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Thursday, January 4, 2024

Keke Palmer On Her Son Leo Tasting New Foods & Family Dinners As A Kid

— Courtesy of Hello Fresh

The past year has been a particularly eventful one for Keke Palmer, actress, singer, and self-proclaimed “Millennial diva” (we agree). Palmer welcomed her first child, Leodis “Leo” Andrellton Jackson, in February 2023 (“Born during Black History Month, with a name to match,” she quipped at the time) and hasn’t stopped moving since. Movie and television roles, her first studio album since 2007 (Big Boss), various hosting gigs and partnerships and, of course, never forget, she is , of course a motha.

And while most of us don’t launch a truly inspired new line of (maternal) merch in our baby’s first year, Palmer is also going through the same exciting milestones as any new parent, including moving her breastfed baby boy to solids.

“I’ll be honest, though,” says Palmer. “Once he started being able to taste some food off of my plate, it became a problem for that baby food. So I’m in a scenario where I’m having to put a lot of my food in the food processor and just give it to him that way because he wants the flavor, honey!”

Palmer, who has partnered with HelloFresh, recently sat down with Romper to talk about all things food and feeding via Zoom, including her culinary ambitions down the road and throwing the most Virgo dinner party ever.

When you think about when you grew up and the food culture in your family, were you a sit down at the dinner table kind of family where you just, everybody grabs what they can? What did that look like for you?

So my dad went through phases. He grew up like The Andy Griffith Show, The Brady Bunch, so there would be periods of our life where my dad was like, “Y’all need to sit at the table. We need to eat as a family.” But then as time went on, he became a little bit looser and he knows we want to watch our TV while we eat our food. So we’d be able to go to our rooms and and it would be more of a make your plate and go to your room and you can enjoy TV. But every now and then we would do the sitting at the table, and then it would be kind of like a mix-up.

Are there any particular foods you associate with your childhood?

Mashed potatoes, pork chops, spaghetti, fish. In the Midwest, you’re going to get a mixture of soul food and Midwestern type dishes. You know what I mean? So it’s like spaghetti and catfish. Random because why is spaghetti a side dish? You’ll get mashed potatoes or a baked potato and a pork chop, or you’ll get sweet potatoes and mac and cheese and a salisbury steak. So it’s like a little mixture of all that kind of stuff.

Do you like to cook? I mean, in the three minutes a day that you have time?

I’ll be honest, I like to cook, but I don’t cook often. I would love to do more of it. And I really would also love to go to cooking school. I really do feel like that is just calling my name. And I’ve wanted to go for a really long time: I’ve wanted to go to culinary school. So I see that in my future at some point because I do want to be that person that can do that.

That’s what I love about HelloFresh: it gives me the opportunity to live that out. You know what I mean? Even though the instructions are all there and they’re telling me what to do, it’s still fun to get opportunity to just live that out and not have to do all the extra heavy lifting.

Can you talk about your partnership with HelloFresh? How did that come about?

It came about organically. I’ve used HelloFresh, and so when the partnership came along I was excited. And I was excited because this time when you sign up for HelloFresh, you get free breakfast for life, which is amazing! I don’t know anybody that doesn’t like free breakfast!

— Courtesy of Hello Fresh

And then obviously with my schedule, it’s just difficult to keep up with... You want to be the person that’s at home and making your meals for the whole week, but I just don’t have that kind of time. And with HelloFresh, it just comes to you on your doorstep. You don’t have to think about it.

Keke, looking at your schedule just on Instagram, I don’t know how you have time to sleep, much less cook. Especially with a little one.

Exactly. It’s all over the place. I think I’m used to it for the most part, but it is definitely insane.

Do you have a dish that you particularly enjoy making when you have the opportunity?

I think I’ve attempted a couple of times to do the mac and cheese. This Thanksgiving, I didn’t do it, but in the past I’ve done a little mac and cheese and a little sweet potatoes, and I think it’s done pretty well.

That’s a tough one: it’s a big deal dish for a holiday!

I was swinging high.

We expect nothing less. So what does a typical weeknight dinner look like for you right now?

If I’m feeling up to it, then maybe I’ll go out with a friend to try and give myself a little bit of a break and have some fun like that. Maybe I’ll have some HelloFresh delivered and I’ll make one of those meals and just keep it simple like that. And then every now and then, if I’m feeling like I’ve gone heavy throughout the week, I’ll kind of maybe try to do a little cleanse, or maybe do more of a liquid kind of thing: juicing in a day and maybe a protein shake or something at night. So there’s a variety of things. It depends on where I am and how I’m feeling.

Are there any foods you're really looking forward to introducing to Leo?

Some stuff I won’t be able to see his reaction until he’s much older. What’s he going to do when he first eats sushi or some of the more interesting kind of things? Outside of that, it’d be really cool to see him eat his first burger. I already had him lick a lemon. It was really cute to see his expression when he had a lemon for the first time. But it’s so funny because it was sour to him, but he actually really enjoyed it. He kept coming back to it. So he seems to like a little sour, tart taste. I put a little frosting on my finger and had him lick it, and he was kind of jolted. I was like, “Oh, wow. The sugar got to him already.” I will be excited to see him smash his cake up on his first birthday.

What is a snack or condiment that you always have in your house?

I’ve always got cereal because my niece and nephews live with me. So I’ve always got cereal and I’ve always got ketchup because I am a ketchup fiend. And I’ve learned and realized that people really hate on the ketchup these days. But I’m a ketchup person.

What is an ideal dinner for you? It doesn’t have to be your favorite meal, but when you think of a really lovely dinner you’ve had, what are you eating? Who are you with? What’s the vibe?

I don’t know if there’s a person in particular that I’m with, but I’m in good company. I’ll put it like that. I’m in good company, the conversation is good. I feel safe and relaxed, and I’m able to really explore the dinner, really take my time from appetizer to main course to dessert. Nothing is too heavy about the meal. Sometimes you might get an appetizer and then you’re too full for your main dish, or you’ll eat your appetizer, your main dish, and you don’t want dessert. So I feel like everything being exactly what it’s supposed to be.

— Frazer Harrison/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

I imagine something with rich flavors, but not too heavy. Something maybe lemony and a little bit of cream. Maybe there’s rice or there’s some salmon. I always feel like the appetizer is the most cheating part. Maybe it’s like some grilled squid or it’s maybe some calamari or even a little dip or something like that. And the dessert is something that’s very shareable, something that’s sweet but not so sweet that it’s too much. Something like a creme brûlée.

You’re painting such a picture! Not to get woo-woo on you, but I know you’re a Virgo and that’s the most Virgo answer, I’ve ever heard to this question.

I actually agree with you in totality because when you said I was painting the picture for you, I was like, “...and it doesn't get any more Virgo than that.”


Adam Driver Shares Rare Update About His Children & Fatherhood

— JC Olivera/FilmMagic/Getty Images

Adam Driver once said protecting his son’s privacy was like a “military operation.” And based on how little the public knows about his two children, it’s clearly an operation he takes seriously. The Ferrari actor and his wife Joanne Tucker have quietly welcomed a son and a daughter together, and only on a rare occasion will the 40-year-old actor share a detail or two about his life as a father. But just recently, Driver opened up about his children and how his son is, just like his dad, “very protective” of his baby sister.

Driver appeared on the Jan. 1 episode of the SmartLess podcast, hosted by actors Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett, and briefly opened up about fatherhood. When Bateman asked him how he’s “liking dad stuff,” Driver said, “I love it, I love it.”

“[My son] is very protective over [his 8-month-old baby sister],” Driver said. “I feel like we gave him six years of attention and he’s totally fine.”

Bateman then chimed in that he missed those moments of changing diapers and swaddling, but Driver said he remembers the baby years a bit differently, “This time I’m like, ‘We forgot how much babies suck.’ You know, they don’t tell you anything. [They get] runny noses that destroy the next three days. Sleep regression and there’s teething,” he said.

Driver went on to say that he has to remind himself that these years go by very quickly. “I’m more aware this time that this is finite, I have to remember this because it’s going to go away quickly,” he added. “The first time, I wasn’t. I was so anxious for him to get older.”

Driver and Tucker welcomed their first child in 2016, who they kept secret from the public for two years. In December 2023, Driver confirmed the birth of their daughter during an appearance on Live with Kelly and Mark. “She’s 8 months [old]. I have an older son who’s 6 ... and you kind of forget how much babies kinda suck,” he said with a laugh, adding that he’s not getting much sleep these days. The couple has not publicly shared either of their names.

As a dad of two now, Driver also said on the SmartLess podcast that he’s come to realize just how resilient babies are. “They’re durable,” he told the hosts. “The first one, you don’t realize how durable they are. The second one, you’re like, ‘She’s fine, she’s okay.’” Like they say, parenting doesn’t come with a manual.


Wednesday, January 3, 2024

Andy Cohen’s Son Ben Was An Adorable Hype Man For His Dad On A Plane

— VALERIE MACON/AFP/Getty Images

Andy Cohen’s 4-year-old son Ben is fast becoming one of our favorite people on the internet. Not only is he full of personality and already surprisingly self-aware for such a little person, he’s also not afraid to shout other people out. In particular, his dad. Ben Cohen recently acted as the world’s cutest hype man for his dad on a plane, and we truly can’t get over it.

The Bravo star recently took to Instagram threads to share a moment on a plane with his son Ben. “On a plane with the kids, Ben just announced ‘Everybody meet my dad Andy Cohen,’” Cohen, who is also dad to 2-year-old daughter Lucy, wrote.

So let’s unpack this moment, shall we? Generally speaking, small children do not refer to their parents by their first and last names, which tells us that Ben is somewhat aware of his dad’s fame and really wanted to let everyone know they had arrived and people should perhaps pay homage to the Watch What Happens Live! host.

Certainly Cohen’s followers appreciated Ben’s efforts to hype up his dad. “He’s proud of his dad,” wrote one follower, while another added, “Cute! What a hype man.”

Cohen is a big fan of hyping his son as well, so it’s a real mutual appreciation society over at their house. Although he’s also a fan of documenting some of Ben’s more idiosyncratic moments for his adoring public. Like Ben’s penchant for getting up before anyone else in the house to eat things like chips or Reese’s peanut butter cups or, in a real festive moment, an entire gingerbread house. A decision he was gloriously unrepentant about and explained to his dad that he “just can’t stop” doing it. In fact, Ben’s early morning gingerbread house snacking was actually the first documented case of him hyping up his dad, because he told Cohen that it was “so delicious, just like daddy.”

As a single dad of two, it’s actually quite sweet that Andy Cohen’s son is making such an effort to hype him up and praise him. Because it’s a whole lot of work to raise two kids on your own, and it’s not the worst thing in the world to be reminded that you are a big deal to these two little people. And everyone else on the plane around them.


Tuesday, January 2, 2024

Melanie Lynskey Got A Tattoo Of Her Daughter's Drawing & It's Adorable

— Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Melanie Lynskey has a new tattoo that reminds her of the “true joy” in her life every time she looks at it. The tattoo was based on a drawing her 5-year-old daughter did of a cat, and honestly it is just about the best idea for moms who want a meaningful tattoo we’ve heard of in forever.

The Yellowjackets star took to Instagram on Monday to share a message to ring in 2024 alongside a photo of her new tattoo and the artwork it was inspired by — a very cute little drawing of a cat’s face, whiskers, and a happy cat smile and all, drawn by her 5-year-old daughter.

“I’m so happy to be bringing this adorable tattoo into 2024 with me,” Lynskey wrote in the caption, explaining that she had the tattoo done for her while she was in New Zealand. “It’s a meticulous recreation of a drawing my 5 year old daughter did, and it reminds me even in the most challenging moments that there is true joy in my life and fills me with deep gratitude. I wish so much joy for all of you this year! And my big wish is that the world remembers about empathy.”

The memorable tattoo Lynskey, who shares her daughter with husband Jason Ritter, shared on Instagram had other people sharing the way they used their tattoos to honor the kids in their lives. “I have my nieces handwriting on me from a note she wrote when she was 5, makes me happy every time I see it!!” wrote one of Lynskey’s followers. “I did the same thing with my little girls drawing on my leg! Stick people,stick flowers and a stick sun! I’ll love it forever,” wrote another.

Lynskey’s daughter is clearly a big fan of cats, so the tattoo will probably mean a lot to her as well. The Last of Us star recently shared a cake that her sister made for her daughter that read “Merry Catmas” that was free of allergens and baked, of course, in the shape of a cat’s head. Complete with whiskers and a little cat smile just like her daughter’s drawing and now, her tattoo.

It’s almost as though her daughter’s love of felines has inspired a cat-themed cottage industry of allergen-free cakes and tattoos, and we love to see it.


Viral Reddit Post About Dad Demanding Paternity Test Is Infuriating

— Cavan Images / Rachel Greiman/Cavan/Getty Images

A new father was less than excited when his baby was born recently. According to his wife, after she gave birth to a baby with blonde hair and blue eyes, her husband was absolutely certain the baby could not be his child. So certain, in fact, that he left the house and refused to come back until a paternity test had been completed, leaving her alone, postpartum with a brand new baby. And as hard as it is to believe, things got even weirder from there.

The mom in question took to the sub-Reddit “Am I The A**hole” forum after her husband of two years had an over-the-top reaction to the birth of their daughter. “What happened was that our daughter came out with blonde hair and pale blue eyes, while my husband and I have brown hair and brown eyes,” she wrote. The new mom, who had literally just given birth let’s not forget, tried to explain that babies are sometimes born with light hair and eyes that get darker over time, her husband “freaked out at this and refused to listen.” Instead, he “demanded a paternity test and threatened to divorce me if I didn’t comply, so I did.”

While waiting for the results of the paternity test, he went to stay with his parents for the first three weeks of his daughter’s life, and his mother had no problem deeply involving herself. “My MIL called and informed me that if the paternity test revealed that the child wasn’t his, she would do anything within her power to make sure that I was ‘taken to the cleaners’ during the divorce,” the mom shared on Reddit. All of this while she was at home, thankfully with the support of her sister, raising her newborn baby.

When the paternity test confirmed that he was, indeed, the father, he had a rather surprising reaction. “[The results] showed that he was the father and my husband had this shocked, kinda mortified look on his face with his eyes wide as he stared at it,” she shared. “I couldn’t help but say, ‘I told you so.’ and started laughing at the way he looked.”

Instead of being embarrassed by his own behavior, this husband instead had the gall to be angry at his wife for laughing and yelled at her. “After that, my husband went back to his parents’ house to ‘clear his head,’ and two-three hours later, my MIL called to scold me about laughing in my husband’s face, because apparently it was kicking him while he was down.”

A you might imagine, people had a whole lot of thoughts about this situation and nearly everyone agreed that this new mom was “NTA” (not the a**hole).

“The fact he didn’t grovel and apologize profusely but instead yelled at her because he’s a moron is just too much,” wrote one Redditor.

“Not only doesn’t he have a basic grasp of genetics, he threw a tantrum and left you immediately after the having the baby to struggle alone for almost a month,” one person commented. “He’s lucky all you did was laugh in his face.”

Another pointed out, “He abandoned you postpartum and forced you to take care of a newborn by yourself while healing. My husband and I also have a baby that looks nothing like either of us. She came out with strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes while we both have brown hair and brown eyes. We both just said wow genetics are crazy and moved on.”

It is true that doing a simple Google search would have told this new dad that it is not terribly uncommon for parents with brown eyes to welcome a blue-eyed baby. Even the new mom noted in response to a question from a Reddit user about why she is staying with someone who is “that clueless about genetics,” that she “did not realize he would refuse to listen to basic facts about biology when I married him.”

One more asked, “You’re divorcing his fool ass and taking him to the cleaners, yes?”

Hopefully this new mom will get some kind of an apology or explanation as to why her husband (and his mother) felt it was okay to treat her so poorly at such a vulnerable time. Because, as most folks on Reddit said, yikes.


Blake Lively Pumped Breast Milk At Disneyland & Moms Loved It

— Gotham/GC Images/Getty Images

Blake Lively has a big, impressive life as a celebrity and mom of four, so you might expect that her 2023 highlights would be full of glamorous events. Walking the red carpet with her husband Ryan Reynolds, maybe, or hanging out with her best friend Taylor Swift. Nope. One of her big highlights of the year was pumping breast milk at Disneyland. To be fair, it was in Paris so that gives her breast pumping some extra fancy points for location.

The Shallows star, who is mom to 9-year-old daughter James, 7-year-old daughter Inez, 4-year-old daughter Betty, and a baby born in February 2023, took to Instagram to share some of her favorite moments of 2023 recently. The big one for her? Heading off to Disneyland Paris and meeting Remy from the 2007 Disney classic Ratatouille, and oh yes, pumping at Disneyland. She even shared a photo of herself toting her breast pump along on her hip to the aforementioned meeting with Remy, who looked like he was getting a kick out of her breast pump in a photo she shared. Although perhaps he was just gasping with joy because Blake Lively is out there normalizing pumping in public for us all.

Remy wasn’t the only one applauding Lively with his talented rat hands for publicly toting her breast pump, her fans were excited to see it too. “Love seeing pumping normalized! get it mama! Happy new year!” wrote one follower.

“Thank you for pumping in public and helping to make a positive change for the next generation of pumping moms out there! I’m hoping that by the time my daughters become moms they’ll live in a society where moms feel comfortable and empowered to take care of their babies wherever they are. The more people see women breastfeeding in public, the more normal it becomes, so thank you for being a part of that,” another commented.

One more shared, “If you haven’t pumped while waiting in line at Disneyland what are you even doing?! Mine was an hour wait at Indiana Jones. Pumped 11oz.” This person makes a good point. The lines are generally pretty long so might as well get in some pumping while you’re there.

Whether or not Lively brought her older three children with her to Disneyland Paris is anyone’s guess, as she and Reynolds are famously cautious about sharing photos of their children. We sort of hope she took a day to enjoy the park herself, especially now that she’s a mom of four and feeling “tired” with all of that added work. She was there with her own mother and Reynolds’ mom as well, which could have made for a fun girls’ trip. Or it could have meant she had a whole lot of help on hand.

Regardless of how she visited, at least she got in some pumping. Presumably while standing in line for It’s A Small World. We love to see it.


6 Women On The Moment They Knew They Needed To End A Friendship

— Rafa Fernandez Torres/Moment/Getty Images

Breakups can be tough. After months, years, or even decades of weaving your life together with another person, separation can be painful. That’s true of romantic partners, and it’s often just as true of friends. In some cases, it can feel like starting an entire social life over. In others, it can complicate ongoing friendships when third parties remain connected to you and “your ex.”

Nobody enjoys a breakup, even if it is ultimately for the best. And “friendship divorces” are rarely done lightly. So why, when they make things so hurtful and complicated, do some people choose it anyway? We spoke to six women on the moment they knew they needed to end a friendship. Their replies were vulnerable, honest, and (many said) still painful to share, but therapeutic. And in the end, even if some of these breakups were more Real-Housewives-level dramatic than amicable, they found that ending these friendships was better for their mental and emotional health.

Megan, 40

Megan had found her people: friends who got her through every major life event with encouragement and love. But when Megan and her partner opted for a transracial adoption, the limits of their support — and their unwillingness to engage in confronting their privilege — became apparent.

When I graduated college and got my first apartment, I got really plugged in with a group of young adults at a local church. All childless and either married or engaged at the time we connected, we “did life together” for many years, through weddings, job losses, first homes, and new babies. When several of us found ourselves with infants around the same time, that became my lifeline and my core friend group. Overall, this friend group — and in particular four other moms — were central to my life for a decade.

We chose to build our family by adoption, and these friends walked with us through that journey. When our first child was placed with us, a baby boy, they helped throw me a shower. I carted our son around to various play dates and coffee mornings for several years with these moms, and considered them my closest friends. Our son was white like us, and we were not immediately identifiable as an adoptive family. I just felt like “one of the crew.” When we chose to grow our family for a second time, a few years later, we adopted a sibling group that was Black.

Just a few short months after our family grew, teen Michael Brown was killed by a white police officer, and race became the center of many conversations across America. I spoke up on behalf of my children, I cried to my friends with fear and worry for my Black son. Rather than offer the comfort and support they had for years, many of those friends shut down, pulled away, and became cold and distant. I was “too angry.” These topics were uncomfortable. I had to temper my feelings if I wanted to continue to bop around with my mommy group, and I knew that I couldn't do that. To do so would have been my own white privilege, but as a mom to Black kids, I knew I needed to walk away and find a support network that understood.

I walked away. We switched churches, moved to a more diverse neighborhood (where some “dear friends” wouldn’t visit because they saw it as too “urban”), and I began to make friends with moms in our new town. They understood my fears. They gave me advice, we held each other while we cried with worry for our Black kids, and the state of America in general. Since then, there is one mom from that group who has kept in close touch, and has sought out to learn more and be a continued support to me. The others seemed relieved to not have to deal with it. They sometimes like a photo on Instagram, but even that is rare anymore. It was one of the hardest and scariest things I've done, but my kids will literally always come first.

Alexandra, 59

Alexandra and two other women were friends for more than a decade after having met at work. But when they began to get more vocal about their politics (that didn’t align with her own views), Alexandra couldn’t see how their bond could continue as usual.

I had to break up with two friends when Trump appeared. I knew they were Conservatives, they knew I was a Liberal, but it seemed like Trump gave them liberty to lose their filter and overnight their vocabulary changed. I couldn’t believe it, but I heard them say things I never saw in them. Was I blind? I don’t think so, but Trump loosened their charade or whatever it was they were putting out into the world before him. To hear them use words like “illegals” and “scammers” literally made me gasp. They never spoke that way before. I told them they were using offensive language and they told me the United States needed Trump. Done. Just done. I was friends with both women over 10 years. I am still disappointed and this is a small town of 10,000. I hope I never run into them.

Elisabeth, 33

Sometimes people grow apart — even after a lifetime together — and it can be hard to recognize when it’s time to let go. In those instances, Elisabeth found, our worst instincts can take over and cause us to do things we regret.

I just went through a massive friend break up. It was heartbreaking. I was at fault: basically I got caught gossiping and accidentally spreading private info that turned into a rumor. I didn’t realize it would be as hurtful as it was. This isn’t an excuse. I was wrong and took accountability and apologized, but I decided ultimately to end the lifelong friendships.

There are times when I feel so conflicted. Did I do the right thing? I feel real grief for those friendships. But when I was looking at why I behaved in a way that felt so antithetical to who I am as a person, I started to notice patterns where I felt really left out and excluded and like an outsider among those friends for so long. And so I think gossiping was a way to assert myself into the group and at the same time subconsciously blow up friendships that I knew in my heart weren’t working.

It was the worst way to leave a friendship. I wish I had been braver and spoken up earlier and not let it get to the point where I felt I needed to hurt someone to exit the friendship. It was a really not nice way to behave but it was a wake up call that I need to be in friendships where I feel safe and seen and cared for and those people deserve the same, and I clearly couldn’t be that person for them. So letting those friends go was ultimately the right thing to do ... I just wasn’t my best self in those friendships.

Stephanie, 44

We were all desperate for connection and camaraderie during the pandemic. But, as Stephanie discovered, the kind of closeness that develops in stressful, scary circumstances can easily go awry.

I knew I had to break up with a friend when she talked trash on my husband and kids. She is a neighbor, and we became close just before the pandemic and then bubbled up and spent too much time together through it. She was unhappy in her marriage and we would vent to each other, but when she started saying things about my family — forget it. We ended things a little over two years ago. It's a bit awkward since I see her around— it didn't end well — but the second I got out of it, I realized how toxic the entire relationship had been and I felt so much freer. The people I spend my time with now are positive and lift me up. I am so much happier.

“Mary,” 35

It can he hard to find true friends at the office, and when Mary found two at once she thought she hit the co-worker jackpot... that is until one began to grow jealous of her bond with the other.

I met my current best friend, “Dara” and “Jeanette” at the same time. They were colleagues and established friends who joined my firm from another firm at the exact same time. For a while we all had a lot of fun, both at work and in our personal lives. But over time, it became clear that not only did I not have a ton in common with “Jeanette” but she was pretty insecure and could be toxic. I think she was scared of “Dara” and I becoming closer and leaving her behind, so she would make up drama and try to play us off one another. It didn’t work, because it was so obviously that she was trying to drive a wedge between us and, sadly, it made her fears come true. Still, I remained friendly with her until she started spreading rumors about me at work. NOPE! I remained professional with her but stopped socializing with her completely. Luckily for me she left a few months later (let’s just say she didn’t reserve her toxicity for just me and clients and management took notice) so I didn’t have to deal with her every day.

“Philippa,” 40

Phillippa’s decision to leave a friendship occurred as an epiphany in the strangest of places: an ATM in Cuba, thousands of miles from home. But it’s now evident to her that tensions had been building well before that fateful moment.

We had been friends for six or seven years, and we were traveling together to Cuba, one of the most unconnected and inconvenient countries in the world. My friend had always been tight with money and it used to drive us all bonkers, but on the trip it reached a whole new level. She wouldn’t volunteer to pay upfront for anything, even though everything was being split in the end. And then she was having trouble with her ATM card. So I ended up lending her over $1,000 even though I was on unpaid leave at the time. It turned out her ATM card wasn’t working simply because she hadn’t put any money into that account before going overseas traveling. I made the decision at that Cuban ATM that this friendship was just not serving me and I didn’t like the person I was when I was with her. Honestly, it had been building for months: over time, hanging out felt uneasy. We were two very different personalities and I knew it was an unhealthy dynamic.

When we got back home, I stopped asking her to hang out one on one. I’d still see her at group [events] and invite her to things like my birthday, but I wouldn’t message her outside of group chats. Interestingly we are now coworkers again and have both gone away and lived life a bit these last four years. When we do chat now it’s much healthier and more enjoyable now that we’ve had a break.