering 99.9% accurate results to all patients, regardless of body mass index (BMI).² That’s the lowest failure rate in the industry of just 0.1%.²
Getting A Screening Is More Convenient Than You Might Think
Myriad is a great option for new and repeat parents because all blood tests can be performed as part of an expectant parent’s scheduled OB-GYN visit. So, if you’re tired of the many doctor’s appointments and follow up tests, you don’t have to make a special trip to the doctor or find a new provider to administer this screening. After speaking with your doctor and ordering a test, you’ll have a blood sample drawn from your arm during an appointment, which will be analyzed at a Myriad lab. Within 7-10 days, you’ll have results personalized to you based on your age, and how far you are in your pregnancy.
The Test Results Are Easy To Understand
Many parents find prenatal screening reassuring. Most of the time, parents receive low-risk results, but if the screen shows a possible risk, it provides you with the time to look into additional testing, connect with specialists, and address your baby’s needs from the start.
To help you understand your results, Myriad connects you with a board-certified genetic counselor that can help you interpret your test results and provide educational information and guidance on next steps. These can include speaking with a specialist, seeking out a specialized facility for delivery, undergoing further diagnostic testing and getting access to a support group.
The Tests Are Affordable
The great thing that Myriad Genetics keeps in mind is providing access for patients. Myriad tests are reliable and affordable through extensive coverage with most insurance plans and financial assistance programs.
Get Screened For Inherited ConditionsBeforeYou Get Pregnant
If you’re just now starting to think about having kids or getting pregnant, Myriad’s Foresight Carrier Screen can help identify couples who are at risk of passing serious inherited conditions down to their children, like cystic fibrosis. Foresight offers the highest published at-risk couple detection rate of 1 in 22 couples for being at risk for pregnancies with serious, prevalent, or clinically-actionable inherited conditions.³ The test screens for diseases that matter most to parents, with a carefully selected panel of 272 genes prioritized for clinical significance, and their detection rate for the vast majority of genes on their panel is over 99% across ethnicities.⁴
Whether your pregnancy is planned or unplanned, it’s important to understand your baby’s health, and how it may impact you once it's born. Empower yourself and your future baby with genetic screening.
To learn more about how genetic screening can help you learn more about the health of your baby and pregnancy as you grow your family by visiting prenatalscreening.com.
References
2023 Myriad Genetics Health Survey
Hancock S, Ben-Shachar R, Adusei C, et al. Clinical experience across the fetal-fraction spectrum of a non-invasive prenatal screening approach with low test-failure rate. Ultrasound Obstet Gynecol. 2020;56(3):422-430. doi:10.1002/uog.21904
Hogan GJ, Vysotskaia VS, Beauchamp KA, et al. Validation of an Expanded Carrier Screen that Optimizes Sensitivity via Full-Exon Sequencing and Panel-wide Copy Number Variant Identification. Clin Chem. 2018;64(7):1063-1073. doi:10.1373/clinchem.2018.286823
